Serenity Game Quotes

Serenity "The Yellow Submarine" Campaign
"Its happier than you might expect from a bunch of dead guys." Wilks, about the Beatles
"I don't often cheat, but when I do, I get a two step bonus" 
"WWSMD. What Would Saxon Molyneux Do?" 
"Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Saxon Molyneux." 
New folksy word by Emily: "invitenment" 
"See. I love it when questions I didn't ask lead to answers to questions I didn't know I had." Emily
"That's because my Gamemaster Fu is practically precognitive." Jim 

Motherlode (Delve1)
“I gotta get me some pineapples.” Wilks (Tony)

Zilan Wine (Delve2)
“Islands house villains” Tony
“Too bad you don’t have any alcohol.” Tony throws in some plot points. “Check for beer under the seat.” Jim and Tony

Refrigerated Refugees
“Manifest says farming machinery. People can be farming machinery.” Finx (Lorne)

The Warehouse
“Who are you?!” “I’m Lennon…Want some guns?” Pirate prisoners and Lennon (Emily)

Aces & Eights
“If Liberace were a NASCAR driver, he would look like that.” Emily about Finx (Lorne)

“They’re dust devils, Cap’n.” Wilks (Tony) to Captain Sata (Raleigh)

“Lennon’s hair is fantastic.” “Thank you. Wait, was that in character?” Tony to Emily 
“Lennon can go see Dr. Hotbrunette.” “It’s pronounced ‘Ha-bru-nay.’” Jim and Tony

Glory's Flight
Battle Hymn of the Republic plays over the radio as the ship's anthem.
“What are they, fundamental Christians?” Emily

Reverend Black
“I can’t tell if these are directions, or a map…” Howard (Chmiel)
“The Reverend plays a mean game of Fish” Wilks (Tony)
“He’s not my doctor, he’s here for YOU.” Tony
"I press the 'Automatically do what the Captain says' button" Raleigh 
"I thought it was in Ferengi" Chmiel, I can't remember what he was looking at.

Relief Team
"A pilot, a mechanic and a doctor walk into an adventure…" Jim
"Lidocaine, Morphine and Ketamine; the Chex Mix of painkillers." Emily
"Throw us a bone. With some meat on it…" Konrad

Across the Bright Face
"Now we have some bling" Kevin, after Raleigh's character drove their mining crawler through a geyser of molten gold.

Secrets of Miranda
"We're going in armed and overplanned." Emily
"So there's reaver squirrels here?" Kevin
"Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space" Raleigh

The Lost Village
Kevin "Have you ever seen The Naked Gun?"
Emily "This isn't a comedy."
Jim "It is some days."

Boon Companions
Niels to Konrad as he walked in "You look like you're only half here, maybe your other half will show up eventually."
Kevin "I don't like candy corn, but they're better than Necca wafers."
Konrad "You're smoking space pot, its spot."
Konrad "You have a ship full of vice." (Konrad's character was an ex-Companion, Emily's was a drug addict, the NPC doctor was a heavy drinker)
Emily was trying to find music on Pandora and hit some some kind of techno-funk, and:
Niels "When my captain steps on to the bridge, he does the Robot."
Konrad "I don't always do the Robot, but when I do…"
Emily "So he just rolls 'Basic Stealing Shit'?" Her character was a petty thief, but didn't have any Covert skill.
Emily "So he's Business Drunk?"
Jim "No, he's Russian Doctor Drunk."
Niels "But not Mexican Doctor Drunk."
Konrad "I don't bring up her mourning clothes."
Emily "Because its afternoon."
Jim and Konrad simultaneously facepalm.
Konrad's character is signing in new passengers, including a guy who could scare Jayne Cobb.
Konrad to Niels "Are you going to try to hire him?"
Niels "He looks like he would fit in well."
Niels "She's endangering our lives."
Kevin "So is everyone else."
Emily "It's his best skill."
Konrad "Finding drugs?"
Emily "No, taking them."
Jim "You see three men in frontier style clothing."
Emily "Davy Crockett, Howdy-Doody and The Lone Ranger."
Emily "Now that we're underway, all I can do is start fights and do drugs, those are my skills."
Konrad to Niels and Kevin "He anti-paid, he shot you and him."

Reaver Detour
Before we even started…
Kevin "I have major amnesia."
Konrad salutes.
Kevin "But I don't remember that."
Konrad "You can't choose dice willy nilly like that."
Matt "I do."
Kevin "Well, there's your problem."
Kevin's character is on the bridge "I'm making sure the three switches work."
Jeremy "Make sure the passengers don't hear the screaming, that might put them off."
Konrad "I can entertain someone while doing math, especially someone so crass."
Konrad "I wear my tux after 6pm, what are we, farmers?" Turns to Michael, playing Zeke, "No offense."
Michael, in character "Back on the farm, we used spit for fertilizer. We didn't have any rain, so we had to make our own."
Kevin "How did you lose your farm again?"
Matt "I've killed more men than you."
Konrad "It's quality over quantity and I've killed more quality men than you."
Matt "Not today, you haven't"
Michael "It's a spaxe?"
Jim "Yes, its a space axe, a spaxe."
Jim "You also have Bester" (To send outside to do repairs)
Konrad "Oh, I would totally send him out the airlock. Oh wait, you mean with a space suit?"
There was also a very silly group discussion about someone's character making pistol attacks, but using them as thrown weapons, not shooting them. There was too much laughing for us to catch it all, but there was a final comment about handguns thrown as boomerangs so they came back.

Cash on Delivery
John "In space, no one can hear you scream…unless your comlink is open"
John has some jumbo sized dice
Emily "It's like Fisher Price: My First Dice"
Konrad "Big dice for big rolls"
After a night of trying stolen drugs, Emily's character oversleeps for his shift and is rousted out by Konrad's character
Emily "I have bed head and vomit down my shirt"
Konrad "So nothing unusual then"
The ship is being pursued by another vessel on an intercept course, possibly a pirate
Raleigh "It doesn't give off reavery signs"
Emily "So the eye patches gave them away"
Raleigh's captain orders passengers to return to their quarters for possible turbulence
Kevin "I don't know if turbulence is believable"
Raleigh "Spurbulence?"
The pirates fire a missile which is dodged
Raleigh "Can we catch up to the missile?"
Jim "Why?"
Raleigh <shrugs> "Free missile"
Raleigh asking the mechanics to do some ship repairs
Raleigh "Can you change these yellow lights to green? Without changing the bulb to green…"
Raleigh "That's the name of my pistol, 'Reputation'" He mimes holding a gun out. "My 'Reputation' precedes me."
Emily's character is looking for something to steal in their dead contact's office
Konrad "His Sprolex?"

Earning Xian Jin the Hard Way
Chmiel "Wait a minute, we're two samurai short!!" (Chmiel realized what the set up was halfway in)
Matt "Don't argue with the mute!"

Stories from Serenity Valley
Matt"Expeditionary force? I thought it said "Expendable" Force"
Matt "Not so badass, more goat-humping" about Chmiel's Farmboy Browncoat
Emily "Rules Lawyer for the win" after winning an argument with Jim
Matt "Go home dice, you're drunk"
Chmiel "I'm not dumb, just ignorant"
Emily "You fooled me"
Emily "Never bring a beer to a cocktail party"
Emily "If you want a beer that drinks like soda; PBR"
Jim "Okay, you're going off road"
Matt "No, we're off topic"
Emily "Your chest is not just a hanger for boobs"
Emily "I usually say when I'm doing something dumb"
We had a running gag about mooning instead of saluting:
Kevin "Why didn't you moon us? We almost shot you"
Emily "It shoots when I do it" realizing how that sounded, she rolled her eyes and decided to go all the way and said "That's what she said!"
Emily "I was just going to tell you to distract them with interpretive dance."
After blowing up the Alliance APC and taking out the troops, Matt's scout searches them.
Kevin "Is there any teabagging involved?"
Kevin "I'm surrounded by douchebags!"

