Star Wars Game Quotes

Star Wars D6
Escape
The characters were searching a maintenance store room
Lee "We're looking for a wet floor sign and mops"
Lee "The Imperial March plays in all the elevators"
Jim asks Chris to make a Perception roll and he got multiple re-rolls.
Chris "31"
Jim "Unfortunately, that was just to find the survival rations in your belt"
Lee "I can see through time"

Return to Hoth
Kimi is looking for a R2 unit:
Kimi "Can I find one and make it our…"
Jim "Bitch?"
Matt "My character is Medical Officer Rogers"
Kim "Medically adequate?"
Raleigh "Medically competent?"
Matt "Medical adjunct?"
Matt "No problem, Captain Tightpants"
Michael "They're from The Gap; they just happen to fit well"
Kimi "If that little R2 unit is running around killing people, I would still have to keep it"
Kimi puts on her sunglasses "Looks like this unit's," takes sunglasses off. "R2D-stroyed…"
The party is getting ready to storm Main Engineering in pursuit of the assassin droid, Matt is miming holding a pistol with his finger stuck out:
Jim "Looks like Matt and Raleigh are leading the way since Matt has his finger out"

Egg Hunt
Emily "My character is J'osswhedon, possibly the best Star Wars character name ever"
Trying to name the ship
Emily "What are Corellians into?"
Matt "Speed Metal"
Emily decides on the MF Windu
Kevin "Does it have purple racing stripes?"
Emily "No but it has a purple Twi'lek dancing girl as nose art"
Jim "There better not be any mother fuckin' snakes on my spaceship"
Matt "Name it the George Lucas; its going to fuck you over and over and you're going to pay for it"
We needed to name the NPC Engineer
Emily "Damnit Johnson"
Jim "We already have a Johnson" <points to Mike>
A quick trip to a random Star Wars name generator
Jim "Tala Horne. Sounds Corellian. Tala 'Damnit' Horne"
Rolling 4d6 on a First Aid roll, Mike gets 3 1's and a 2
Matt "That's almost a QuadBotch"
Then Emily rolled 3 1's and a 6, but the 1 was on the wild die and she had to drop the 6
Jim "So your roll on 4d6 was 2…"
The NPC junkyard owner wants dewback Eggs
Emily "What about Saurin eggs?" <to Kevin> "You make eggs, right?"
Kevin "So we're stealing eggs from a lizard…"
Gathering gear for the trip, Kevin's character has Survival skill
Kevin "I'm a lizard; I've been in the desert"
Emily "You just need your belly and a big rock"
Looking for dewbacks
"Comb the desert!"
The controls on the skiff are damaged; its flying but they can't steer. Jim lets the PCs roll to realize they can steer by all jumping to one side or the other to shift weight
Emily "We need to use a song to synchronize, maybe a slave work song?"
Jim "No, no. The Time Warp; It's just a jump to the left…"
The crew rigs a datapad into the skiff's damaged controls
Jim "You are steering with Mario Kart"
Mike "Going to pick up some Blue Shells"

Wookies Amok
Making up PC names and consulting various character generator websites
Lee "Talon Blackstar"
Jim "Not T'lon with an apostrophe?
Michael "Sounds like a main character name"
Lee "I am the main character of every game I play in"
The Rebels' ship crashes and the pilot is killed
Chmiel "I am a leaf on the wind"
Moans from other players
Michael "Too soon"
Lee "You know how you tape a flash light to your rifle? I tape it to my knife"
Chmiel "Doesn't that throw off the balance?"
Lee "No, it makes it lighter…"
More moans
Callum "I tape a light to my helmet to make me brighter"
Wearing the armor from a dead stormtrooper, someone asked "Why is your armor covered in blood?"
Michael "Its my period"
Michael's Cathar is a large brute of a cat-man, they're trying to capture enemy uniforms
Michael "I'll intimidate their clothes off"
Mike "That's intense"
Lee "Is that what we're calling it? 'Why did you take off your uniforms?' ' Well, there was the biggest pussy I've ever seen' "
Discussing the plan to rescue the prisoners and the flaw in the plan that they might be forced to leave the droid behind
Jim "That's the only flaw you thought of?"
Lee "We're going to land on the fence to pick up the droid"
Chmiel "I had space dysentery that week"
Lee "Spysentery"
Jim "Spiarrhea"
Trying to move a dead body that's dripping blood
Jim "Make a First Aid roll to stop the corpse from bleeding"
Asking if they can get upstairs from the maintenance crawl ways without being seen
Jim "Not unless you can change into a snake and crawl up the toilet. Or change into a dianoga"
Lee "What do I roll for that?"
Jado is sneaking around the Corvette to make sure no one is aboard
Jim "You know he's walking around pissing on things going 'That's mine' ".

