Star Wars Game Quotes

Star Wars D6
Escape
The characters were searching a maintenance store room
Lee "We're looking for a wet floor sign and mops"
Lee "The Imperial March plays in all the elevators"
Jim asks Chris to make a Perception roll and he got multiple re-rolls.
Chris "31"
Jim "Unfortunately, that was just to find the survival rations in your belt"
Lee "I can see through time"

Return to Hoth
Kimi is looking for a R2 unit:
Kimi "Can I find one and make it our…"
Jim "Bitch?"
Matt "My character is Medical Officer Rogers"
Kimi "Medically adequate?"
Raleigh "Medically competent?"
Matt "Medical adjunct?"
Matt "No problem, Captain Tightpants"
Michael "They're from The Gap; they just happen to fit well"
Kimi "If that little R2 unit is running around killing people, I would still have to keep it"
Kimi puts on her sunglasses "Looks like this unit's," takes sunglasses off. "R2D-stroyed…"
The party is getting ready to storm Main Engineering in pursuit of the assassin droid, Matt is miming holding a pistol with his finger stuck out:
Jim "Looks like Matt and Raleigh are leading the way since Matt has his finger out"

Egg Hunt
Emily "My character is J'osswhedon, possibly the best Star Wars character name ever"
Trying to name the ship
Emily "What are Corellians into?"
Matt "Speed Metal"
Emily decides on the MF Windu
Kevin "Does it have purple racing stripes?"
Emily "No but it has a purple Twi'lek dancing girl as nose art"
Jim "There better not be any mother fuckin' snakes on my spaceship"
Matt "Name it the George Lucas; its going to fuck you over and over and you're going to pay for it"
We needed to name the NPC Engineer
Emily "Damnit Johnson"
Jim "We already have a Johnson" <points to Mike>
A quick trip to a random Star Wars name generator
Jim "Tala Horne. Sounds Corellian. Tala 'Damnit' Horne"
Rolling 4d6 on a First Aid roll, Mike gets 3 1's and a 2
Matt "That's almost a QuadBotch"
Then Emily rolled 3 1's and a 6, but the 1 was on the wild die and she had to drop the 6
Jim "So your roll on 4d6 was 2…"
The NPC junkyard owner wants dewback Eggs
Emily "What about Saurin eggs?" <to Kevin> "You make eggs, right?"
Kevin "So we're stealing eggs from a lizard…"
Gathering gear for the trip, Kevin's character has Survival skill
Kevin "I'm a lizard; I've been in the desert"
Emily "You just need your belly and a big rock"
Looking for dewbacks
"Comb the desert!"
The controls on the skiff are damaged; its flying but they can't steer. Jim lets the PCs roll to realize they can steer by all jumping to one side or the other to shift weight
Emily "We need to use a song to synchronize, maybe a slave work song?"
Jim "No, no. The Time Warp; It's just a jump to the left…"
The crew rigs a datapad into the skiff's damaged controls
Jim "You are steering with Mario Kart"
Mike "Going to pick up some Blue Shells"

Wookies Amok
Making up PC names and consulting various character generator websites
Lee "Talon Blackstar"
Jim "Not T'lon with an apostrophe?
Michael "Sounds like a main character name"
Lee "I am the main character of every game I play in"
The Rebels' ship crashes and the pilot is killed
Chmiel "I am a leaf on the wind"
Moans from other players
Michael "Too soon"
Lee "You know how you tape a flash light to your rifle? I tape it to my knife"
Chmiel "Doesn't that throw off the balance?"
Lee "No, it makes it lighter…"
More moans
Callum "I tape a light to my helmet to make me brighter"
Wearing the armor from a dead stormtrooper, someone asked "Why is your armor covered in blood?"
Michael "Its my period"
Michael's Cathar is a large brute of a cat-man, they're trying to capture enemy uniforms
Michael "I'll intimidate their clothes off"
Mike "That's intense"
Lee "Is that what we're calling it? 'Why did you take off your uniforms?' ' Well, there was the biggest pussy I've ever seen' "
Discussing the plan to rescue the prisoners and the flaw in the plan that they might be forced to leave the droid behind
Jim "That's the only flaw you thought of?"
Lee "We're going to land on the fence to pick up the droid"
Chmiel "I had space dysentery that week"
Lee "Spysentery"
Jim "Spiarrhea"
Trying to move a dead body that's dripping blood
Jim "Make a First Aid roll to stop the corpse from bleeding"
Asking if they can get upstairs from the maintenance crawl ways without being seen
Jim "Not unless you can change into a snake and crawl up the toilet. Or change into a dianoga"
Lee "What do I roll for that?"
Jado is sneaking around the Corvette to make sure no one is aboard
Jim "You know he's walking around pissing on things going 'That's mine' ".

Star Wars D6 Shadows of Discord
Shadow of the Dark Side
Talking about Raleigh's lizard man
Kevin "If we have to have a dinosaur, its a good thing"
Then there was a discussion if they wore clothes, because its nude in the picture. And was it warm or cold blooded? Raleigh decided he wears cargo shorts.
Emily offered tea
Chmiel "I heard 'tea' and got a tea-boner"
Lee rolls very well to for Bruin to get access to the ship's computer
Jim "You get root" referring to the term in the game Hacker for administrator access to a computer system
Bruin has a fear of flying, Talik helped him meditate with her Affect Emotions Force power
Kimi "I showed him my boobs and he calmed right down"
Jim "People spend a lot of time looking at your characters' boobs" referring to her Companion Tia in the Serenity campaign Lost Sheep adventure Liner Larceny.
Heading into an unexplored sector
Chmiel "Are there reavers here?"
Jim "Remember later that you asked"
Lee "If there's a disturbance in the force, I'll be in my bunk"
Chmiel is rolling to land
Lee "Please land on a fence"
Sneaking up to the pyramid
Emily "There's nothing to catch off guard, evil is evil"
Chmiel "Its BYOB; bring your own blaster"
Michael's droid is being rebellious about control by the "meatbags"
Kimi "What's your sass level at?"
Jim asks Kevin to make a Sense Force roll
Jim "You sense a disturbance in the Force…"
Michael is going to give his droid the Good Samaritan complication, but only towards other droids
Lee "We're going to get into action and you're going to be trying to rescue the vending machine"
Lee rolls to attack with the Enhance Coordination bonuses
Lee "I feel like Ruan"
Lee "Tell me when I do something silly"
Jim "I wouldn't do anything else"
Trying to get the doors open
Lee "How many Jedi does it take to open a door?"
Lee rolls poorly and fails to bring up Bruin's Lightsaber Combat power
Jim "One in ten Jedi have that problem"
Michael "If its up for more than eight hours…"
Matt "Consult the Jedi council"
Michael "Consult your medical droid"
Kimi steals some sith jewelry
Raleigh "Nothing says 'promote me' to the Jedi council like sith jewelry"
Kimi's character was a sith hipster, a sithster"
Michael's droid picks up the four lightsabers
Raleigh "Okay General Grievous"
Kimi is talking about her character piercing her lekku, the Twi'lek "head tails" for the sith jewelry and wondering if they are sexual organs
Raleigh "Did you get a Sith Albert?"