Cargo of Misery
Konrad is telling everyone how someone stole his backpack full of D&D books out of his car:
Leora "That is the dorkiest thief ever."
We had an extra character for a Marine Private left over, so we made him an NPC. The group started making suggestions for his name to be Private Parts, then Private Harold (Harry) Parts. Then that he was Dishonorably Discharged…That set the theme for the evening and we had a run of penis jokes all night long…
There was a discussion about Reavers vs Zombies, who would win? Then there were other suggestions which came down to Reavers vs Tribbles…
Jim "Would reavers even bother tribbles? Well, they can feel pain and react, so I guess they would. I think reavers would just see tribbles as hors d'oeuvres."
John laughed so hard he couldn't talk for at least 15 seconds.
Michael "I partially went to medical school, so I know things."
Konrad's helmsman is having a terrible time with bad dice rolls while matching courses with the freighter. But when it comes time to dock, he does it perfectly:
Jerry "It's kind of like his sex life; 3 or 4 attempts to line things up, people yelling 'no, no, no', then it goes in smooth."
Konrad "Does anyone have any aloe for my burn?"
Matt "Make sure no one can use our ship while we're away"
Konrad "I put The Club on the controls."
Jim describes the wounds of the prisoners that the players suspect are bad guys
Leora "They came that way"
Chmiel's corporal picks up the wounded marine to take to sickbay
Konrad "Grab your private and run"

Running out of Patience, redo
Some girls walk by in the hallway with a beagle
Michael "I don't like the kind that are noisy. I can't remember what are they called; a woman at my church has a couple"
Jeremy "Children?"
After spending all night defending his character's piloting skill, Michael finally gets to fly the ship. And he rolls a double 1 on his 2d10 and botches, crashing the ship
Michael "Any landing you can walk away from…"
Jeremy "The ship carried us all the way to the scene of the crash"
Jeremy "Okay, if anyone asks, I had to jury rig the ship and it barely worked"

Matt, before the game starts: "I had a legitimate bar brawl last night; I punched a girl in the throat"
There were lots of jokes about missing passengers and crew members turning up as rations:
Lee "I would like to change my character's name from Stewie"
Michael "This meat is a little tough"
Lee "Tough as Nails"
Matt, repeatably about his Portly character "Big, meaty hands"
Lee's character is dancing with his potential date "I do the Meridian mambo"
Jeremy rolls two threes:
Jeremy "Doubles give you a bonus, right?"
Lee "Its not Monopoly"
After the bar brawl, where Matt's character took 18 stun points out of his 20:
Jim "You can't tell where the beating ends and the hangover starts"
Someone was talking about Stewie's date and that she let him do the wierd stuff:
Lee "I still have pudding behind my ears"
Michael "We don't play fair in space"
Matt about his character being Portly, but still gets around good "I'm acrofatic"
The pilot is sleeping in the pilot's chair with a cowboy hat over his face:
Jim "Is your hat white or black?"
Michael "Black, to match my jacket"
Discussing that the medic Alyssa made a great pretend prostitute:
Michael "She was a multipurpose camp follower"

Crystals from Aberdeen
Jeremy "The more systems I play, the less I like D20"
Konrad's character sneaks up on the cook, because his character likes to surprise the crew:
Matt "Aaah! Don't do that! I'm fat, I could have a heart attack and you'd be out a cook!"
Jim "There's goulash on the ceiling"
Matt "You see this? That's how you get ants"
Konrad's captain is questioning Matt's former syndicate character about where the replacement engine came from and Matt is really pushing the New Jersey Italian accent:
Jim "I feel like I'm watching The Sopranos"
Matt rolls a 20 for his cooking skill:
Matt "That's a Heroic piece of chicken"
Describing how Matt's Portly character looks in a space suit:
Jim "<Alex> looks like a blimp"
Konrad "You're the Michelin Man!"
Getting ready to run the blockade:
Michael "Everyone strap in"
Matt "Why, are we landing again?"

Fox the Badger
After Badger shows up with four thugs and the tong boss has two guards:
Michael "Remind me to hire someone like you; everyone else has two guards"
Jeremy, pointing at Chris playing the hacker "You've got him"
Michael "He's brains, not muscle"
Jeremy "Maybe he can confuse them with math"

Serenity "Lost Sheep" Campaign
Matt "I'm a pianist"
Emily "Whale leather or regular leather?"
Emily "Can Over Complicated Character be a Complication?"
Talking about the fact that we had two assassin characters and almost had three…
Raleigh "Yo dawg, I heard you like assassins"
Going over the chain of command and who's playing who.
Matt "What?! Michael's playing the pilot? Oh no, we're all going to die!" Michael has had bad die rolls playing pilots…
Jim was asking Kevin if his former browncoat wore his coat regularly and it ended up being admitted that Silas only wears his browncoat on Unification Day so he can have an excuse to start a fight because he likes beating up people in bars.
Jim "So you're like those fans who only support their local teams when they're in the playoffs. You're just a U-Day browncoat…"

Shared Enemies
Matt brought a bottle of Korean wine a friend in the Army gave him. It was a milky white liquid that was tried reluctantly.
Jim "No thanks, I don't care for formaldehyde"
Lee "How do we know what it is, it could be dolphin semen"
Emily "It does look like a bottle of cum"
(GM's note: A friend later figured out it was Makkoli rice wine)
Captain Windsor posted the ship's information on the port network and that they now had a medic
Lee "Can we put it in flashing lights? New and improved!"
Emily "Now with Medic!"
Kevin "Can we get one of those inflatable flailing tube men to put in front of the ship?"
Lee's captain is doing a pre-flight walk around the ship and people were suggesting things he might be looking for
Emily "Space barnacles?"
Lee "Sparnacles"
Discussing the ship's medical equipment
Raleigh "Do we have a cheese scalpel?"
Captain Windsor's girlfriend was lost on a ship going to New Melbourne, every time Lee said "New Melbourne", he faked his character choking up and getting teary eyed.
Matt's character is a piano player and has a sophisticated electronic keyboard, then it was a keytar, then Matt said the neck comes off to reveal a katana blade and it became a keytarna…
Matt is talking in character about how his character needs privacy to care for his little girl and in his assassin's voice it was really creepy…
Emily "We'll pay the 15 credit incest charge"
Kevin "Its the Sandusky rate"
That one floored everyone…
Kevin "Its the Sandusky room; its nothing but the boys' showers…"
I rolled on the random breakdown technobabble chart in the book. Afterwards, Raleigh gave a flowing description of the part and why the malfunction affected the controls. Emily was amazed he had had memorized an obscure description of a minor part. I told her no, he just made that up on the spot…
We have a tradition of picking actors to use as character appearance models. Windsor is Jack Davenport, Silas is a young Danny Trejo, Naomi is Nicole DeBoer with blue dyed hair, Ruan is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ronnie is Jason Statham. Michael finally picked Isaiah Mustafa from the Old Spice commercials for Cid.
Jim "Look at your pilot, now look at me. Look at your pilot, don't you wish he was me?"
I had names and descriptions for the five hijackers. The players just gave them nicknames: Teeth (asian male leader), Forehead Dot (hindu male), Other Guy (other asian male), Boobs (only female), and Ritz (white male, he was a "cracker").
After the fight
Matt "Do I see the dead people?"
Kevin "He was dead the whole time! That totally changes the plot of the movie!"
Discussing what to do with the bodies of the hijackers and the lone survivor and whether or not to just chuck them all out the airlock
Matt and Raleigh in unison "Don't space me bro!"

Gold Rush
Lee "We've got a cargo of <sings> heavy metal" That gag was repeated for the first half of the session.
Jim is describing the port on Liann Jiun and how its like a modern day airport with long concourses serving the landing berths
Emily "There's a Burger King and a Starbucks"
Lee "This is the future, there's just Taco Bell"
Talking about how Silas's mustache is frightening and intimidating, making jokes about how the ends curl up like someone showing off their biceps and its so tough that Silas sharpens his knife on it.
Kevin "My mustache is offended"
Naomi is heading out for a night on the town
Raleigh "I'll be right drunk"
Matt's character is paying his passage in advance so the crew can buy better security gear
Kevin "So your room is endowed?"
Lee "This crapper made possible by a grant from the Fullmer Fund"
The ship is taking on 20 passengers who are sleeping on the cargo bay deck
Emily "Its going to smell like Gen Con"
Raleigh "We got paid to take yokels to yokeldom? Boooo"
Ruan carries an unconscious Naomi aboard after she was doped with roofies at a rave
Emily "I'll be in my bunk"
Talking about the guy Ruan killed at the rave
Raleigh "His mind was blown"
Matt "There's going to be a bar fight"
Emily "Why?"
Matt "Because I'm going to take Naomi to a bar"