Star Wars D6 Shadows of Discord
Shadow of the Dark Side
Talking about Raleigh's lizard man
Kevin "If we have to have a dinosaur, its a good thing"
Then there was a discussion if they wore clothes, because its nude in the picture. And was it warm or cold blooded? Raleigh decided he wears cargo shorts.
Emily offered tea
Chmiel "I heard 'tea' and got a tea-boner"
Lee rolls very well to for Bruin to get access to the ship's computer
Jim "You get root" referring to the term in the game Hacker for administrator access to a computer system
Bruin has a fear of flying, Talik helped him meditate with her Affect Emotions Force power
Kimi "I showed him my boobs and he calmed right down"
Jim "People spend a lot of time looking at your characters' boobs" referring to her Companion Tia in the Serenity campaign Lost Sheep adventure Liner Larceny.
Heading into an unexplored sector
Chmiel "Are there reavers here?"
Jim "Remember later that you asked"
Lee "If there's a disturbance in the force, I'll be in my bunk"
Chmiel is rolling to land
Lee "Please land on a fence"
Sneaking up to the pyramid
Emily "There's nothing to catch off guard, evil is evil"
Chmiel "Its BYOB; bring your own blaster"
Michael's droid is being rebellious about control by the "meatbags"
Kimi "What's your sass level at?"
Jim asks Kevin to make a Sense Force roll
Jim "You sense a disturbance in the Force…"
Michael is going to give his droid the Good Samaritan complication, but only towards other droids
Lee "We're going to get into action and you're going to be trying to rescue the vending machine"
Lee rolls to attack with the Enhance Coordination bonuses
Lee "I feel like Ruan"
Lee "Tell me when I do something silly"
Jim "I wouldn't do anything else"
Trying to get the doors open
Lee "How many Jedi does it take to open a door?"
Lee rolls poorly and fails to bring up Bruin's Lightsaber Combat power
Jim "One in ten Jedi have that problem"
Michael "If its up for more than eight hours…"
Matt "Consult the Jedi council"
Michael "Consult your medical droid"
Kimi steals some sith jewelry
Raleigh "Nothing says 'promote me' to the Jedi council like sith jewelry"
Kimi's character was a sith hipster, a sithster"
Michael's droid picks up the four lightsabers
Raleigh "Okay General Grievous"
Kimi is talking about her character piercing her lekku, the Twi'lek "head tails" for the sith jewelry and wondering if they are sexual organs
Raleigh "Did you get a Sith Albert?"

Contraband
Lee "Midichlorians are just a lie spread by the government to explain Force powers"
Discussing who has piloting and other ship skills
Matt "I can fly starfighters"
Lee "What can't you do?" Since the Jedi have to spend 60% of their skills on Force skills, the non-jedi have a wider variety of skills.
Kimi "Use the Force"
Joking again about how attractive Kimi's Twi'lek is
Kimi "You can look at my green boobies… groobies"
Lelan flies very well
Emily "Lelan is a leaf on the wind"
Lot's of groans
Emily "Too soon?"
Discussing using the Force power Enhance Attribute, Emily has a slip of the tongue
Lee "Enhance Appetite? That's a great Force power"
Discussing racism in Star Wars
Lee "I'm stressed"
Emily "Stress racism, stracism"
Jim "Space racism, spacism"
Looking at the visual encyclopedia for The Force Awakens
Raleigh "I like how their officers went with the Canada look for their ear flaps (on their hats)"
Jim "Space is cold"
Lee "Canada is colder"
Everyone is practicing saying "Lelan" (there's no "d" at the end)
Raleigh "Its like Leylan Yutani" (from Alien)
Emily "That's Weyland"
Again discussing Kimi's Jedi
Michael "She's not really a Jedi, she just showed someone her boobs and they gave her a lightsaber"
Emily "Gave her a lightsaber? Is that what they're calling it now?"
XTR-MN8 has been bad
Lee "You're demoted to luggage handler"
Talking about a decoy plan for trying to get close to the pirates
Chmiel "Just go to a junkyard and get a piece of shit"
Michael "Get a Firefly"