Contraband
Lee "Midichlorians are just a lie spread by the government to explain Force powers"
Discussing who has piloting and other ship skills
Matt "I can fly starfighters"
Lee "What can't you do?" Since the Jedi have to spend 60% of their skills on Force skills, the non-jedi have a wider variety of skills.
Kimi "Use the Force"
Joking again about how attractive Kimi's Twi'lek is
Kimi "You can look at my green boobies… groobies"
Lelan flies very well
Emily "Lelan is a leaf on the wind"
Lot's of groans
Emily "Too soon?"
Discussing using the Force power Enhance Attribute, Emily has a slip of the tongue
Lee "Enhance Appetite? That's a great Force power"
Discussing racism in Star Wars
Lee "I'm stressed"
Emily "Stress racism, stracism"
Jim "Space racism, spacism"
Looking at the visual encyclopedia for The Force Awakens
Raleigh "I like how their officers went with the Canada look for their ear flaps (on their hats)"
Jim "Space is cold"
Lee "Canada is colder"
Everyone is practicing saying "Lelan" (there's no "d" at the end)
Raleigh "Its like Leylan Yutani" (from Alien)
Emily "That's Weyland"
Again discussing Kimi's Jedi
Michael "She's not really a Jedi, she just showed someone her boobs and they gave her a lightsaber"
Emily "Gave her a lightsaber? Is that what they're calling it now?"
XTR-MN8 has been bad
Lee "You're demoted to luggage handler"
Talking about a decoy plan for trying to get close to the pirates
Chmiel "Just go to a junkyard and get a piece of shit"
Michael "Get a Firefly"

Chamax Plague
Michael knocked over Emily's stack of chips and was having trouble re-stacking them
Chmiel "He's got the wrong chipset"
Michael "I wasn't a casino droid"
Lelan is training with the senior instructor
Chmiel "You're turning too fast. We need to stop by the pharmacy. I've had my turn signal on for the last half lightyear."
One of the new crew is a marine from the Judicial Branch Fleet
Raleigh "Judicial marine? Is that like a space bailiff?"
Michael is joking about oiling his droid's joints
Emily "Do you have a built in oilcan?"
Chmiel "He's self lubricating"
Once they realized they were dealing with alien acid spewing monsters, lots of quotes from Aliens
Kevin is trying to move past the hibernating monsters
Emily "Try walking without rhythm"
XTR-MN8 is looting and is ordered to return the items
Jim "Jayne, don't steal too much of their shit"

Pirate Tales
Discussing the inhuman background of an NPC in Matt's Call of Cthulhu campaign
Matt "That's what happens when your dad sleeps with something they shouldn't"
Jim "Hookers Man was not meant to know"
And talking about children of apathetic or neglectful parents
Matt "My parents never watched me and I turned out okay"
Jim "You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means"
Discussing space drugs
Matt "Speth, spoke, sparijuana, spanja"
Discussing pirate accessories
Kimi "How about a robot parrot?"
Jim "Last time we had a robot parrot, it didn't work out so well"
One of the shelters is some kind of mud adobe
Matt "Of course its a mud adobe; no one ever updates Adobe"
They teach Kimi to trick to good high fives, look at the other person's elbow and you'll never miss
Kimi "What is this sorcery?!"
Talik swaggers into the bar/whorehouse
Kimi "I'm green and volumptuous" She meant voluptuous
Jim "She has nice lumps"
The whorehouse bar's bartender is frog-like
Kevin "The bartender only has one head; how inefficient"
Discussing Talik's seductive personality
Jim "She has 5d6 in Force Seduction"
Lee "That sounds a little rapey"
Talik is chatting with the Gamorrean
Lee "Your charms won't work on him, your tusks aren't big enough"
The Troig bartender mentions Hela Dellaeon is trying to be a great pirate, a pirate queen
Lee "Pirate Queen sounds like an ABBA album"
Matt "Pirate Queen, young and mean"
Matt rolls poorly to sneak aboard the pirate ship
Lee "You're going to get us killed"
Matt "No, just me"
Kimi "My head tails aren't good enough for you?"
Kimi to Matt about his non-Jedi character "Its funny how you think you're as cool as we are"

Night of Conquest
Lee was talking about going surfing or something, like his monk in our Oriental Adventures campaign.
Matt "You cannot create a watersport in every RPG you play"
Discussing possible secrets of the planet
Jim "There may be deposits of heavy metals…"
Lee <sings> "Heavy metal…"
Jim "I knew I could count on Lee for that"
Talking about how the Republic hopes offworld trade will help the natives advance their society so they can form a unified world government and join the Republic
Lee "Aren't we violating the Prime Directive?"
Jim "If there was a Prime Directive in Star Wars, we would be. But there's not. Of course, if we were playing Star Trek, its all about violating the Prime Directive"
Kimi wants to do something unethical with her Force powers and Jim warns her against it
Matt "The Force is watching, just like God and Santa"
Comparing attractiveness, Alana has Allure (minor), but Talik has Allure (Major)
Kimi "What's it like to be sub-par?"
The invaders open fire
Lee "Will you tell those guys to stop firing guns? I'm trying to use my Danger Sense"
Taking the boat upriver, someone (maybe Lee) referred to them as "Steamboat Jedi"
Talik uses the Force to throw XTR up on the bridge
Chmiel "She throws like a girl"
Kimi is again considering an inappropriate use of Force powers and Matt warns her
Kimi "Its a fine line between Light and Dark, buddy, and only a Jedi can walk it"
Matt "I'm sure a lot of Sith said that before…"

Food Run
Chmiel "I get the ship washed"
Jim "Do you get a Super Kiss? In case you hit an asteroid and have to come back this week?"
Requisitioning equipment
Kevin "Do we have a Holocaust Cloak?"
Jim "No, but I can get you a wheelbarrow"
Matt "What's diplomacy?"
Kevin "When you get people to do what you want without shooting them"
Planning pranks on XTR-MN8
Lee "The next thing he's going to say is 'bidibidi' " (like the droid in the Buck Rogers TV show)
Michael feels XTR isn't allowed to speak during the briefing
Lee "You just have to speak up; 'Excuse me, meatsacks' "
Matt "I used to teabag womprats…"
Lee rolls a 34 while hacking
Lee "I am Root!"
Discussing how dangerous the city is
Michael "They should have the Olympics here"
Kevin and Lee are rolling terribly to chase the sniper
Jim "The slowest chase in the history of the Jedi Order"
One of the soldiers botches a Sneak roll
Kevin "I feel that if I was a Sith Lord, I would just kill him"
Kevin "We're no longer sneaking sneakily"
Jim "You're strolling casually"
Lots of Botches, especially from Lee
Chmiel "He lives in Botchington"
Then Chmiel Botches on First Aid for Fom
Mike "I have a band-aid with Sponge Bob on it"
The Peacekeeper medic rolls a 20
Jim "Someone figured out which end of the stethoscope goes on the patient"
Lee is planning to negotiate with the terrorists
Chmiel "You can do your plan, but you have to take XTR with you"
Kevin "Oh Lord…"
Discussing the terrorists' plans and that they seem to be fairly with it
Kevin "This isn't their first rodeo. It might be their second, but it isn't their first"
Bruin opens the security doors for XTR
Jim "The inner and outer doors open at the same time"
Kevin "It's a trap!"
Cutting through doors
Kevin "I would like to stick my lightsaber in"
Chmiel "That's what she said"
Chmiel "Here's Johnny!"
Lee "Here's Jedi!"
The terrorists attack XTR
Lee "This would be a bad time for a botch"
Michael "I have good armor…" He botches