Alone in the Night
The job will take the crew to Persephone, then on to Ezra
Lee "There is nothing better than Ezra"
Matt didn't know who George Harrison was
Raleigh "John, Paul, George and Ringo. One pope covers 3/4 of them."
Emily "Pope Ringo was the best"
Emily wanted her gun to be called the "Bitchin' Camaro"
Matt "The Camaro line of pistols. Zero to dead in less than three trigger pulls"
Jim "You're carrying a cargo of protective gear"
Lee "Oh, you mean condoms"
Naomi is working on the bridge controls and learning to fly
Kevin "Can you figure out what the three switches do? No one ever has."
Matt "I ask Sillious"
Jim "Silas"
Emily "Why so sillious?"
Lee "I call on the space phone"
Emily "Spone"
Cid brings back empty cargo containers as decoys and Badger's men demand to see that their stolen goods aren't inside
Jim "Cid shows up with a couple containers on a port truck"
Lee "Pork truck?"
Emily "That's what I heard too"
Lee "We open the containers and show them…they are empty, right?"
Ruan is trying to explain why he didn't tell the captain they were working for Niska
Emily "I was afraid if you knew what we were doing, you wouldn't have taken the job"
Lee "Are you saying I don't know what I'm doing?"
Captain Windsor comes back from meeting Niska and finding out who he was working for
Raleigh "That's the face of a man who needs waffles"
Matt "How was the tea we bought?"
Lee "Like an angel pissing on my tongue"
Talking about old space heroes
Matt "Who's Flash Gordon?"
Lee facepalms with an audible smack
The former Independents are going out drinking and looking for some Alliance supporters to brawl with
"Going out to paint the town brown…Wait, that doesn't sound good"
They take on the former browncoats turned bounty hunter as passengers
Matt "Are they a soldier, fighter and a cop?
Kevin "Now we have some redshirts in case we're attacked"
The ship's grav boot is starting to fail
Raleigh "We're flying a Commodore 64"
Lee "We'll get a german made replacement; Das Grav Boot"
Emily "Can we get grav stilettos, or maybe a grav pump?
Jim "Sorry, grav crocs"
Everyone let out a sad "Ooohhhh…"
Discussing how much money the junkyard team had left after getting the grav boot
Kevin "Oh, did we have a budget?"
Michael botches for Cid playing pool
Raleigh "This guy is a master. I watched him play all night and he never lost a ball down one of those little holes"
Emily bought the Sweet and Cheerful asset for Ruan
Emily "What is Sweet and Cheerful for a guy?
Raleigh "Have you ever met a Mormon?
Trying to get a sensor read on the derelict
Emily "Do you know anything about the ship's controls?"
Raleigh "Sort of"
Emily "Well, there's an amber…(loses track of what she wanted to say) alert"
Matt "Where's my daughter!!??"
A joke was made about looking up the ship on Space Google, or Spoogle
Trying to crank open the manual hatch release on the Folsom, Kevin rolls a 3
Kevin "I can't use my mustache in space" Followed by lots of jokes about the mustache growing down his arms to give extra strength.

Jim asked Kevin if he had come up with a name for Silas' old unit raised from indentured workers (mudders) on Higgins' Moon, the other players suggested "The Mustachios", "Tough Mudders" and "Mudder Fuckers"
Michael brought up the possibility of adding a sickbay to the ship, but Emily pointed out her character is only a paramedic and therefore really couldn't use it properly
Lee "So, pool table with a tarp it is"
The cargo is 280 tons of cheap beer in kegs on pallets
Lee "Leave the beer alone"
Raleigh "But it will be lonely"
Lee "We got paid, right?"
Emily "Beer money"
Jim "Pilots make piloting rolls, passengers make…"
Emily "Passenger rolls?"
Raleigh "Drunkards make drunkard rolls"
The two shuttles are searching for the bad guys, Kevin, Lee and Michael all rolled 9s, Emily got an 11
Emily "My roll goes to 11"
Jim had a side discussion about a website dealing with the gangs of the Old West that he used for research
Michael "Back to the Future West"
Naomi was drinking heavily, Jim had Raleigh roll a Resistance check
Jim "You are not asleep in a puddle of your own vomit"
Kevin "Its somebody else's"
Ronnie and Naomi were left to guard the ship, instead they got drunk, locked it up, then went to town to get more booze
Lee "I had something a little more guardy in mind"
Discussing mounting weapons on the ship
Lee "I've got no objections against guns on the ship, I just don't want to pay for it"
Raleigh "Okay, steal weapons, got it"
Ronnie leaves Sarah with the deputy's family during the mission
Lee "She's going to come back all rusticated"

Hired Help
Kevin "We have a sign on the ship 'This many days since last hijacking attempt'."
Lee "Love overcomes all dice rolls"
Talking about Silas' home brewing and using protein paste, the booze was "Soylent Clear"
Ruan is at a Russian culture street fair looking for a gift for Adelai Niska and his wife
Raleigh "What do you get the man who kills everything?"
Michael's character Cid finally won a game of pool with a great roll, everyone cheered.
Emily "What kind of Russian games can we play?"
Raleigh "Roulette?…oh, wait"
The slave trader boss was named Mong
Lee "Mong the Merciless?"
Talking about Silas' chip on the shoulder and his intimidating moustache
Emily "Its a facial hair trigger"
Lee "Take the boss out"
Raleigh "And show him a good time"
Talking about hiring some of the rescued slaves as servants on the ship
Kevin "We can pay them in ship credits"
Lee <laughing> "Britannia Bucks!!"
Naomi almost shoots Silas, then has a close call with Hwang
Chmiel "I've heard of friendly fire, but that was almost too friendly"
Lee "It was almost intimate fire"

Blackjack Cache
After the crew takes turns in the boxing matches
Emily "This is shore leave, not assault leave"
Discussing the music on Paquin
Raleigh "Circus Punk"
Jim "I think a mosh pit full of clowns and bearded ladies would be scary"
Emily "I'm a lover, not a fighter. Unless I'm cornered"
Ruan is talking to Niska about help hacking the Folsom's black box
Emily "How bad do you want to know what's on the data recorder?"
Lee "Okay, I'll sleep with you"
Captain Windsor calls the crew together to make a decision about getting help from Niska
Lee "I don't want to make a decision like this in a vacuum"
Jim "'Cause that's where you'll end up"
Discussing the Bloodsworn assassin's guild
Matt "Kind of like the nazis, but we passed art school"
Raleigh "You were in that kerfuffle, what was it, the war"
Emily "Niska don't tweet"
Ruan and Ronnie are sparring for the right to ask questions
Raleigh "Neo's fighting Morpheus!!"
Kevin "I'm not sure if it was a good idea to get the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster together"
Kevin "Some psychic you are Miss Cleo!"
Matt "I always hang out with Naomi because Ruan's mind goes to mush around her"
Emily "Stupid penis!"
Michael asked Matt a question
Matt "You're going to have to hit me for the answer"
Jim "The power converter is burnt out"
Kevin "Can we go to Tosche Station to get some more?"
Cid is plotting a course to the hidden weapon caches
Lee "We need a course that's economical and shifty"
Matt "I went to McDonald's and ordered a margarita McFlurry and they wouldn't do it. Of course, I was drunk at the time."
Matt "Normally we're on our way before we realize we've screwed up"
Lee "Its a trap!"
Landing on an asteroid
Kevin "Look out for mynocks!"
Lee "Are there any damp holes in this…I didn't mean it that way"
An EMP burst fries Cid and Silas' suits
Kevin "How well do they work when they're off?"
Emily "They don't recycle your farts at all"
Raleigh starts to write a note about the physics of the situation
Matt "Get out of here with your science!"
Cid and Silas have been blown off the asteroid and Ruan can't see them in darkness of space
Emily "I'm used to space being lit by Hollywood"
Lee "I have my spanoculars"
Ronnie and Sarah are hiding out a Fei's farm with the weapon crates
Emily "He's playing Farmville: The Live Edition"
Trying to hit it off with the farmer, Matt rolls a 4 for Ronnie
Matt "So…you like wool?"
Tries again, gets a 3
Matt "So…you like sheep?"
Ronnie didn't know the crew had been in contact with Niska
Matt "When did we start working with Niska?!"

Space Train Job
Talking about the hill folk town
Emily "…and lots of chewing tobacco, there's probably a spittoon on every corner."
Jim "Nope, the town is too poor to have spittoons, they just have rocks they aim at to spit on"
Kevin "That's the name of the town; Spitrock"
Jim is describing one of the old timers in town
Kevin "He probably looks like Gabby Hayes"
Emily, confused "The lead singer of the Butt Hole Surfers?"
Kevin "No, that's Gibby Haynes"

Days Long Past
Talking about Niska knowing the ship's finances
Matt "You been shopping online again?"
Emily "He went to Target; its Sparget"
There was a discussion of boobs in zero gravity and that there was probably a bell curve of the perfect size vs gravity ratio.
Ruan doesn't want the ship to stop for U-day
Emily "I didn't fight in no war"
Matt "I had a side; money. I fought for the greencoats, I mean greenbacks"
The captain is going to relax and let it all out
Lee "The stick is right out of my ass today"
Michael is not rolling well for Cid in the bar fight
Matt "Did you remember to put on your Old Spice today?"
Lee "Does Guinness exist in the future?"
Jim (fervently, with complete conviction) "It must!"
Emily laughs, Jim doesn't drink beer.
Sarah gives Ruan a gift since he was stuck guarding the ship
Emily "What is it, a severed head?"
Talking about Ruan writing in his diary that the crew had to stop for U-day activities
Jim "Dear diary, today the rest of the crew were dicks"
Emily "No matter how pompous I was, they wouldn't listen"
Lee "I don't know how the captain stands it"
Looking for a hole in the wall bar
Emily "Its the space Pink" (The Pink is a dive bar in the Allentown district of Buffalo, NY)
Lee "The Spink"
Wondering what's in Niska's cargo canister
"Maybe its foodstuffs for orphans"
Matt "Or orphans as foodstuffs…"
Talking about Windsor's loan and wondering if it really came from Niska in the first place
Jim "I didn't get my loan from someone with the last name Hutt, did I?"
Naomi and Ruan are making out
Emily "Should I make an Agility + Gymnastics with my bonus while making out?"
Raleigh "Should I make a Dodge roll?"
Matt "Now you're thinking with plot points"
There was a discussion about how captains find cargos and list their ship's availability on the Cortex. Emily recalled that when she worked for Microsoft, they made a job finder website for the Freightliner trucking company called "Loadfinder". There was a lot of off color commentary about finding loads, dropping your load, etc…
Naomi has Things Don't Go Smooth (Major), but when ever Raleigh re-rolls, his next roll is only one point less
Emily "Its Things Go Exactly The Same"
Ruan is trying to talk to the Folsom survivor Lin Barnes, but he's drunk and leaves the restaurant
Emily "So he pulls out sloppy and Plan B fails?"
Jim had to call a stop to get his laughing under control, Plan B is a brand name for the "morning after" pill.
Ruan then Reads his mind
Raleigh "Losing my virginity made me psychic!"
Talking about contract rules for Ronnie's assassins' guild
Matt "Theft of services is a very big deal in the assassins' guild"