Chamax Plague
Michael knocked over Emily's stack of chips and was having trouble re-stacking them
Chmiel "He's got the wrong chipset"
Michael "I wasn't a casino droid"
Lelan is training with the senior instructor
Chmiel "You're turning too fast. We need to stop by the pharmacy. I've had my turn signal on for the last half lightyear."
One of the new crew is a marine from the Judicial Branch Fleet
Raleigh "Judicial marine? Is that like a space bailiff?"
Michael is joking about oiling his droid's joints
Emily "Do you have a built in oilcan?"
Chmiel "He's self lubricating"
Once they realized they were dealing with alien acid spewing monsters, lots of quotes from Aliens
Kevin is trying to move past the hibernating monsters
Emily "Try walking without rhythm"
XTR-MN8 is looting and is ordered to return the items
Jim "Jayne, don't steal too much of their shit"

Pirate Tales
Discussing the inhuman background of an NPC in Matt's Call of Cthulhu campaign
Matt "That's what happens when your dad sleeps with something they shouldn't"
Jim "Hookers Man was not meant to know"
And talking about children of apathetic or neglectful parents
Matt "My parents never watched me and I turned out okay"
Jim "You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means"
Discussing space drugs
Matt "Speth, spoke, sparijuana, spanja"
Discussing pirate accessories
Kimi "How about a robot parrot?"
Jim "Last time we had a robot parrot, it didn't work out so well"
One of the shelters is some kind of mud adobe
Matt "Of course its a mud adobe; no one ever updates Adobe"
They teach Kimi to trick to good high fives, look at the other person's elbow and you'll never miss
Kimi "What is this sorcery?!"
Talik swaggers into the bar/whorehouse
Kimi "I'm green and volumptuous" She meant voluptuous
Jim "She has nice lumps"
The whorehouse bar's bartender is frog-like
Kevin "The bartender only has one head; how inefficient"
Discussing Talik's seductive personality
Jim "She has 5d6 in Force Seduction"
Lee "That sounds a little rapey"
Talik is chatting with the Gamorrean
Lee "Your charms won't work on him, your tusks aren't big enough"
The Troig bartender mentions Hela Dellaeon is trying to be a great pirate, a pirate queen
Lee "Pirate Queen sounds like an ABBA album"
Matt "Pirate Queen, young and mean"
Matt rolls poorly to sneak aboard the pirate ship
Lee "You're going to get us killed"
Matt "No, just me"
Kimi "My head tails aren't good enough for you?"
Kimi to Matt about his non-Jedi character "Its funny how you think you're as cool as we are"

Night of Conquest
Lee was talking about going surfing or something, like his monk in our Oriental Adventures campaign.
Matt "You cannot create a watersport in every RPG you play"
Discussing possible secrets of the planet
Jim "There may be deposits of heavy metals…"
Lee <sings> "Heavy metal…"
Jim "I knew I could count on Lee for that"
Talking about how the Republic hopes offworld trade will help the natives advance their society so they can form a unified world government and join the Republic
Lee "Aren't we violating the Prime Directive?"
Jim "If there was a Prime Directive in Star Wars, we would be. But there's not. Of course, if we were playing Star Trek, its all about violating the Prime Directive"
Kimi wants to do something unethical with her Force powers and Jim warns her against it
Matt "The Force is watching, just like God and Santa"
Comparing attractiveness, Alana has Allure (minor), but Talik has Allure (Major)
Kimi "What's it like to be sub-par?"
The invaders open fire
Lee "Will you tell those guys to stop firing guns? I'm trying to use my Danger Sense"
Taking the boat upriver, someone (maybe Lee) referred to them as "Steamboat Jedi"
Talik uses the Force to throw XTR up on the bridge
Chmiel "She throws like a girl"
Kimi is again considering an inappropriate use of Force powers and Matt warns her
Kimi "Its a fine line between Light and Dark, buddy, and only a Jedi can walk it"
Matt "I'm sure a lot of Sith said that before…"