Rogue Metal
The ship lurches and drops out of hyperspace
Kevin "Can I bring up Danger Sense?"
Lee "Can I bring up my lunch?"
Jim "You just did"
Describing the asteroid
Lee "Let's ignore it; its irrelevant"
Jim "You have a party to get to"
Talking about the fragments from the blown door
Kimi "We could have gotten cut, gotten tetanus. Space tetanus"
Chmiel "Spetanus"
Chmiel "I wear space pants because my ass is out of this world"
Jim leans over and takes a chip to penalize him for bad jokes.
Looking at the abandoned base and donning spacesuits
Jim "Obviously, you're in space, so there's no…"
Lee "Smell?"
Discussing what could be lurking in the base
Chmiel "I'm not afraid, Jim's not holding a Traveller adventure"
Jim looks at Chmiel and lifts up his clipboard to show he has an issue of Challenge magazine underneath it
Chmiel "Oh shit…"
Looking to loot the bodies
Kevin "Always sell on Ebay, that's the Jedi way"
Fighting the droid, Bruin hits the droid, but his lightsaber barely damages it
Jim "You score the surface, but don't penetrate"
Kevin "Did I penetrate?"
Lee "That's what she said"
Bruin uses Telekinesis to lift the droid so it can't move or reach them and they attack the droid from below
Jim "Set your lightsaber for 'colonoscopy' "
We were comparing accents and how we say certain words differently
Lee "I pronounce everything correctly"
Lee was constantly making government conspiracy comments, Kimi called him on it several times
Jim "He's very in touch with his inner conspiracy"
Kevin "Don't you (Lee's character) work for the government?"
The party finds old battle droids, some wrecked by combat
Jim "I wish Michael was here, his character would be all upset and yelling 'My brothers, I will avenge you!' "
Chmiel suggests Alana could borrow a lightsaber to fight the combat droids
Lee "You can't use a lightsaber, you're just a muggle"
Bruin is spouting conspiracy theories about the battle droids and the Military Industrial Complex
Jim "You have a complex about the Military Industrial Complex"
Bruin salvages a battle droid, his designation is BT-8R or Beater
Chmiel "I hope he doesn't have a wife"
The party finds four fresh corpses, two human males, a human female and a male Twi'lek
Chmiel "It's our stunt doubles!!"
Lee "It's like Weekend at Bernie's… Weekend at Twi'lek"
Chmiel "The Twi'lek Zone"
Lee "Look out, its Yoda… 'Hmm, tired your friend is' "

Darksiders
Michael is asking if his MSE droid can be equipped with a grenade or rocket launcher
Jim "Your Mouse droid is a suicide terrorist bomber?"
Chmiel "It shouts 'Allah Ackbot', its a model J1-HAD"
Jim, to Kimi "You feel a vague disturbance in the Force"
Kimi, to Lee "I feel a vague disturbance in the Force"
Lee "I had some bad tacos"
Jim "You can take your own transport"
XTR is flying on his rocket pack, shooting the escaping bad guys
Chmiel "Murder from above"
Chmiel "You're a leaf on the wind"
Kimi "You're a leaf on the wind"
Michael "Don't say that!"
Talking about other characters' reactions to Kimi's hot Twi'lek
Kimi "I'm the boobs in town"
Introducing XTR to Y'ggdrasil
Chmiel "This is our resident Roomba"
And Spots, Jim is doing his British drill sergeant bit
Jim "I'm starting to channel Kryten from Red Dwarf"
Michael is complaining that no one likes his droid
Jim "You're a second class citizen, suck it up"
Lee "He's a Suckotron 2000"
Chmiel "He's got a special attachment for that"
Jim "She's gone from suck to blow"
Chmiel "I'm the good cop, you're the bad cop?"
Mike "I'm bad cop as shit"
They snuck into the darksiders' cave, then XTR starts kicking down doors.
Michael "Why are we sneaking around if they could sense us?"
Lee "They might do it badly or be sleeping or drunk or doing evil, shady side sith sex"
Stealing the darksiders' furniture
Mike "Its space Ikea, Spikea"
Talking about midichlorians as a food additive, like salt
Lee "The Force is with your dinner"

Into the Gap
Kimi makes custom dice bags and other items and is working up to leather bags, Lee is going to get one
Kimi "You're funding my endeavors into leather"
Talik's arm was amputated last adventure and she has a prosthetic, but there was a discussion of having it regenerated
Lee "You've got a Deadpool arm!"
The fake freighter shell is fitted to the corvette
Lee "This feels like a condom"
Kimi "It is meant to capture seamen"
Talik has a good working relationship with the ship's engineer and Kimi is talking about having her along, but Kevin doesn't recognize the NPC's name
Kevin "This is a real person that we can see too?"
Discussing repairing the captured pirate ship and using it as a Trojan Horse
Kevin "We're going to paint it like a giant wooden badger"

Marooned
Chmiel was talking about a piece of equipment with a suggestive hand gesture
Chmiel "Its like a super soaker"
MC "That's more like a shake weight"
Chmiel "Budget cuts"
Jim laid out the pirate ship deck plan sheet which had lots of staterooms for crew with individual bathrooms marked
Lee "Look at all the toilets!"
Mike "Its the poop deck"
Bailing out in the lifeboat
Chmiel "What's the ETA to the…" <pauses in thought>
Jim "Crash site?"
Considering the survivors and their resources from the lifeboat
Lee "Its not quite the Donner Party"
Jim "You have died of dysentery"
Walking to the starport, which may take months
Lee "Are we there yet?"
The local lifeforms are hexapedal, some of the bird species have four wings
MC "More meat!"
Lee "I'm going to open a Buffalo Wing restaurant"
Chmiel was concerned about being the only female character and going off alone for bathing, etc, but Jim pointed out Kimi's Jedi was with them and one of the troops was female
Chmiel "Okay, we can have girl time"
Lee "Can I watch while you have girl time?"
Jim asks them to make a Perception check
Lee "I perceive that we're not there yet"
Mike's character keeps sampling raw meat from the local animals
Jim "Who are you, Bear Grylls?"
The pirates order the party to strip
Kimi "Why?"
Lee "Music starts to play"
Mike "Milkshake"
Lee "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
Mike "Cherry Pie"
Kim makes some good rolls
Kimi "Hey, when you're better, you're better"
Mike's naked character grabs his vibroknife from the ground and attacks a pirate from behind
Lee "You're going to rub your junk in his back"
Mike "I'm going to teabag him on the way down"
Kimi "Does a vibroknife vibrate?"
Mike "Yes"
Kimi "I could have figured that out for myself. Can I have a dumb question scratched?"
Discussing that the pirates might have left the mortally wounded Bruin behind when they took prisoners
Lee "Left on this planet, a fate worse than death…"
Many more teabagging jokes and Mike talking about dropping a few pubes
Lee "You're Pubes McTeabag"

Nomads of the World Ocean
The mission is to a waterworld to investigate claims of corporate over-harvesting
Lee "There's something fishy about that"
Lee's character is a conspiracy theorist
Lee "I've studied all the conspiracies, like the Flat Galaxy Theory"
Talik is pretending to be a corporate representative
Kimi "I was born to be a pretend space businessman"
The speeder crashes after rescuing the local
Lee "So we are literally in the same boat… I didn't mean to do that"
Talking about medical care for Alana after she fumbles with a lightsaber
Lee "How good is your insurance?"
Chmiel "I work for the Republic"
Lee "Spedicaid (space Medicaid)"
Alana loses her arm at the elbow
Chmiel "I'm a one-armed bandit"
They suggest she get a hook
Kimi "You're Captain Hook!"
Talik and Bruin board the factory ship, cutting through the hull above the waterline
Lee "So we're on the Lido Deck"
Talking about Tibanna gas is flammable, and joking about the Star Wars warning symbol, we decided it was a burning stick figure
Lee makes funny noises while his character uses Force powers
Kimi "The crew are going to tell the captain the ship is haunted"
Kimi "I'm going to cast Dim Other's Senses"
Lee " 'Cast'?"
Discussing the data storage in Rogue One
Lee "Its an eight track. Speight track"
Kimi finally gets to use her Beast Riding skill and Beast Language Force power
Kimi "They told me I'd never use it when I graduated Jedi college, but Ha!"
Lee "It was an easy elective"
Lee "I made copies of the data and put it in a secure location… my sock"
Mike and MC joined for the conclusion and we explained to MC that Bruin is a conspiracy theorist
MC, confused "But you work for the government…?"
Jim "Yep, you've got it"
Kimi rolled a total of "5" for Receptive Telepathy
Mike "You read your own mind"
Jim "You fail to read your own mind"
Arresting the corrupt company officers
Mike "I go for a bitch slap/hand cuff combo, maybe throw in a teabag"
Talik is going to read minds again
Lee "Rape his mind"
Mike "No lube"