Jim is describing the self-contained, automatic feeder livestock containers of live chickens the ship is hauling
Lee "Sccuuuccccaaa" making it sound like SCUBA
The ship is hauling a cargo of hydrocarbons and another of live chickens
Raleigh "Wait…tar and feathers?"
Matt "Remember when you said we were all crew together?"
Lee "Vaguely"
Emily "He was drunk when he said it"
Matt "The man we're going to meet is the man who trained me"
Emily "That shouldn't be too bad" since Ruan beat Ronnie easily in sparring.
General laughter…
Raleigh "My railgun will penetrate 4 armor"
Emily "Sounds like someone holding a sign: 'Will penetrate for armor'."
During the over planning phase
Raleigh "We build a giant, wooden badger"
Lee "Safety first when performing an assassination"
Describing the butch fish doctor Ruan went to, we ended up with russian stripper jokes
Matt "You throw money at me, I take clothes off for you"
Jim was telling Emily everything Ruan learned from Reading Quintus, she was disappointed not to learn it secretly so she could repeat it more dramatically.
Matt "Dramatize me"
Jim was telling Emily Ruan would make a complete recovery from being poisoned
Lee "Except you can no longer say the letter Q"

Silverhold Shuffle
Discussing that Captain Windsor may be tracked down after posing as an Alliance officer
Lee "I'll just start wearing glasses"
Kevin "It works for Superman"
To avoid a penalty from being distracted by Naomi in a swimsuit, Emily needs to make a roll for Ruan
Emily "I can think about what it was like to get shot…Okay, hard-on is gone"
She rolls a 15 Willpower check
Emily "I've got a lot of control over my penis"
Suggesting sending the assassins to investigate
Lee "We can send Ruan and Ronnie to look for anything…slavey"
Talking about Ruan's journal
Matt "It has 'X number of days since I killed anyone' "
Emily "Actually, it does"
There was a comment that its surprising Hollywood has never tried to do a sequel to the Princess Bride about different Dread Pirate Roberts
Raleigh "It would be like a medieval version of Doctor Who"
Kevin "What weapons can we carry to this job interview?"
Raleigh "Its Business Tactical"
Suggested titles for the magazines in the waiting room
Raleigh "Drill Bores Today"
Kevin "Good Mine Keeping"
Lee "Drill Bits Monthly"
Ruan is trying to get information from the secretary
Lee "The first thing she's going to think isn't industrial espionage, but that you're trying to sleep with her"
Emily "Well, I am"
Naomi wakes up in the bath tub of a dirty hotel, all tied up
Raleigh "Can I panic?"
The captain and Cid both botched while looking for Naomi
Kevin "They ran into each other"
Jim "We ain't found shit!"
Planning the attack to rescue Naomi, Michael started considering getting grenades, which was shot down
Lee "I will buy you a drink if it turns out we needed grenades"
Kevin "Flash forward to a scene of you two tied up back to back and he's saying 'Remember I wanted grenades?' "
Kevin "I have Fighting Type, so I still have a non-combat action?"
Jim "Yes"
Kevin "Can I run to the bathroom?"
They find Naomi alive and unharmed
Emily "I'm going to run into the bathroom, all relieved"
Raleigh "Most people run out of the toilet relieved"
The ship moves to another town on Silverhold, Brayhill
Jim "This town name comes courtesy of the Donjon random generator"
Reading from Emily's game diary about Ruan and Naomi's date
Emily "Naomi cleans Ruan's pipes"
Matt "It was the best day ever"
Lee "Can we look them up in sprolodex?"
Lee "Why don't we surveil them first, it seems like killing them then surveilling them would be pointless"
"We never plan our shooting and killing, it just happens"
Talking about a scene montage as the characters get ready for the fancy party
Lee "I can't decide what cheesy 80's song is playing"
Jim "Putting on the Ritz!"
Raleigh was late and Emily sent him a text to let him know what was going on. But, instead of saying "You're on a date with the captain right now", she sent "You're on a date with right now" which sounds like a line from a cheesy motivational lecture. For the rest of the evening we made jokes about "You're on a date with Right Now"

All in the Syndicate
Talking about ship upgrades, Raleigh wants to upgrade the ship's computer
Lee "Do we need to?"
Raleigh "We took it from dog to autistic child, I'd like to raise it to normal child"
Jim brought souvenir dice from Dragoncon as gifts, Matt got a die that had a Cthulhu logo in place of the one.
Lee "On that die, Cthulhu is a great old one…"
Discussing the prices of Companions versus prostitutes, or "unlicensed hospitality experts"
Lee "Can you go to a companion school and get serviced by a student for less money like getting free haircuts from beauty school students?"
The players never care about the names of minor NPCs, they just make up nicknames. Emily named Zuo's four bodyguards as "Rooty, Tooty, Fresh and Fruity"
Naomi is thinking about some graffiti
Raleigh "I write: the three things I hate are graffiti, lists and irony"
Listening to the syndicate lieutenants discuss Tong infringement
Matt "We should record this and sell it"
Emily "And spend the money where? In heaven?"
Matt noticed Jim had drawn his initiative chart
Matt "Jim's got out the battle sheet; things are about to happen"

Jim running Captain Windsor "I don't want to take the ship to Londinium…"
Emily "Because of rats?"
Raleigh "I've got a d6 in Pilot"
Emily "The 'd' stands for die…"
Emily "When someone asks you if you're the captain, you say 'Yes'!"
The fuel pump is stuck in hard burn mode so the ship is consuming double the normal amount of fuel
Kevin "I can get a rubber mallet and hit it"
Jim had Kevin roll Strength + Mechanical Repair and he got a 19 on 2d10
Raleigh "St. Albans is the Wyoming of the 'Verse"

Kevin "I think you are making up words that confuse you, me and my mustache"
The NPC is trying to hire Silas for a job that requires a "tough touch"
Emily "Well, if you are looking for rough trade…"
Concern about Michael's die rolls as pilot
Jim "You might get a taste of the cricket ball if you crash the ship"
Silas reels in the cargo winch after the container falls off and pulls in only Ruan and Naomi
Kevin "Seems a little light"

Reaver Competition
Shopping on a high tech world, the conversation turned to pets
Kevin "Can we get a (Newtech) x2 Corgi?"
Emily was talking about the challenges of playing a horny, 20 year old male and was basing her roleplaying on what it was like to date horny 20 year old guys
Emily "Its so hard"
Jim "It is…"
Emily "D'oh!" <facepalm>
Captain Windsor seemed depressed following his trip to Londinium
Matt "We hire a prostitute, send her to the captain's quarters"
Raleigh "Her name is Saffron"
One of the passengers is overdue to reboard the ship after the lay over at Long Night and the comment was made that airlines don't wait for you
Lee "I think we'd like to set a standard higher than airlines"
Kevin "As long as my mustache is intact, I can regenerate"
Raleigh "Blue Sun is the rimmiest of the Rim Worlds"
Talking about who believes in the reavers
Emily "I saw those shows, Reaver Hunters, searching old derelict ships with their Reaver-meters"
Lee suggested people who believe in reavers would be "Bereavers"
Discussing the whiskey tasting tours
Jim "Wine tasting tours are often combined with something like chocolate. What would go well with whiskey?… Beef Jerky!!"
Comments were made that the ship's toilets were in for a lot of stress after the crew consumes whiskey and jerky…
Lee "Cthulhu Beer; a great cold one"
Discussing the missing ship, the Astrid Maru and wondering if its anything like the Kobayashi Maru
Kevin "I'm over-confident, but not that over-confident"
Explaining his attack plan and what they would do after firing the improvised railgun into the reaver ship
Raleigh "We go down there and kill all the survivors… I mean the surviving reavers"