Food Run
Chmiel "I get the ship washed"
Jim "Do you get a Super Kiss? In case you hit an asteroid and have to come back this week?"
Requisitioning equipment
Kevin "Do we have a Holocaust Cloak?"
Jim "No, but I can get you a wheelbarrow"
Matt "What's diplomacy?"
Kevin "When you get people to do what you want without shooting them"
Planning pranks on XTR-MN8
Lee "The next thing he's going to say is 'bidibidi' " (like the droid in the Buck Rogers TV show)
Michael feels XTR isn't allowed to speak during the briefing
Lee "You just have to speak up; 'Excuse me, meatsacks' "
Matt "I used to teabag womprats…"
Lee rolls a 34 while hacking
Lee "I am Root!"
Discussing how dangerous the city is
Michael "They should have the Olympics here"
Kevin and Lee are rolling terribly to chase the sniper
Jim "The slowest chase in the history of the Jedi Order"
One of the soldiers botches a Sneak roll
Kevin "I feel that if I was a Sith Lord, I would just kill him"
Kevin "We're no longer sneaking sneakily"
Jim "You're strolling casually"
Lots of Botches, especially from Lee
Chmiel "He lives in Botchington"
Then Chmiel Botches on First Aid for Fom
Mike "I have a band-aid with Sponge Bob on it"
The Peacekeeper medic rolls a 20
Jim "Someone figured out which end of the stethoscope goes on the patient"
Lee is planning to negotiate with the terrorists
Chmiel "You can do your plan, but you have to take XTR with you"
Kevin "Oh Lord…"
Discussing the terrorists' plans and that they seem to be fairly with it
Kevin "This isn't their first rodeo. It might be their second, but it isn't their first"
Bruin opens the security doors for XTR
Jim "The inner and outer doors open at the same time"
Kevin "It's a trap!"
Cutting through doors
Kevin "I would like to stick my lightsaber in"
Chmiel "That's what she said"
Chmiel "Here's Johnny!"
Lee "Here's Jedi!"
The terrorists attack XTR
Lee "This would be a bad time for a botch"
Michael "I have good armor…" He botches

Rogue Metal
The ship lurches and drops out of hyperspace
Kevin "Can I bring up Danger Sense?"
Lee "Can I bring up my lunch?"
Jim "You just did"
Describing the asteroid
Lee "Let's ignore it; its irrelevant"
Jim "You have a party to get to"
Talking about the fragments from the blown door
Kimi "We could have gotten cut, gotten tetanus. Space tetanus"
Chmiel "Spetanus"
Chmiel "I wear space pants because my ass is out of this world"
Jim leans over and takes a chip to penalize him for bad jokes.
Looking at the abandoned base and donning spacesuits
Jim "Obviously, you're in space, so there's no…"
Lee "Smell?"
Discussing what could be lurking in the base
Chmiel "I'm not afraid, Jim's not holding a Traveller adventure"
Jim looks at Chmiel and lifts up his clipboard to show he has an issue of Challenge magazine underneath it
Chmiel "Oh shit…"
Looking to loot the bodies
Kevin "Always sell on Ebay, that's the Jedi way"
Fighting the droid, Bruin hits the droid, but his lightsaber barely damages it
Jim "You score the surface, but don't penetrate"
Kevin "Did I penetrate?"
Lee "That's what she said"
Bruin uses Telekinesis to lift the droid so it can't move or reach them and they attack the droid from below
Jim "Set your lightsaber for 'colonoscopy' "
We were comparing accents and how we say certain words differently
Lee "I pronounce everything correctly"
Lee was constantly making government conspiracy comments, Kimi called him on it several times
Jim "He's very in touch with his inner conspiracy"
Kevin "Don't you (Lee's character) work for the government?"
The party finds old battle droids, some wrecked by combat
Jim "I wish Michael was here, his character would be all upset and yelling 'My brothers, I will avenge you!' "
Chmiel suggests Alana could borrow a lightsaber to fight the combat droids
Lee "You can't use a lightsaber, you're just a muggle"
Bruin is spouting conspiracy theories about the battle droids and the Military Industrial Complex
Jim "You have a complex about the Military Industrial Complex"
Bruin salvages a battle droid, his designation is BT-8R or Beater
Chmiel "I hope he doesn't have a wife"
The party finds four fresh corpses, two human males, a human female and a male Twi'lek
Chmiel "It's our stunt doubles!!"
Lee "It's like Weekend at Bernie's… Weekend at Twi'lek"
Chmiel "The Twi'lek Zone"
Lee "Look out, its Yoda… 'Hmm, tired your friend is' "