No Time to Rest
Discussing Toydarian physiology and that their "pot belly" is actually a bladder of lighter than air gas to help them fly, Jim suggests its hydrogen.
MC "So their boobs are probably the same, which means my boobs float up under my chin"
Jim "Do you squeeze your nipples to let gas out to reduce buoyancy? Can you hold up a lighter to shoot flames?"
Landing at the so called port on the backwater world of Prine
Mike "How sketchy are the techs here?"
MC " 'Had sex with my sister before coming to work' sketchy?"
Jim "Not that bad"
Mike "Sex with their cousin"
MC rolls 10d6 for piloting, but botches and ends up with a 26
Jim "3.5 is the average on a d6, so she got below average but a decent landing"
MC "Sounds like my life; below average but a decent landing"

Spilled Blood
Discussing the pirate attack, Kimi's friend Amanda was spectating
Matt "Spirates"
Kimi "Steal their space booty"
Amanda "Spooty"
Discussing reports of Trump's "Golden Shower" prostitute party
Matt "I wonder how much that costs"
Kimi "I'll pee on you for free"
Jim "That's love"
Discussing the dead monks
Chmiel "Red shirts"
Jim "Red robes"
Running Beater
Jim "I keep wanting to make him sound like K-2SO, but it comes out more like Marvin the Paranoid Android"

Rebellion
Character Session
Emily was talking about how Mirialans were made second class citizens and basically put in camps or reservations
Emily "So then Trump, I mean, Palpatine…"
Looking at Assets and Complications
Michael "Would Natural Linguist be useful?"
Lee "No, but Cunning Linguist would be"
Talking about someone's character doing drugs
Lee "He took a hit off the space bong, the spong"
Kevin's character is a Mandalorian who wants to revive their past glory
Lee "Make Mandalore Great Again"
Michael "Build a wall around your world"
Mike "And make the Empire pay for it"
Jim "The Rebel base is code named Oracle"
Emily "Like the sage or part of the nipple?" <she meant areole>
Emily bursts out laughing
Emily "It was so hard to say that with a straight face"
More character slogans
Lee "Feel the Burn"
Kevin "Are you a Flametrooper?"
Emily "Are you gay? Because that's okay"
Kevin "He's not a Flamingtrooper"

Supply Raid
We were discussing if the planet Tel III had any moons and Emily suggested it had 14
Lee "Take your girlfriend outside and fondle each other through your spacesuits under the light of 14 moons"
Emily "I can't imagine what the tides are like"
Michael "When the moons line up, you get 100 foot waves"
Jim "That's when the surfer convention arrives"
Discussing that the campaign starts after the Battle of Yavin and that the destruction of the Death Star was a tremendous boost for Rebel morale and recruiting
Jim "There's a new hope"
Lee "I feel the Empire will strike back"
Mike "Someone will return"
The adventure takes place in the Laud system, which Jim mispronounced as "loud"
Lee "You can hear it from miles away"
Jim "Have you been hanging around with Chmiel?"
The mission shouldn't be too hard
Lee "Its a milk run. A blue milk run"
Discussing Lee's character only goes by his nickname
Lee "You don't know my name"
Michael "Its on your W-2"
Continual jokes and puns about being in the "Loud" system
Lee "It comes out loud, but no one notices because the ambient noise is so high"
C'athall and Varek are not doing well bribing the supply officer
Lee "Worst. Bribers. Ever."
Michael rolls to hit with two shots and due to bad rolls and botches, ends up with totals in the single digits
Lee "The troopers look at you and say 'That's a bad shot. And we're Imperials…' "
Rolling to see if Hack accidentally shoots C'athall or Varek
Kevin "If you shoot us, you're getting a talking to"
Jim asks Kevin a question about Varek's stats
Kevin "I have a two Knowledge"
Lee "Two dice or two points?"
Jim "Do you have Forgery?"
Lee "Poetry?"
Emily "That's what I heard, too"
Jim "It is not a pork truck"
Lee fails his Forgery to concoct an authentic sounding recall order to the TIE fighters
Lee "I might have done better rolling Poetry"

Refinery Strike
Discussing a disguise kit to conceal Leelan's race
Lee "Its called black face"
Jim "Space face"
Leelan's R5 has artwork inspired by Mirialan tattoos
Jim "Nice graffitti, did some Jawa kids steal it?"
Jim, to Michael "You may use Con <skill>"
Lee "Khan!!"
Smuggling weapons on board the transport
Jim "There's no T.S.A., so it should be easy"
Emily "There will be after this"
Jim "<newscaster voice> Mirialan terrorists destroy refinery"
Trying to make small talk with the employees
Lee "Do you work here often?"
Lee's character is being rebellious and C'athall, the team commander, regards him as being childish
Mike "Wait until I talk to your mother… Oh wait"
Mass "Ooowwww"
The players kept warning each other not to mention they had bombs
Kevin "How about those training videos? They're dynamite!"
Lee "Don't mention the bomb!"
Lots of "Somebody set us up the bomb" comments, mostly from Lee
Discussing the bombs, Jim says they are equal to at least a kilo of C4
Lee "How much is that?"
Emily (laughing) "You don't understand metric?" because Lee is Canadian and that's what they use
Lee "No, I don't know how much explosive it is"
Lee wants Hack to carry a bomb, but Mike says no, so Lee writes a protest poem
Lee "The Capt'n won't let me take the bomb,
Words can't explain how much he's wrong,
If I had the bomb, I'd BE the bomb,
But I guess we'll never know."
Planning the escape
Emily "I imagine we'll have a sloppy escape, yelling 'Run away, run away!' "
Talking about stealing the partially loaded ore freighter docked at the refinery
Lee "We could drop rocks on people and they could die"
Jim "Believe me, I'm thinking about that right now"
Stealing an escape speeder
Kevin "We walk briskly to the speeders"
Mike wants to fire the carbine, even though it does the same damage as his pistol
Mike "Rifle skill lets me roll more dice"
He rolls and gets ones on almost half his dice
Jim "More dice means more ones"

Quid Pro Quo
Discussing buying an airspeeder
Emily "We could almost buy our own ship for that"
Going to the spaceport bar
Michael "Is it a spiki (space tiki) bar?"
Jim "We go to ze meeting" (bad French accent, I don't know why)
Emily (confused) "Zee Mi Ting? Who's that?"
The contact is Graxi Takka
Emily "When I see his name, I want to say 'Graxi Taxi' "
The crime syndicate's offices are very posh
Emily "Did I bring my droid?"
Jim "Not unless he's serving drinks"
Emily "Never bring a droid to a knife fight"
During the meeting with the crime boss
Michael "Does he open a side door to show a bloody body hanging in chains?"
Jim "No, but I admit there is a little Niska vibe here"
Varek shoots a trooper and Kevin is disappointed he isn't wounded
Jim "He is wearing armor"
Kevin "Oh… Lame. It's not sporting"

Deathwatch
Discussing some D&D podcast's character
Michael "He was sleeping around like bards do"
Emily "Are bards known for that?"
Jim "Just ask Matt"
Emily "So bards are like the lead guitar player?"
And the Raise Dead ceremony, which requires some friends to come to help lure the dead soul back to life
Jim "Its a reverse eulogy"
The player characters are praised and get a bonus for getting the medical supplies for free practically
Emily "Do we get an award ceremony?"
Jim "Everyone gets a commendation in their records"
Emily "Five commendations earn you an award ceremony"
Kevin "Unless you're a Wookie. Or a droid"
One of the Rebel Y-wings from the Black Knives squadron is missing
Michael "Black Knives Matter"
Jim groans and penalizes Michael a chip for the bad pun
Emily "You've been waiting to say that, haven't you?"
Michael "Ever since he said 'Black Knives' "
The crew splits up on Genesia, looking for work
Emily "We're going to crime casual"
Describing the different Mandalorians and their tricked out armor
Emily "Mandalorians seem complicated"
Varek defeats the Mandalorian that attacked him
Michael "You need to cut off his head to gain his power"
Jim "This isn't Highlander"
Discussing why Deathwatch might be after Varek
Jim "You stole a ship"
Kevin " 'Stole' is a strong word' "