Salvage Run
Michael is complaining in character about the Alliance officer passenger
Lee "He's here because you were so crappy getting cargo"
Ruan is being stalked by an unattractive female passenger
Emily "I have to be more careful with my flirting, I don't want to get tied down. Well, getting tied down and then untied is okay"
The captain is having a fling with an attractive woman he meets who is the adventure patron
Raleigh "The adventure hook-up"
Talking about salvaging personal items from the derelict ship
Jim "The technical term is looting"
The captain's description of Selene
Lee "Tall and extremely…trustworthy"
Someone suggested the NPC was a cheap whore and Jim grabbed a 1st edition Dungeon Masters Guide to refer to the Random Prostitute table which led to a discussion of different terms
Jim "Saucy tart? Have you got any jammy dodgers?"
A discussion of using children's board games like Candyland or Chutes and Ladders for a map
Lee "Good news, I've astrogated successfully, the bad news is we are in the gumdrop forest"
Shown a picture of the derelict passenger liner
Matt "Looks like the Enterprise after getting fat"
Matt "It's like that Sandra Bullock movie"
Jim "Gravity"
Lee "Miss Congeniality"
Emily "I thought he meant Speed"
There was repeated concern about illegal salvage and Lee kept emphasizing the Selene had a permit
Lee "She has a valid Perm! Mit!"
Matt "She has a perm from MIT?"
Lee "Zero G Hair Engineering"
Raleigh "She's a hair-chitect"
Dividing up the crew into two teams, Windsor, Selene and Naomi and:
Emily "I will go with Ronnie and Silas…"
Kevin "Because we're the only people left"
Kevin showed us the Firefly cast performs "Living on a Prayer" video
Lee "I thought the landing on the comet was impressive until I saw this"
Matt to Kevin "We have to go back to the ship. I just grab your mustache and ride you back"
Talking about how Silas fixed the ship with a hammer
Kevin "The hammer was the most appropriate tool"
Lee (quietly) "The hammer is your penis"
Emily "I'm serious, I'm actually playing the game now"
Lee "Whhaaatttt!"
Rolling initiative, we had some poor rolls
Lee "Also 3, I'm going to take a nap"
Matt "Tea time"
Raleigh "If they were reavers, they would sleep with you…"
Matt's character is knocked tumbling into space
Matt "All aboard the vomit comet"
The pirates attack the Britannia
Lee "They cut a hole in my ship…Fuck them up…"
Michael "Can I find it and hide it in my… pants?"
Lee "Because no one has ever hidden anything in their pants"
Emily "Knock on the door with bullets"
Ronnie and Ruan are stealthy super assassins, so…
Matt "Its Pirates versus Ninjas"
Ruan is Reading Selene about what's on the data disk and Jim says its just a light Reading
Jim "You're not probing her to her inner depths"
Lee "I already took care of that"
Going over the loot and salvaged weapons, deciding what to keep
Lee "I think we have shotguns, let me check with Yeoman Rand"
Lee "I think our next job should be a milk run; specifically we should carry milk"
The ship's galley was destroyed
Jim "Its TV dinners every night all the way to Boros"
Emily "Its like BBQ every night"
The crew is doing sparring in the cargo bay, swords and improvised weapons
Lee "Who got Hunger Games in the cargo bay?"
Emily "This is Sparta!"

Hack the Code
Michael "What skills are under Perception?"
Emily "Empathy, because I have it"
Lee "I do not"
Matt "We can tell"
Ruan likes doing the tourist thing, but after 12 days on Boros, he's running out of activities
Lee "'It's never boring on Boros', that's your favorite tshirt"
Kevin "But its vintage"
Talking about why Niska always seems to know what they're up to and that he is just keeping track of them because of Ruan's debt and because they do good work
Matt "Is that a list we really want to be on?"
Someone asked if marijuana is legal in the 'Verse and first I said no, because the Alliance is uptight, but then I realized that its in the Alliance's benefit for the people to be non-aggressive, so I said yes.
"So Pax Mark 1 is weed?"
"Fruity Oaty Bars are loaded with THC"
Talking about getting over the perimeter barbed wire fence
Matt "That's what carpet is for. Hey, let's ask Niska for the carpet you threw up on."
Kevin "What if it's electric?"
Matt "Then Ruan will go first"
Windsor is signing in to the visitor's log
Lee "Lieutenant Ramsbottom"
Installing the worm
Lee "Clippy pops up and says 'I see you're trying to install a virus, can I help?' "
Windsor is signing out
Lee "Lieutenant Ramsbottom"
Matt "Leftenant Ramsbottom"
Lee "Leftenant Reginald Ramsbottom…the third"
Jim "Esquire"
Emily rolls terrible and hits a car
Emily <dejected> "Why am I playing?"
Jim "For comic relief"
Kevin rolls okay to drive after Ruan's accident
Emily "That just further compound my defeat"
Lee "Worst. Driver. Ever."
Kevin "I like that I botched once and I'm still the better driver"

Assassin Strike
We were having chips and cheese dip and Emily kept breaking off chips in the dip
Jim "You botched eating chips"
Talking about their pay from the last job for Niska
Kevin "Niska's money is soaked in the tears of orphans"
Lee "Sweet, delicious orphans"
Jim "What is this, Serenity against Humanity?"
Talking about Michael missed the game because his wife was in labor for their first child, Solomon Thomas
Matt "Cid's having a baby"
Lee "Cid's got a baby in every port"
Reading the description of Santo
Emily "Oh my God, its Niagara Falls
Jim "Make some rolls"
Matt "Dinner, cinnamon, lobster…"
They are hauling a cargo of frozen fish
Raleigh "Cold fish, just like the captain's last relationship"
Lee "You can pout in your cabin"
Emily "I'm cleaning my guns messily"
Raleigh "With chocolate?"
He thought she said "Nestle"
Assassins attack the ship while Ronnie is practicing swordplay in the cargo bay
Lee "Come up with no shirt on, you can blind them with your sexiness"
Naomi is checking the ship status boards to see which airlock the attackers are entering
Jim "The hatches show closed"
Lee "They're not ghosts, they wouldn't make noise"
Jim "Maybe they're clanking their chains"
Lee "Like the Ghost of Christmas Past, this is our Christmas episode!"
Jim "Two assassins walk into a bar…"
Matt "Everyone dies"
The captain is trying to get Naomi to talk to Ruan to cheer him up, but Naomi is still ticked at the captain over the reaver incident
Emily "This is like Fatherhood, the Role Playing Game"
After the bit with the heroin
Jim "Silas and Naomi return with their score of spare parts"
Emily "Score"
Jim "Poor word choice"
Matt "They're not psychopaths, they're assassins. One's a mental illness, the other's a job"
Ruan is scornful of the retired assassins
Emily "They're all kind of old and slow and don't use guns"
Emily "I'm going to show them the position I'd like them to be in"
Lee "That's what she said"
Kevin "What they've done is bake their swords into french bread"

Drone Run
Talking about Matt's new character, Lawrence Felman Junior
Lee "Worst. Anarchist. Ever"
Discussing Captain Windsor's remorse over his long lost fiancee.
Lee "I'm better now, I got some closure. And I got laid"
Interviewing the new deckhand
Lee "He came with the highest recommendations"
Jim "Meaning we were high when we wrote them"
Kevin "Political Science has science right in the name"
Raleigh "So does Scientology"
Emily's cats are going through a topical parasite treatment with a sulfur component
Emily "My hands smell like I've been packing snowballs in Hell"
Ruan Reads Junior and rolls a 20
Emily "That was a critical hit"
Lee "To his mind…"
Matt's character is a chemist, discussing making meth
Matt "You're English; you don't need your teeth"
Ruan Reads Junior's hatred of the Alliance and history of vandalism and explosive arson
Emily "Captain, he'll fit right in"
Lee "Thank you for your highly mysterious opinion"
The ship had a cargo of meat and were discussing just leaving it open to space to stay cold
Jim "We started with raw meat and delivered jerky. Space jerky or sperky"
After being banned from the surface, Ruan wrote a haiku on the white board
Emily "Shore leave cancelled
Da shiong la se ch'wohn tian*
I'll be in my bunk"
*-explosive diarrhea of an elephant

Making dodge rolls after the accident
Matt "I already dodged, I avoided all the work"
After the grav boot exploded
Raleigh "Everything is fine, just make your way to the shuttles"
Lee "Pilot like the wind"
Michael rolls an 8
Emily "More like a breeze"
Talking about a new local craft distilled spirit, which is basically rum, but legally can't be called rum, and comparing it to Silas' homebrew
Raleigh "Its spacecraft distilled spirits"
Partway through, Kevin used the Cortex App for the new Firefly Online game and we decided to use that description for Pelorum, rather than the one I made up. So now they were on a resort world instead of a poor farming world.
Talking about if the crew wanted to go to the beach or go fishing
Lee "If I have to decide between boobies and fishes, I choose boobies"
The antagonist is named Thaddeus York
Lee "York of the Peppermint Patty Yorks?"
Raleigh got a superchip for guessing the painting was a "velvet Elvis"
Mata is picking a local client with a prickly sense of honor for her alibi
Lee "I'm prickly"
Matt "He doesn't shave down there at all"
Discussing the infiltration of York's mansion
Emily "Do you think an alarm would sound if a ship landed on the fence?"
Lee "I guarantee I will <land on the fence>"
Jim "It's part of his idiom"
Looking for satellite images, we decided to check "GoogleVerse"
Ruan is going to use his ESP to tell if they wake anyone up during the theft
Lee "Oh, you're going to use your magic powers"
Matt "Thursday theft day"
Gathering breaking and entering gear, Junior has a can of laser detection spray mist
"It sprays a fine mist of lasers"
Sneaking around in the house
Raleigh "Ooh. Ooh, I have an idea…"
Emily "NO."
Emily "What else is in the room?"
Kevin "Bars of gold, but you don't care"
Lee "Its Nazi gold"
Matt wants to prank the owner
Matt "Why is the security guard taking a dump in the pool?"