Darksiders
Michael is asking if his MSE droid can be equipped with a grenade or rocket launcher
Jim "Your Mouse droid is a suicide terrorist bomber?"
Chmiel "It shouts 'Allah Ackbot', its a model J1-HAD"
Jim, to Kimi "You feel a vague disturbance in the Force"
Kimi, to Lee "I feel a vague disturbance in the Force"
Lee "I had some bad tacos"
Jim "You can take your own transport"
XTR is flying on his rocket pack, shooting the escaping bad guys
Chmiel "Murder from above"
Chmiel "You're a leaf on the wind"
Kimi "You're a leaf on the wind"
Michael "Don't say that!"
Talking about other characters' reactions to Kimi's hot Twi'lek
Kimi "I'm the boobs in town"
Introducing XTR to Y'ggdrasil
Chmiel "This is our resident Roomba"
And Spots, Jim is doing his British drill sergeant bit
Jim "I'm starting to channel Kryten from Red Dwarf"
Michael is complaining that no one likes his droid
Jim "You're a second class citizen, suck it up"
Lee "He's a Suckotron 2000"
Chmiel "He's got a special attachment for that"
Jim "She's gone from suck to blow"
Chmiel "I'm the good cop, you're the bad cop?"
Mike "I'm bad cop as shit"
They snuck into the darksiders' cave, then XTR starts kicking down doors.
Michael "Why are we sneaking around if they could sense us?"
Lee "They might do it badly or be sleeping or drunk or doing evil, shady side sith sex"
Stealing the darksiders' furniture
Mike "Its space Ikea, Spikea"
Talking about midichlorians as a food additive, like salt
Lee "The Force is with your dinner"

Into the Gap
Kimi makes custom dice bags and other items and is working up to leather bags, Lee is going to get one
Kimi "You're funding my endeavors into leather"
Talik's arm was amputated last adventure and she has a prosthetic, but there was a discussion of having it regenerated
Lee "You've got a Deadpool arm!"
The fake freighter shell is fitted to the corvette
Lee "This feels like a condom"
Kimi "It is meant to capture seamen"
Talik has a good working relationship with the ship's engineer and Kimi is talking about having her along, but Kevin doesn't recognize the NPC's name
Kevin "This is a real person that we can see too?"
Discussing repairing the captured pirate ship and using it as a Trojan Horse
Kevin "We're going to paint it like a giant wooden badger"

Marooned
Chmiel was talking about a piece of equipment with a suggestive hand gesture
Chmiel "Its like a super soaker"
MC "That's more like a shake weight"
Chmiel "Budget cuts"
Jim laid out the pirate ship deck plan sheet which had lots of staterooms for crew with individual bathrooms marked
Lee "Look at all the toilets!"
Mike "Its the poop deck"
Bailing out in the lifeboat
Chmiel "What's the ETA to the…" <pauses in thought>
Jim "Crash site?"
Considering the survivors and their resources from the lifeboat
Lee "Its not quite the Donner Party"
Jim "You have died of dysentery"
Walking to the starport, which may take months
Lee "Are we there yet?"
The local lifeforms are hexapedal, some of the bird species have four wings
MC "More meat!"
Lee "I'm going to open a Buffalo Wing restaurant"
Chmiel was concerned about being the only female character and going off alone for bathing, etc, but Jim pointed out Kimi's Jedi was with them and one of the troops was female
Chmiel "Okay, we can have girl time"
Lee "Can I watch while you have girl time?"
Jim asks them to make a Perception check
Lee "I perceive that we're not there yet"
Mike's character keeps sampling raw meat from the local animals
Jim "Who are you, Bear Grylls?"
The pirates order the party to strip
Kimi "Why?"
Lee "Music starts to play"
Mike "Milkshake"
Lee "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
Mike "Cherry Pie"
Kim makes some good rolls
Kimi "Hey, when you're better, you're better"
Mike's naked character grabs his vibroknife from the ground and attacks a pirate from behind
Lee "You're going to rub your junk in his back"
Mike "I'm going to teabag him on the way down"
Kimi "Does a vibroknife vibrate?"
Mike "Yes"
Kimi "I could have figured that out for myself. Can I have a dumb question scratched?"
Discussing that the pirates might have left the mortally wounded Bruin behind when they took prisoners
Lee "Left on this planet, a fate worse than death…"
Many more teabagging jokes and Mike talking about dropping a few pubes
Lee "You're Pubes McTeabag"