Scrapyard
(GM's note: I don't know what got into everyone, but we had an incredible amount of off-color jokes, NSFW references and dick sketching. And Matt wasn't even there! A lot of it never made it into my notes and at one point I flatly refused to write down anymore. So it was much worse than these comments suggest.)
Emily "I'm going to tell…"
Jim <sings> "She's going to tell"
Kevin "I run in and yell 'No singing! No singing on my ship' "
Talking about if Michael's character had a chance to tell his contact he had to flee the planet
Jim <mimes phone call> " 'We got to get offworld now… Yeah, bounty hunters.' It's an occupational hazard for career criminals"
Describing Chag's base of operations
Emily "It has its own junkyard inside. Its a junkyard inside a junkyard"
Kevin "Its Junkception"
Zaonderh remains behind on the ship
Jim "You're polishing your horns"
Emily "Is that what they're calling it these days?"
Looking for a ground vehicle in the junkyard
Lee "What about a food truck? They're everywhere, no one would pay any attention to us"
The crew got a discount on parts and got some money back and were discussing how to spend it
Mike "I'm getting the daily special on Pornhub"
Lee "I'm getting soup AND salad"
Lee's character was talking loud
Mike "Yeah, he's got Tourette's, just ignore him"
The crew is discussing what weapons and stuff to wear in the pirate town and decide to hit the local restaurant
Kevin, thoughtfully "You know… if we're going to a restaurant, I'm not going to wear my shoulder guns"
Jim "A Mandalorian, a Devaronian and a Mirialan walk into a bar…"
Kevin "You're looking at me? As overdressed?"
Discussing fashion in the Star Wars universe
Lee "Its an advanced society, so there are no ties"
Emily "I decided 'Hack' means chicken in Mirialan, but there are no chickens in Star Wars, like there is no underwear"
Michael mimed throwing up so well, for a moment Jim thought he was really choking
Mike "That's real roleplaying"
Lee "It's terrible using Google in Scotland," <great Scottish accent> "Angus, why don't you Goooogle it?"
Describing the local storage buildings, and that the owner sells stuff people leave behind, or takes merchandise as payment to sell later
Lee "Its Storage Wars!"
The storage building owner is an Elomin
Kevin, to Michael "You talk to him, horns talk to horns, its a rule"
The bartender put some booze in Hack's blue milk
Lee "Can I get an Irish Blue Milk?"
Kevin "Blue Milk Bomb"
Kevin "As Mandalorians, we don't have emotions"

Pilot Rescue
Michael has his dice laid out in a pattern on the table
Lee "Looks like you have a dice dick"
Looking at the map of the slavers' compound
Lee "Is that a fence?"
Emily "Dearest Kevin, I hope this plan finds you well"
Sneaking up on the enemy compound
Kevin "I hope we don't have a random encounter"
Discussing what they are wearing to attack
Lee "Its a black tie attack"
MC stopped in after work to bring Mike dinner
MC "I had the greatest experience at the gynecologist…"
The Star Wars end credits theme comes up on the playlist
Emily "Sorry guys, its over"
Mike "You'll have to wait until the next episode"
Searching the enemy shuttle
Kevin "Is it packed with gold?"
Lee "Its Myrrh"
Michael wants to keep the droid from the Y-wing
Kevin "The plans in that droid are critical"
Michael "What plans?"
Kevin "I don't know"
Michael "Can I find some discreet armor?"
Emily "Like from an adult store? Armor in a plain brown wrapper?"
Working on upgrading the ship
Lee "We sign up for an episode of Pimp My Ride"
Spending chips for improving skills
Lee "How do you learn Dodge <skill>?"
Jim "They take you down to the firing range and shoot at you with stun guns"
Mike "How many chips does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"

Droid Army Cache
Rolling initiative to see who gets the best chair in the briefing room, Lee super botches
Lee "I'm dragged out of the room by United Airlines"
During the briefing
Lee "That's not a distress call… It's a warning!"
The ship upgrades are complete, including the sensor jammer
Kevin "Yay! We can throw jam at people"
Kevin rolls so-so for a Piloting check
Jim "Adequate flying"
Kevin "I flew casual"
Scanning the planet, Emily beats Lee's Sensors roll
Lee "I was insensitive"
Talking about figuring out what was going on, someone suggested playing a TV game show
Michael "I want to buy a vowel"
Jim "You've got a pile of chips"
Lee "One big vowel movement"
Hack is working on the base's old computers and the rest of the team splits up to explore the base
Kevin "Did we want to leave him behind?"
Lee "Well, you all fucking did"
The battle droids attack the party
Lee "Exterminate!"
Trying to figure out how the tanks work
Kevin "How are these powered?"
Lee "Steam"
The Probe droid attacks
Michael "I'm behind Kevin, wherever he is"
Rehashing the last session for Mike, who came late, discussing Leelan's problems starting the tanks
Emily "Whenever I set something on fire, it's not on purpose. Unless I meant to do it"
Discussing Mirialans in galactic society
Emily "Are they like the Amish?"
Jim "No, they have wi-fi"
Talking about Emily's bad rolls
Emily "I haven't been playing this game very well today, its all luck based" <rolls poorly> "Oh shit…"
Michael "Its good you can roll that many 1's and 2's and still succeed"
"Groom the wookie" was a new euphemism
Discussing a famous science fiction star who attended a local convention and what a tool he is
Mike "He's the whole tool box"
The players spent points to improve their characters and the usual "Training montage" became the "Grooming montage"

Boots on the Ground
Emily rolls on Leelan's random activities table
Emily "Flight simulator <training> programs"
Lee "NERD!"
Discussing how Michael's character gets shot or locked in a car trunk when they visit Genesia
Michael "Its a trunk adventure; I got shot last time"
Kevin gets Varek's helmet sensor bonus on a roll
Jim "He wears his helmet all the time"
Lee "Are you Judge Dredd?"
The Empire is deploying a garrison to Genesia to crack down on illegal trade
Kevin "This sounds like a conversation at the White House"
Jim "The Empire's going to build a wall"
Mike "And Genesia's going to pay for it"
Leelan is looking for ship parts in a junkyard
Emily "Got any sensor packages?"
Jim "Go fish"
C'athall is flirting with the transport pilot and mentions his character has a nipple ring with a feather, which leads to jokes about dreamcatcher nipple rings and a trip to the internet to see that they do exist.
Jim "Okay, we've lost focus, that's it for tonight"
Discussing how hard it is for Michael's Devaronian to ever go under cover because he can't pass for a human, even in a helmet because of his horns
Kevin "So your complication is you're horny?"
Deciding not to infiltrate a base to steal a ship so they can infiltrate the garrison
Emily "It would be overplanning on top of overplanning"
Lee "Planception"
Michael is trying to figure out if he can wear some of the spare Mandalorian armor and helmet
Jim "You would have to cut holes in the helmet for your horns to stick through"
Emily "I feel horns sticking out of a mandalorian helmet would be so Viking"
Then we're looking at various Devaronian artwork, Michael finds one of a pirate in a very flamboyant outfit
Emily "He looks… swishy"
Jim "Anything that looks pirate looks swishy"
Hack's fake IT company is Deep Throat Software
Then there was a long discussion about Mon Calamari hands, Lee was sure they had suckers and we finally proved he was right, even the old action figures have sucker hands
Lee "What does that show? Don't doubt me"
Emily "But you've been wrong before."
Spying on the garrison from the woods
Kevin "I should have packed a lunch"
Looking at the control room's server farm
Lee "I get a little chubby thing (erection) thinking about that server room"
Discussing where to hide the speeder
Kevin "In the shrubbery"
There were a lot of silly code phrases, we ended up with a lot of breakfast references. After shooting the four troops
Kevin "I had to shoot four waffles out of the toaster, more waffles are on the way"
Lee "Butter side is down"
Then a discussion of breakfast foods for code names, mostly English ones from Harry Potter. Someone suggested "Danish"
Emily "There's no Danish, there are no Danes in Star Wars to name it after"
Mike "They're Spanish" pronounced spay-nish
Jim "You mean Spanish?"