Fury Delivery
Junior is going to share a bunk with Ruan
Emily "Ruan's a pretty good room mate, except he wakes up a lot at night"
Lee "Screaming and shooting"
Matt's new character Junior finds out they do jobs for Niska and is a little concerned
Lee "You know your bunk mate? That's our Niska connection. So think about that the next time you're falling asleep"
Jim "Load cargo casually"
Ruan is facing Crow
Raleigh "Don't taunt the dynamite belt"
Emily "I don't want to get back at him, I just want to kill him"
Kevin is questioning the relatively low pay from Niska
Lee "You want to negotiate with Niska, go ahead"
Discussing Junior's hatred of the Alliance for all of its rules and oppression and Naomi supports it for cool technology and medicine
Raleigh "What, I stop at a traffic light and I'm a slave?"
Matt "For 12 years"
Something bad happens to the ship
Raleigh "Asteroids fall, everybody dies"
Kevin "Is there a slot in the engine to put money into?"
Lee "Grind it into a paste"
Emily "Shut up and take my money!"
The accident occurs after 9pm ship time
Lee "So its dark outside…"
Emily offers to have Ruan go out on the hull because he loves using his suit and flight pack
Kevin "You may have to walk home and get help"
Kevin "The engine can't melt down, because there's no down <in space>"
Jim "So it will just melt out"
Naomi and Junior are away on the shuttle when the ship is boarded by the patrol
Matt "We're gonna live!"
Ruan calls Niska on his pocket cortex communicator and didn't realize it was a video link
Jim "It's Facetime"
Lee "Spacetime"
Raleigh "The name of this adventure should be Niska's rollercoaster"
They have a hard time landing, there's a partial drive failure and Jim gave Michael a three step penalty for his piloting roll
Jim "Its a good thing you've barely got any cargo, if you had a full cargo bay, it would have been a five step penalty"
Raleigh "The cargo would have ripped its way out of the cargo bay"
Lee "And…delivered"
Jim "What are you guys? Fed-Ex?"
Raleigh "Bad men are paid considerably less because their union is crap"
Lee's captain voice is getting a little goofy as the game passes midnight
Emily "You sound like a cross between Russell Brand and Captain Jack Sparrow"

Bellerophon Bounty
Lee bought the Leadership Asset for Captain Windsor, but he was a little backwards…
Lee "I'm going to help them so I can give them a 2 step penalty with my asset"
Talking about the contact poison will linger on your hand
Matt "Don't touch your junk"
The local paramedics use air-car ambulances, but all the characters have specialty in wheeled ground vehicles
Kevin "Can I bolt wheels on it?"
Naomi takes the antidote
Jim "Roll a percentile"
Raleigh gets 05%
Jim "Whoaaa. I gave a 1% chance you could be allergic to the antidote…"
The team knocks out the ambulance crew to steal their vehicle
Lee "I used to be an ambulance driver until I took a stun baton to the head"
Naomi is pretending to be Captain Windsor's date, walking in on his arm
Emily "Roll to sashay"

Old Parts
Talking about past problems with carrying passengers
Lee "50% of our passengers are hijackers"
Jim "I feel that's exaggerated; maybe 40%"
Raleigh "And 20% have been highly trustworthy"
Emily is reading the Cortex Online app's description of Persephone
Emily " '…a hotbed of criminal enterprise.' "
Kevin "It's a 'wretched hive of scum and villainy' "
The ship is stopped by a patrol responding to a report of an illegal salvage team using a Firefly
Lee "None of the people we're pretending to be are wanted"
Matt referred to Captain Windsor as "Captain Tightpants"
Lee "My pants are comfortably fitted"
We went to a new poutine place that opened up down the street for dinner and we lost track of Lee on the way out
Jim "They took him in back and killed him to make poutine, its genuine Canadian ingredients"
Matt "Poutine is people!!"
After Junior uses an improvised fuel air bomb to clear the debris and he and Naomi don gas masks to explore the bunkers
Kevin "By the time we see them again they'll be zombies"
Enily rolls fantastically to drive the heavy truck
Emily "I drift into my <parking> space"
Wind kicks up dirt and debris
Raleigh "Its a dirticane"
Talking about searching for booby traps
Raleigh "He <Junior> can find chemical traps"
Jim "What, like those no-fly strips?"
Planning to attack the enemy base
Emily "We need to maximize our surprise element by not doing anything dumb"
Raleigh "Well, we're screwed"
Lee asked Matt if his character had stockpiled any explosives
Matt "You told me not to make explosives on the ship"
Lee "And you listened to me?"
Matt Yes!!"
Discussing marching order as they sneak into the enemy base
Jim "What's your marching order?" <pause> "That's something I never say in this game"
Kevin "Put the wizard in the middle"
Emily "If we get to our ship, we'll be at it"
Kevin "So you say you detect some lifeforms with your Yoda skills?"
Lee "There is a flaw in our plan"
Emily "What?"
Lee "We'll find out"

Locke & Load
Getting caught up on paperwork, Jim tells them they have earned two paydays since the last one
Lee "I didn't authorize that"
Raleigh "What, the passage of time?"
Lee "I always have lee-way"
Raleigh "Except at home"
Lee "That's true"
The crew is partying on Gonghe
Matt "I'm going to get the captain drunk"
Lee "That's not very hard"
Emily's character Ruan is taking Naomi on a romantic date to seduce her
Michael "Do it in the engine room, engines make her hot"
Emily "I don't think engines would do it (Naomi is interested in all kinds of high tech), I think I would have to take her to a server room"
Talking about some of the crew is looking for prostitutes and some are looking for underground fighting rings
Raleigh "Maybe you can find an underground prostitute fighting ring"
Discussing why they work for Niska
Raleigh "We accept money from Niska in return for not making him angry"
Junior has bought a dog without asking and Emily says Ruan doesn't want to share bunks with Junior AND the dog. Since Ruan and Naomi have a thing going on, Emily suggests someone could share Naomi's bunk
Raleigh "I will totally take the dog"
Talking about assaulting the tong safehouse to rescue Ruan
Kevin "Did we ever think about walking up and asking nicely?"
Junior uses his Friends in Low Places asset to find a Syndicate doctor for Silas. The bill is moderately high
Raleigh "This is the price of not going to jail"
Lee "I'm going to give him a good review on Spelp"
Discussing Ruan's history and being trained as a teenager psychic assassin
Lee "This one time, at assassin camp…"

Prisoner Passage
Kevin is wearing a bright yellow Hawaiian shirt and looks like Wash
Jim "I promise not to kill your character with a giant spike through the chest"
Matt "I don't use deodorant"
Jim "Your new seat is in the next room"
Matt "I don't sweat"
Raleigh "Do you pant?"
Discussing concerns that Locke will return to attack them
Lee "Are we using any anti-Locke measures?"
The captain is out on a date
Raleigh "The captain is learning to trust"
They can't get a hold of Naomi and and Ruan who are out skinny dipping at the beach at night
Lee "They're the two people most likely to be kidnapped"
After being confronted about stealing Junior's dog, Emily gets tongue tied
Emily "We shouldn't keep pets and call them dogs"
Talking about how ugly the bounty hunter is
Raleigh "She has what we call city miles…"
Matt "Space Termites"
Jim "Spermites… That's a bad word…"
Jim "You send Silas to get more coolant"
Lee "Is that what we're calling beer now?"
Raleigh "Law is not science"
Lee "You got to kill someone with two machetes and pump coolant. How cool is that? <pause as Lee considers his dumb pun> I totally didn't mean that"
Junior doesn't do a very good job cleaning up the blood
Lee "What kind of anarchist doesn't know how to clean up blood?"
Matt "The kind that uses explosives"

The Alliance Lieutenant's Connection
Overplanning to get Villard into the spaceport
Kevin "How about a catapult?"
Raleigh "We could build a giant wooden badger"
Talking about how Ruan is well liked by the crew
Raleigh "That's why Ruan's eventual treachery is going to be that much more of a surprise"
After the usual evening of sexual innuendo and dirty jokes, Lee is talking to Emily about Ruan interrogating Villard
Lee "Pump him dry"
Jim "…Poor word choice…"