Nomads of the World Ocean
The mission is to a waterworld to investigate claims of corporate over-harvesting
Lee "There's something fishy about that"
Lee's character is a conspiracy theorist
Lee "I've studied all the conspiracies, like the Flat Galaxy Theory"
Talik is pretending to be a corporate representative
Kimi "I was born to be a pretend space businessman"
The speeder crashes after rescuing the local
Lee "So we are literally in the same boat… I didn't mean to do that"
Talking about medical care for Alana after she fumbles with a lightsaber
Lee "How good is your insurance?"
Chmiel "I work for the Republic"
Lee "Spedicaid (space Medicaid)"
Alana loses her arm at the elbow
Chmiel "I'm a one-armed bandit"
They suggest she get a hook
Kimi "You're Captain Hook!"
Talik and Bruin board the factory ship, cutting through the hull above the waterline
Lee "So we're on the Lido Deck"
Talking about Tibanna gas is flammable, and joking about the Star Wars warning symbol, we decided it was a burning stick figure
Lee makes funny noises while his character uses Force powers
Kimi "The crew are going to tell the captain the ship is haunted"
Kimi "I'm going to cast Dim Other's Senses"
Lee " 'Cast'?"
Discussing the data storage in Rogue One
Lee "Its an eight track. Speight track"
Kimi finally gets to use her Beast Riding skill and Beast Language Force power
Kimi "They told me I'd never use it when I graduated Jedi college, but Ha!"
Lee "It was an easy elective"
Lee "I made copies of the data and put it in a secure location… my sock"
Mike and MC joined for the conclusion and we explained to MC that Bruin is a conspiracy theorist
MC, confused "But you work for the government…?"
Jim "Yep, you've got it"
Kimi rolled a total of "5" for Receptive Telepathy
Mike "You read your own mind"
Jim "You fail to read your own mind"
Arresting the corrupt company officers
Mike "I go for a bitch slap/hand cuff combo, maybe throw in a teabag"
Talik is going to read minds again
Lee "Rape his mind"
Mike "No lube"

No Time to Rest
Discussing Toydarian physiology and that their "pot belly" is actually a bladder of lighter than air gas to help them fly, Jim suggests its hydrogen.
MC "So their boobs are probably the same, which means my boobs float up under my chin"
Jim "Do you squeeze your nipples to let gas out to reduce buoyancy? Can you hold up a lighter to shoot flames?"
Landing at the so called port on the backwater world of Prine
Mike "How sketchy are the techs here?"
MC " 'Had sex with my sister before coming to work' sketchy?"
Jim "Not that bad"
Mike "Sex with their cousin"
MC rolls 10d6 for piloting, but botches and ends up with a 26
Jim "3.5 is the average on a d6, so she got below average but a decent landing"
MC "Sounds like my life; below average but a decent landing"

Spilled Blood
Discussing the pirate attack, Kimi's friend Amanda was spectating
Matt "Spirates"
Kimi "Steal their space booty"
Amanda "Spooty"
Discussing reports of Trump's "Golden Shower" prostitute party
Matt "I wonder how much that costs"
Kimi "I'll pee on you for free"
Jim "That's love"
Discussing the dead monks
Chmiel "Red shirts"
Jim "Red robes"
Running Beater
Jim "I keep wanting to make him sound like K-2SO, but it comes out more like Marvin the Paranoid Android"