Orbit City
Discussing getting a team tattoo and a name for the team
Kevin "Team Rebel World Police"
Would Leelan accept Mirialan tattoos on other races?
Emily "Can I roll to understand my own spirituality?"
Making up a code name for Chmiel's guest character
Lee "Sphincter"
Chmiel "The Executive"
Discussing going to a bar to meet the spy
Chmiel "Only these guys could overplan going to a bar"
Four stormtroopers, a local corporate security officer and an Imperial officer come to arrest the spy
Chmiel "At my best, I could only take three"
Chmiel botches his roll to stay calm
Kevin "You're the worst spy ever"
Zaonderh spills a drink on another bar patron and pretends to be drunk to start a distraction. Hack tries to apologize to the arrest squad
Mike "That is the most Canadian response ever"
C'athall attacks a stormtrooper
Mike "I am going to go John Wick on him"
Half the time Jim says "forgery", Lee hears "poetry"
Kevin "His forgery is so good, its poetry"
Chmiel's character shoots the informant
Chmiel "Snitches get stitches"
Zaonderh is trying to negotiate with some local thugs for safe passage
Emily "He's going to end up in a trunk"
Michael "This is a trunk adventure" Half the adventures, Zaonderh gets shot, the other half he ends up kidnapped in a speeder trunk
Talking about upgrade options for Zaonderh's cyberleg
Lee "I'm going to put wi-fi in your leg"
Chmiel "You'll get knee-mail"
Emily rolls a 31 to Sneak
Kevin "The shadows are hiding in you"
The next mission is supposed to be easy
Lee "It's a milk run. A blue milk run"

Death by Triflexia
Hack installs a holo-projector on the ship so it can project different designs on the hull to help change the ship's appearance
Emily "So just <drawings of> penises"
Hack is trading with the supply officers at the bases
Jim "You get a case of space brandy"
Lee "Sprandy"
Chmiel is discussing Bohdan's translator and calls it a "wookie-talkie"
The base engineer is dead from electrocution, but his head is oddly swollen
Lee "He's allergic to electricity"
Everytime Lee rolls Perception, he says "With four dice" because he just raised his stat
Discussing the Mirialan homeworld is cold and mildly radioactive
Lee "Chernobyl"
Chmiel's wookie is a little rambunctious
Mike "I'm going to squirt you"
Flying the sensor unit to the far side of the planet
Chmiel "I thought the planet was flat"
Emily "Only half the planet thinks that"

Devaronian Intrigue
Discussing that planets in Star Wars all seem to be made of a single terrain type and what will this one be
Emily "What kind of planet? I'm envisioning strip malls"
Planning to meet with Bib'seca
Michael "Can I buy him some wine and a pair of goblets that match his eyes?"
Jim "Do you want a job or a date?"
Looking for transport to run down clues in Le Yer
Emily "Is there space Uber?"
Michael "Spuber"
Emily "That sounds awful"
Michael "Splyft?"
Emily "Rodians never shoot first"
Jim "Rodians have a racial penalty to initiative"
Emily "Really?"
Jim "No. They're just bad at reading human body language that you're about to shoot them"
Emily "So they just stand there like a deer in the headlights"
Jim "Of course; look at those big eyes they have"
Discussing the missing Devaronian woman, Brinalloy
Michael "Do you think Devaronian women are less…"
Lee "Horny?"
Jim "Roll initiative"
Lee "With FOUR dice!"
The crew is having trouble fighting with just pistols
Kevin "I'm never going anywhere without an automatic weapon"
Somehow we got on a long and dirty conversation about some alien species having two anuses. The only comments I'm going to include are:
Kevin "I'm going to shoot him in one of his buttholes"
Lee "Second exhaust port"
Jim "Its directly below the main port"
Discussing interrogating one of the Rodians and waterboarding him
Mike "You want to see the faucet again?"
Discussing the new Star Trek series, Kevin had a slip of the tongue and called it "Star Trek: Dynasty"
Talking about what is the resort town like
Michael "Is it Las Vegas or Atlantic City?"
Deciding what weapons to carry
Jim "You're not carrying grenades"
Emily "We're not occupying it"
Varek wants to keep his helmet with him, since the sensors give him better Perception checks
Kevin "Its a prescription helmet"
Emily "Perception is not my best skill…" rolls 3 on 3d6.
Trying to talk to the Twi'lek singer
Michael "If he comes out. I'll give him some money to… <trails off in thought>"
Jim "To do what, Mr Weinstein?"
Searching the downed Trandoshan bounty hunter
Michael "What's his name?"
Jim "He doesn't have a name tag <sewn> in the back of his shirt"
Kevin "Check his underwear"
Emily "Calvin Klein, the Trandoshan?"

Second Try
Talking about Zaonderh trying to hook up with Brinalloy
Lee "They can lock horns"
Discussing fighting the Empire
Mike "We just need to find the minefield" referring to a game of Artemis where we won because we sucked the enemy into chasing us through a minefield.
The short briefing
Mike "We're going to penetrate some stuff, drop some bombs, fuck shit up"
Emily "Do you have a date?"
MC "It's Saturday night"
Looking for a sniper rifle for Leelan
Lee "Get the bump stock"
Explaining this was all planned by the Empire to ambush the Rebels
Lee "It's a trap!"
Looking for a tattoo artist for Leelan's Mirialan tattoos, Emily couldn't remember which planet she found one in a previous adventure
MC "On Tattoo-ine?"
Jim glares at her pile of chips and MC squeals, grabs her chips and tries to run so he can't steal a chip back

Diplomatic Difficulties
Lee wants Hack to get promoted faster
Lee "What do I need to do to get more rank?"
Jim "Be heroic"
Lee "If by heroic, you mean reckless and stupid, I've got that covered"
C'athall is flirting with the Rebel diplomat
Mike "I'm flirting really hard"
Michael "I'm cockblocking really hard"
The NPC's name is Sola
Lee "Bang Bus 15, Sola Powered"
Question of what did they mine on the planet
Lee "Talcum"
Jim "Thorium"
Emily "Lots of hammers"
Discussing character accents
Emily "I wish Varek was a super effiminate tough guy"
Jim "Tim Gunn, the Mandalorian?"
Escaping in their rented speeder
Kevin "What options does it have?"
Jim "Bluetooth"
Kevin "Does smoke come out the back?"
Jim "If you set it on fire"
Discussing how close they were to their ship
Jim "This is the port town"
Lee "Pork town?"
Emily "Do they have pork trucks?"
Lee "I see a new stop on the Bang Bus"