Gun Runners
The crew is talking about upgrading the ship, maybe cleaning up her hull so she looks better
Raleigh "That's polishing a turd"
Discussing the characters' backgrounds and who had Christmas growing up
Kevin "I think we would have Christmas on Higgins' Moon, it was a shitty, dirty, muddy Christmas"
They decided the Mudders had "mud trees"
Kevin "We don't have Boxing Day on Higgins' Moon; we didn't have boxes"
Emily "We have Hosing Day, to hose off the mud"
Kevin rolled for a batch of rum and got a 9, but he aged it so I said that gets a step bonus to 11
Emily "Your rum goes to 11"
Discussing Naomi can probably apply for her next qualification on her pilot's license, since she has been working as bridge crew with a registered, trustworthy crew
Kevin "So what crew have you been working with?"
Discussing buying bagpipes
Raleigh "What's the difference between D2 skill in bagpipes and D10?"
Lee "None"
Discussing if the ship landed on anyone at the town
Emily "Its like The Wizard of Oz"
Matt, in a squeaky voice "You dropped a spaceship on my sister!"
The village invites the crew to a pig roast
Raleigh "Is that when you get a retiring police officer and make fun of him?"
Talking about how good the food was
Lee "Dine on the swine, stick a fork in the pork, dig the pig"
Looking for attractive village girls
Michael "I want a cute one in a jumper"
Lee "You mean overalls? What are you looking for,
Discussing which shuttle to take
Jim "You're just going to land on a fence"
Matt "The captain has a very specific fetish"

Moving Day/Forced Entry
Before the game, discussing the ARK: Survival Evolved video game
Matt "Our biggest problem is the Spinosaurus; they live down the street"
The new kitten is running around getting into things
Allison "If he's in my purse when I leave, its not my fault"
Discussing how Emily's assassin character looks at problems as something to be solved with his gun
Raleigh "When you're a hammer, all the world looks like a nail. That needs to be double-tapped"
Emily "In the head"
Raleigh "Panic is my muse"
Matt "I could shave Silas' moustache <in his sleep>"
Jim "And your next character will be?"
Discussing the settler families aboard ship and concerns of food supplies
Emily "Its not the Donner party"
Cid is deafened temporarily and Emily rolls a 22 on First Aid
Michael "I can hear other people's thoughts!"
Discussing the low stats of the settlers' ship, a Jo Lynn class, Michael asks how the autopilot is
Jim "It has a d4 Intelligence, so it sucks"
Matt "Its the Jayne of autopilots"
Ruan was crying in his space suit and the tears were drifting in zero G
Jim "Your helmet is a tear snow globe"
Emily rolls a 7 for First Aid
Emily "I didn't kill anyone, but I didn't not kill anyone. Schrodinger's Patient"
Talking about working on new ships
Allison "I miss that new ship smell"
Jim "Old ships smell too"
Cid is thinking about looking for some action with the settler women
Michael "Are any of them trustworthy?"
Emily "Touch worthy?"
Discussing educating a client about rabbit sex and that they will mate with siblings
Emily "They're like the Lannisters, haven't you seen Game of Thrones?"
Naomi is defending the high port fees at Newhall
Raleigh "Don't you know where your tax dollars go?"
Michael "Secret assassin schools"
Matt, pointing at Emily "That steal children"
Originally Allison's character was really impressed by Naomi and Allison was thinking about taking the Hero Worship complication and following Naomi around.
Allison "I wanted to rip her skin off and wear it"
Jim "You don't say that in Blue Sun…"
Cid inspected the ship's two small life boats, gave one a 7 and the other a 9 out of 10. Then Junior used one for his affair.
Allison "That's why that lifeboat got a 7"
Looking for cargo on New Canaan, which is known for its bourbon
Matt "Could the cargo be bourbon and the ship be my belly?"
Rolling initiative
Matt "Chmiel" He rolled a nine, Mike rolled a lot of nines and yelled "Nine!" in a bad German accent when he did.
Michael "Chmiel plus one" He got a ten
Emily "Eleven"
Jim "So Chmiel plus two"
Allison "Eighteen"
Raleigh "Chmiel times two"
Allison has been playing her mechanic as young and relatively inexperienced, someone who is constantly excited by new experiences and taking selfies.
Allison "I've never done this before!" repeatedly.
When the war robot attacks
Allison "My first assassin robot!"
Cid is stabbed twice and Lothel tries to repair his suit
Jim "My first suit patch!"
Raleigh "My first casualty!"

Liner Larceny
Talking about Kimi would be guest playing a Companion, someone said "space hooker"
Jim "Spooker"
Lee "Sprostitute"
Matt "Sparlot?"
Ruan wants to take everyone out to celebrate
Emily "I pick a nice restaurant"
Lee "Taco Bell"
Discussing the arrangements for travelling Companions to berth their personal shuttles on the cruise ship in bays reserved for Companion shuttles
Kimi "There are slots for Companions…" <facepalm> "I can't believe I just said slots"
Lee suggests using the Reavers to attack the ship as a distraction
Lee "I have Plan C"
Matt "C is for cannibalism"
Discussing smuggling someone aboard in the Companion's shuttle and they would have to hide in there for the whole trip
Michael "I volunteer for tribute!!"
Planning to smuggle someone inside the vault in a box so they can get out, rob the vault and get back in the box
Kevin "We can build a large, wooden badger"
There was a HUGE off color discussion about what valuable items Kimi's Companion would need to put in the vault and go back and forth for. Eventually it was decided on gem and precious metal inlaid sex toys. So there was a big discussion of diamond studded dildos or even dildos made from giant, synthetic diamonds. Which led to a discussion of the most expensive sex toys ever made in reality. Also, the vaults are referred to as "lady holes" from an old British naval term for a small storage compartment. So we're putting the dildos in the lady hole…
Emily "If only we had a podcast; this would be our most family friendly episode ever…"
Discussing gambling
Emily "Games of chance or games of cheating"
Naomi hacks into the ship's status and repair system
Kevin "Can you shut down all the garbage compactors?"
Discussing space venereal disease
Kimi "Spyhilis?"
Lee "Use a spondom"
Matt "Or a sprubber"
Which lead to a discussion of the difference between rubbers and galoshes.
The box is empty…
Kevin "We should have just asked the opera singer"
Kimi "You rolled too low, you have to be looking at my boobs"
Emily "That was going on anyway"
Matt " 'My eyes are up here' 'Too late, my decision has been made' "
Ruan reports to the crew that the jewels were not in the box
Raleigh "What do you mean it was empty?"
Kevin "People keep asking that"
Matt "Should we start a leaflet campaign?"
Jim "I don't think its that serious"
Matt "Then I will start carving a canoe"
Planning the poisoning
Raleigh "Does the ship serve fish?"
Jim "We are not serving salmon mousse"
Silas is drinking in the bar
Kevin "I'm creating billable hours"
The "pirates" meet with the empty handed team leader
Jim "You hear a couple of shots"
Kevin "What, like whiskey shots?"
Everyone, chanting "Shots, shots, shots, shots"
Emily "I believe the best paid person was me"
Kimi "You guys delivered, in more ways than one"

On leave on Boros
Emily "We overplanned our leave, what's next?"
Ruan is buying Naomi nice clothes on Sihnon, but won't buy something for Cid
Michael "Why Naomi and not anybody else?"
Raleigh "Boobs"
Raleigh raised Naomi's Agility stat
Raleigh "I put the slink into slinky"
Silas goes drinking on Sihnon
Kevin "I find an upscale dive bar"
Emily "The glasses are clean"
Jim "And they match"
Emily "No, that's too much"
Jim "You're in a cheap motel"
Kevin "Motel 3"
Jim "We'll leave the door open for you"
Drinking Mudders' Milk
Kevin "Keep your teeth together so the chunks don't go down"
Emily "Its the opposite of vomiting"
Kevin "Its how we filter beer on Higgins' Moon. And water"
Raleigh "We're not just doing this for the mud, we're doing it for a shitload of mud"
Discussing rough flying with loaded cargo
Kevin "We're not going to hurt the mud"
Talking about International Tiki Day
Emily "It has a Facebook page"
Jim "So you know its legit"
The players are rolling Astrogation skill checks to throw off the patrol ship's pursuit, Jim is rolling for the patrol crew to follow them
Raleigh "Math off"
The patrol ship stays with them, Jim tells them to roll again
Raleigh "I am turning up the math"
In preparation for crazy flying, Cid zips up his blackjack flight jacket. Then after they escape:
Michael "I'm going to relax and unzip"
Emily "Your pants?"
Discussing the patrol ship encounter
Jim "It wasn't a shoot out, it was a shot at"
We had a lot of trouble with the music from Pandora, just wasn't appropriate
Raleigh "Play the ore shipping song"