Murder on the Bacrana Clipper
Trying to decide what to get on pizza
Emily "Don't Gottlieb the pizza"
C'athall is being groomed for more responsibility
Lee "You're going to need to sit through more training videos"
Jim "Mandatory management counselling session"
Players are spending points on skills and somehow rape came into the discussion
Emily changes the music "This is your gun-fu and rape training montage"
Lee "Its persuasion with force"
Jim "Aggressive persuasion"
Kevin "I'll take 'the rapists' for 200 Alex"
Lee "Its therapists…"
Jim "Your next mission…"
Lee "Should you accept it"
Emily "I didn't want to say it"
Discussing possible cosmetic changes to the characters to go with their fake IDs
Lee "Kevin<'s character> walks around without his helmet and we're like 'Who is that?' "
Do the characters have extra civilian clothes?
Kevin "If by clothes, you mean different sets of armor"
Fake ID names
Kevin "Bob Rebel. Bob T. Rebel"
Everyone has been extra silly for a bit
Lee "We should pay Jim for this"
Discussing where we are in the Star Wars timeline and what news the Empire is releasing versus what it spins for propaganda
Emily "Everyone tells you where they were when they heard Alderaan was destroyed"
C'athall puts down the jealous husband and humiliates him, Lee tosses a blue chip to Mike
Mike "I'll kiss him after, just to be a dick. Its the hockey player in me"
Lee "That's why you got my chip"
Discusses the stores in the ship's promenade, but they're all vape shops
Emily "Is there a vape shop planet?"
The belligerent husband of the trophy wife is a former grav-ball player
Lee "Gravball player and his wife sound like an adventure hook"
Mike "Are there railroad tracks in space?"
Discussing how far down in fame the ex-athlete is
Jim "He's not on Dancing for the Emperor"
Lee <creepy emperor voice> "Dance, my young apprentice"
Kevin "You don't want to do badly there and get the Force Lightning"
Lee <creepy emperor voice> "I'm afraid the dance will be over before your friends arrive"
Leelan is drinking with the ship's engineers
Lee "Some people call this coolant, but we call it Friday night"
The ex-athlete is dead
Lee "My autograph is going to worth so much money now!"

Couriers
Discussing the fake company name the Bacrana cell is using
Lee "Re Bell Industries"
Bacrana is primarily human, the non-human minority is a very statistically small percentage
Kevin "Its like Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, they dissolve them. 'Put them in the barrel!' "
Discussing what to do with the non-human PCs during the jail break"
Lee "They can be fake prisoners"
Kevin "We can pull the Chewbacca Maneuver, these are planetary <security> guys, they won't know the Chewbacca Gambit"

Right Place
After spending points to bring up skills and stats, C'athall now has 4D in Perception
Mike "Now I know how Lee feels"
The team is getting clothing to go undercover as smugglers, etc. Mike wants C'athall to have miniature canaries in cages hanging from his pierced nipples
Emily "Nothing says "pirate" like live birds hanging from your nipples"
Jim "And a bandana"
Emily "Like Axl Rose"
Mike "So you can cover the bald spot"
Emily was running the random daily mix on Spotify and we got some odd songs as background music. At one point a particularly late 70's sounding song came on
Mike "Disco receiving new guns theme"
One of C'athall's nipple piercing caged birds had Tourette's
Emily, squeaky voice "Fuck, fuckin', fuck, fuck you"
Jim "I think its the little edge of Jewish accent you add that makes it perfect"
Emily "I just think of my mom"

Grand Theft Starship
Varek has the start of a panic attack in the cramped lifeboat
Kevin "Can someone command me not to freak out?"
Emily rolls to calm Varek down and was considering usung Leelan's Religiosity bonus
Jim "Leelan bores you into calm"
Moving towards the corvette's bridge
Jim "Make a Perception check"
Kevin <rolls> "Oh, fuck…"
Emily and Kevin's cat Stormaggedon is always jumping on the cabinet to walk on the laptop we use for music, but we didn't have it this week, so he walked around confused and jumped down. A little while later, the volume suddenly went up.
Jim "He headbutted the volume knob on the stereo, he figured out how to mess with the music"
Kevin "I'm a DJ!"
Discussing that Zaonderh is the bullet sponge and kidnap magnet
Emily "Its like bringing your child along so the pedophiles don't bother you"
The bridge has two techs and two more security droids
Lee "There are more things on this bridge than are dreamt of in your philosophy"
A security droid shoots Hack
Lee <russian accent> "Fuck you droid, I shoot you back"
Jim "Thank you Boris"
Discussing MC's character Aurin, and what about her gives the Memorable complication
Mike "Giant Boobs"
Lee "Captain Hotboobs?"
Everyone is making Sensor rolls and most people do poorly
Jim "The computer says 'You seem to be trying to search for ships, can I help?' "
Heading away from the patrol ships, plotting the jump to hyperspace
Jim "You've got two
Mike "Tickets to Paradise?"
Jim "I was going to say rounds of combat"
Again discussing Aurin's big boobs
Emily "She has fan service boobs?"

Head Games
Pay day for the characters
Lee "I have 667 credits, can I get paid 124 credits instead?"
Emily "You can give me a credit"
Lee "There we go, 666 credits"
Emily "You are so metal"
Droid minis were used for the cantina band and everyone kept talking about the band as if they were droids
Lee "Their timing is tight as shit, but their music has no soul"
Emily made a comment about how alliterative the situation was
Emily "Big barren booth beside the Bimm beholding the bad blues Bith band"
Joking about ordering drinks
Kevin "I got this drink in a bar on Coruscant, it was green. Can you make it?"
Somehow we got off on a side topic about Mirialan porn and Hack maintains the secret porn server on the Rebel base
Lee "I'm always looking for new porn"
Jim "As part of your job as morale officer"
The Bimm Ginder is asking for 1,000 credits for the droid head
Lee "A thousand credits for head seems a little high"
Kevin rolls very poorly shooting his missile launcher even though he bought two extra dice to roll
Kevin "Its not my fault!"
Lee "I'm glad you spent those extra chips to get those extra ones"
Who's driving the get away speeder?
Emily "I am. I'm a good driver"
Mass laughter
Jim "Okay Rain Man"
They download L8O's data, and decide Redo will run through it faster
Jim "Droid on droid action"
Lee "Bang Bus 18: Droid on Droid"
Talking about the last episode of The Expanse before the game
Emily "Space is complicated"
C'athall was on a field training exercise and everyone was making comments about how it must have been nicer than the barren rock the base is on
Emily "Vacation CE?"
Mike " 'Training Exercise'. I come back super tanned"
Deciding who is flying the ship for the landing on the junk planet
Emily, to Kevin "You're piloting, I'm too excited about junk"
Looking at what droids the junk dealer has
Jim "Not so much a show room…"
Kevin "A show heap?"
Jim "Yes, like a mass grave. Bodies piled on top of each other"
Leelan pukes in his helmet
Mike "When did we have corn?"
Emily figured out some clues without having her character make skill checks
Emily "I use Perception without having to roll badly"
The mynocks have chewed holes in walls and electronics
Emily "These are not good pets"
Jim "No, you will not get your security deposit back"
The space slug bites Varek and chews on him
Kevin "Am I still in the mouth?"
Mike "That's what she said"
Emily "No, you're in the esophagus"
Mike "I'm currently in the sphincter. Repeat, I am in the sphincter"

Bug Out
Leelan maneuvers to give Aurin a better shot
Lee "Maneuvers…"
Emily "Its more of a gesture"
Leelan boards the Y-wing and checks it out
Kevin "Damn, its a stick <shift>"
Discussing if the Shriek-Hawk has artficial gravity
Kevin "This is Star Wars; a cardboard box in space would have artificial gravity"
Leelan shoots and destroys a TIE
MC "You brought your boomstick"
At one point we had a side conversation about a show MC watched about bizarre sex practices and she mentioned one woman's 160+ dildo collection that she had lined up on shelves on display
Lee "That's awkward at Christmas"
Landing on the planet with the new Rebel base
Kevin "Is there air?"
Emily "Its the vape shop planet"
The planet's atmosphere is mostly breathable, but the average temperature and humidity is high
Lee "We can go for a hot, sticky picnic"
Mike "Bang Bus 20: Hot Sticky Picnic"
However, in the growing season, the atmosphere is tainted with a lethal fungal spore. Varek's mandalorian armor has breathing filters
Emily "The rest of us have to look like Bane"
The fungal infection can be treated
Emily "We just need some anti-cancer meds*"
Mike "Are there <toxic> slugs*?"
Jim "You can go dig in the dirt if you want"
*- Referring to the book Cibolla Burn from The Expanse series.
Do people infected by the spores turn into zombies?
MC "Those people need to be set on fire immediately"

Convoy
Kevin and Emily had a Star Wars branded fruit punch
Lee "Space Punch?"
Jim "Spunch"
Emily was talking about doing clinical reports and how she always misspells any thing with "-itis" as '-tits"
Emily "You can imagine how horrible that seems sometimes"
Lee "Necrotizing fasciitits"
The sector's command staff was in the last ship of the rear guard to report in
Lee "Bang Bus 21: Rear Admirals"
Discussing team order for the boarding assault, C'athal and Varek are in the lead, Hack is towards the rear
Lee "These guys are professional murderers, I'm more of a recreational murderer"
Aurin is hit by a grenade and her arm is blown off.
Jim "Aurin will get an award, Bleeding Bantha instead of a Purple Heart"
MC "Sounds like a bar name"
Lee "A real dive"
Emily "Like The Pink"
Later the team finds drums of bacta
Mike "Marinade MC in it"

Mimics
Discussing an outdoor LARP game of Lord of the Rings Emily played in college
Emily "…And I couldn't find Mt. Doom"
Lee "Its in Mordor"
Emily "But I was in Wisconsin"
Still looking for other Mirialans
Lee "Mirialan Tinder"
Jim "Space Tinder, Spinder"
Lee "But there's only three accounts"
Discussing issues at the new base planet
Emily "Space spores suck because its still spores"
Redo is reprogrammed to be a pilot
Lee "To make you feel better, I'm going to paint a big red eye <on Redo> and name it HAL9000"
Finding the dead Mon Calamari
Mike “Did the Mon Cal leave a message in blood? 'I'm in Hell, come find me' "
Examining the dead Mon Cal
Emily "I put cocktail sauce on the Mon Cal before I lick it"
Mike "Does it have a tentacle vagina?"
MC "Suction cup nipples?"
Emily "Space farts are the worst"
Mike "In space, no one can hear you fart"
Walking through the woods
Mike "If you hear banjos, run like Hell"
Discussing what kind of single biome planet this is
Kevin "Its the Australian planet, everything is trying to kill you"

Revolution
The mining colony is on the planet Cirra
MC "Cirra? Like Sierra? Sounds like a stripper name"
Mike "Cirra, the stripper planet"
The players are still complaining about needing filter masks or respirators to go outside on the new base planet
Lee "Bang Bus 22: Two Girls, One Respirator"
Planning the start of the workers' revolt
Kevin "I thought we were going to be pamphleting"
Jim "Its not a leaflet campaign"
Making bad astrogation rolls
Mike "We got lost at the last star"
Jim "Should have turned left at Aldebaran"
Last minute ideas for running the patrols
Lee "Let's strip the shielding from our reactor core and strap some bodies to our ship and they'll think we're reavers"
Arming the freed slave workers
Emily "Can I pass out guns to the slaves and say 'I'm Leelan, do you want some guns?' "
Jim "History repeats itself"
Emily "With a character with a strangely similar name"
Leelan is sniping at a security droid
Lee "Shoot him in the head"
Emily "Can't I shoot him in the actuator so he can't move?"
Lee "Shoot him in the head actuator"
Freeing the workers
Lee "Any 18 year old slave girls who need help, I'm all over that." (Thinks about how that sounded) "Not in a rapey way"
Searching the compound
Lee "Oh, Jim, I did try to rape the computer system"
Emily rolls poorly for Leelan's Perception
Jim "Leelan's looking for the motor pool"
Emily "He found a pool…"
The team hits a troop transport and the soldiers inside bail out
Lee "They're now the Foot Clan"
The local rebels carry supples from the prison camp and the rescued workers back to the caves they hide out in
Emily "This is so Afghani…"
After the ship accident, there's a discussion of cannibalism, but Jim points out some species may not be edible by other races
Jim "Mirialans are radioactive, extra zesty"
Lee "Hot wings"
Emily "The radioactivity tingles on your tongue"

Scavengers
Emily makes a successful roll
Emily "I didn't die"
MC pointing at Emily's d6 "You didn't die"
Remembering who was wounded in the last adventure
Emily "I lost my foot"
MC "Do you need help finding it?"
The crew outside the ship are using lots of safety lines
Mike "I literally look like a marionette"
Redirecting power to extend life support
Emily, to Lee "I diverted power from your porn"
Jim "You're going to survive an extra week"
Emily "It was the largest power draw"
Surrendering to the scavengers, trying to look nonthreatening
Emily "I'll act more wounded than I am"
Mike "You wrap your head with an old Civil War bandage"
Hack mouths off to the guards and one hits him with the butt of his blaster rifle, which is a buttstroke, but no one else knew that, so for the rest of the night, it was all sexual innuendo such as:
Mike "He buttstrokes you, running his hand down the curve of your butt"
Discussing how to attack the Aqualish, who are spider-walrus men
MC "Grab them by the pussy"
Lee "Grab them by the ovipositer"
Their ship's cargo bay is inside the other ship's cargo bay
Lee "Cargoception"
Emily's character is tied to a cargo ring in the floor and trying to fight
Lee "You could foot sweep him"
Mike "But you've only got one foot"
An enemy is hit and wounded twice
Kevin "He's double wounded, its like double secret probation with blood"
The secret word to attack was moist, and Leelan was walking around on his stump so of course we added
Lee "Bang Bus 23, Moist Stump"
Emily "Bang Bus 24, Butt Strokelandia"
Looking down the long hallway of the bridge deck, with all the doors to side rooms
Kevin "Doors and Corners"
Leelan puts his wounded leg in the autodoc and it sedates him and he passes out
Mike "You're going to wake up with a Deadpool baby foot"

Liberation of Bacrana
Leelan gets a seismic motion detector in his prosthetic foot, Emily wants it activate by a tongue control like Clarissa Mao in The Expanse.
Mike "You look like an old man chewing on peanut brittle"
The spaceliner solo cabin is very small like one on a train
Kevin "The future of the past is now"
Lee "Instead of Clone Wars, it should be clone porn. Clone Whores"
Jim "That puts a whole new spin on Disney's new <Clone Wars cartoon> series"
Renting a shuttle
Kevin "We should take the insurance option"
Emily rolls well for Leelan to fly the shuttle and Emily is proud of her character's flying
Emily "We should have an award ceremony"
Michael <slow golf clap>
Lee "Are we there yet?"
Discussing the gross green milk from the sea cows in The Last Jedi, the Wookieepedia says "Characterized by their udders, large flippers, and long snout…"
Mike "That's how you characterize strippers; by their udders"
Trying to flirt with the stormtroopers, Aurin deliberately spills her drink on her shirt
MC " 'Pour some sugar on me' comes on"
At the beginning of the second session
Lee "Are we going to have a Rogue One ending?"
Jim "I hadn't planned on it"
Discussing how the characters could do themselves in
Kevin "Oh, this is a <Tibanna> gas mine?"
Lee "Darth Vader can't be that tough"
Jim "I hadn't planned on a TPK, but if you screw up enough…"
Lee "Challenge accepted!"
Aurin is tying up the stormtrooper
MC "Not hog tied, just 50 Shades of Grey
Varek helps Aurin with the stormtrooper
Mike "Are you going to bum rush him? Or butt stroke?"
Kevin decides Varek will hit the stormtrooper with his rifle's stock
Mike "You ARE going to butt stroke him"
Lee "We've now moved into a different kind of roleplaying"
Talking about new Dr. Who and meeting Peter Capaldi at a con
Lee "Peter Capaldi is the House of Dr. Who"
Discussing renting/stealing vehicles for the raid
Lee "Can we get a bus and call it the Bang Bus?"
C'athall is going to go all out to attack
Mike "I am going John Wick"
MC "Pencils shoot out of his blaster"