Pirate Booty
Discussing Lays potato chips new Gyro flavored chips.
Emily "It tastes like you ate a gyro, then vomited"
Lee "Subtle hint of gyro with a touch of bile. I have vomited after eating a gyro and I have to tell you this is a poor approximation"
Talking about Silas wanting to kill Magistrate Higgins, but can't yet because of the continuity issues
Raleigh "He's protected by plot powered armor"
Meeting pirate captain Meyers
Lee "He wants a new Dread Pirate Meyer?
Discussing Meyer's traitorous crew
Michael "They have a thief, an anti-paladin…
Lee "As long as they don't have a bard"
Disguising the ship
Lee "Strapping corpses to your ship is bad luck"
Emily "Are we doing that?"
Raleigh "Let me skip down to Corpsemart and get some from the bulk bin"
Meyer's ship is the Blood Comet
Emily "Sounds like really bad diarrhea"
Meyer wants to appraise the crew's appearance and asks them to get dressed for a night in a bad part of town
Lee "Dress like its Tuesday"
Michael wanted a gun that shoots knives
Emily "A knun?"
Raleigh "A knifle"
Lee "Ruan dropped the P word"
Michael "Can I take Talented: Swords?"
Jim "Sure, you've lost enough fights to learn something"
Lee "Is the space bank called the spank?"
Raleigh "I'm not saying its pirates, but… pirates…"
Discussing the layout of the pirate base
Lee "Where's the thermal exhaust port?"
Emily "Directly below the main port"
About Meyer
Emily "I don't like being around him"
Kevin "Because he's just as murdery as you?"
Lee "Burn!"
Emily is asking if there are any souvenirs
"I went to the pirate planet and all I got…"
In the pirate bar
Emily "Do they have any local specials?"
Raleigh "Rum with a roofie in it"
Talking about selling fresh produce on the pirate port
Jim "Stops space scurvy"
Lee "Spurvy"
Emily is rolling to see if Ruan notices something
Emily "Perceive hard"
She rolls poorly
Jim "Hard-ly"
Windsor gets the ship working
Kevin "You had to pull out the choke"
Naomi fires into the enemy while Silas is in melee. Raleigh rolls high and Jim forces him to re-roll with Things Don't Go Smooth. Raleigh rolls even higher
Emily "Things Go Extraordinarily Better"
Talking about Raleigh had bought off Naomi's Glory Hound complication
Raleigh "I still do crazy shit, now I don't do it just for the hell of it"
Emily "I miss that"
Kevin and Emily's kitten Stormageddon came to play
Kevin "What are you thinking about kitten?"
Lee "Murder…"
After Cid's death
Michael "I want to be buried in the ship"
Lee "Okay, we'll put you behind a wall panel"
Jim "What, cremated? We could put your urn on the shelf with all the snow globes"
Emily "We could use him to fertilize the garden"
Lee "Soylent Green is Cid!"
Michael "I'm going to come back like Groot!"
Lee "These strawberries taste like Old Spice"

Locke Out
Discussing DragonCon
Emily "We drank, we wore costumes, it was a successful DragonCon"
Snacking before the game
Emily "Coffee and Fritos are bad"
Emily hates rolling d4s, so she found a d8 that's 1-4 twice and a d12 that is Roman numerals 1-4 three times
Emily "This die goes to IV"
Discussing bad character complications
Raleigh "Crohn's Disease"
Lee "Irritable Bowel Syndrome"
Discussing if Cid's body needed to be embalmed before the trip home
Emily "Don't we have some kind of Future Space Magic bag?"
Lee "We have space…"
Cid's last thoughts
Lee "Clear my browser history"
Michael's new character is meeting the crew and the ship's dachshund, Emily rolls that the dog does not like him
Raleigh "He does not please the wiener"
Looking for cargo, mentioning bobble headed geisha dolls and black market beagles
Jim "Black market bobble headed beagle dolls?"
Emily discussing Ruan leaving the crew
Raleigh "We'll have a psychic assassin gap"
Emily "That's not something you can interview for"
Emily decided to roll for Ruan to be mopey and Jim pointed out his Sweet and Cheerful Asset would be a penalty to mope. Emily botched with two 1's.
Captain Windsor's eulogy
Lee "Nobody could use the three switches like Cid"
Ronnie is a retired assassin, Ruan is a psychic assassin and Campbell is also a retired assassin
Lee "How many assassins are at this wake?!"
Lee "Cids's ghost is going to show up and say 'Go to the Dagobah system'"
Talking about Feds
Jim "Damn Purple Bellies"
Lee "That's what Cid would have said"
Finding the bomb on the ship
Kevin "Do we have a bomb removing robot?"
Raleigh "We have a <robot> parrot"
Emily "You can clearly not choose the bomb in front of you"
The bomb is made with an Alliance issue grenade
Matt "Alliance! I'm prejudiced against the grenade"
Raleigh "Does whoever set us up the bomb know Tai is onboard?"
Raleigh "For just a dollar a day, you can adopt a Mudder child"
Captain Windsor is flying the shuttle in to pick up Ruan and Junior
Lee "I don't have time to land on a fence"
Discussing Ruan's Reader ability
Michael "So when you say read, you mean…
Matt "Books"
Lee "Books"
Michael "You can read minds?"
Lee "Read mimes. Ruan is very good at understanding mimes"
Ruan is trying to convince the rest of the crew that Locke is also a victim
Emily "He's just like me"
Raleigh "I would not kiss Locke"

Lost Family
Jim made some bacon ranch & cheese dip and we were trying to scoop it with Munchos chips which are thin and break easily
Emily <Most Interesting Man in the World voice> "Dip cautiously my friends"
Naomi is still working on her pilot's license and has her learner's permit
Lee "You can only fly in space during the day"
Making an explosive ankle bracelet for Locke, and was it fashionable. Emily suggested Inmate Casual or House Arrest Casual for styles.
Cleaning up the broken snow globes
Emily "I use the space shop vac; the spop vac"
Jim "The vacuum vacuum?"
Emily "The ship has the best central vacuum setup"
Lee "The airlock. Once a week, we just open the airlocks and clean the ship out"
Ruan is talking about leaving
Lee "How am I supposed to do jobs without a psychic assassin?"
Raleigh "About this time, I realized we had a Locke Ness monster aboard"
Jim "<groans> That's terrible. And I'm writing it down…"
How is Ruan going to stay in touch with Locke?
Lee "Space Twitter, Spitter"
Emily "I friend him on Spacebook"
Raleigh "Niska Pokes you"
Looking for cargo or passengers on Paquin and someone suggested hauling a circus troupe
Jim "You've only got room for 4 passengers"
Kevin "Well, I've seen how many people they can fit in a car…"
The ship is hauling grain
Jim "Quadrotriticale"
Emily "Aren't we gluten free?"
Discussing choices for food to order
Lee "I'm easy"
Jim "That's a different conversation"
Emily "He's trustworthy"
Working a missing persons case
Emily "For a man named Locke?"
Lee "Ronnie?"
Kevin "Hugh Ass?"
Discussing their reputation, some of the tags suggested were "Prostitute Friendly" and "Trigger Happy" which suggested names for the shuttles
Emily "Shuttle 1 is Trustworthy and Shuttle 2 is Trigger Happy"
Lee "I thought Shuttle 1 was Prostitute Friendly"
Carrying a cargo of 500 tons of tools
Kevin "So a bunch of douchebags"
Rachel meets the crew after a night of drinking
Lee " 'Your ship smells like a distillery' 'Yes, that's the distillery you smell; its on deck 2' "
Kevin "We have 2 decks?"
Everybody laughs
Rachel is going to brief the crew
Lee "Can I debrief her instead?"
Emily rolls a 26 on 2d12 + 1d4 to Read her
Lee "Maximum damage, you killed her"
Discussing gangs on Paquin, one of them is the Chupacabras
Jim "They don't put a horse head in your bed, they use an exsanguinated goat"
Lots of people flashing vampire teeth gang signs
The family's farm is empty, only two dead livestock in the corral remain
Lee "Were they killed? Like murdered?"
Everyone laughs
Kevin "How are their crops?"
Emily "Were they murdered?"
Harrow's Canyon is a real dump
Lee "This is a crappy town"
Jim "Worst. Town. Ever."
Talking to the neighboring Dixon and O'Connor family farms to see if they know anything
Raleigh "What happened to the Gau farm? Dixon Farms remembers"
Lee rolls a 4 to intimidate the bandits when the Britannia swoops in
Michael "You sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown"

It was Halloween, so we dressed up.
Lee "I wore my management goon costume yesterday, it was chafing"
Lee "We had the after adventure success party, and no one ended up with a wife"
Jim "That you know of"
Michael "Quick, check the cargo bay!"
Michael dressed as his dead character Cid with lots of fake blood wounds. He got makeup on his phone
Jim "Did you get blood on your phone?"
Lee "First world problems"
Kevin rolls poorly for Maintenance, Jim rolls well for Lothel
Lee "She tells you 'righty-tighty' "
Discussing Naomi piloting to land the ship with a load of explosives on Persephone and maybe they could drop some on Badger
Emily "We could dress Badger as a fence"
Lee "Then the captain would have to land"
Jim "You are landing in the hazardous materials handling section of the port"
Lee "Explosives and meat handling"
Emily "Maybe they will load it on the pork truck"
Michael to Emily "I'm going to come up to you, thinking about thinking"
Everyone laughs, Emily is face down on the table
Lee "He's going to Inception you"
Lee "There's no abuse of power on this ship, its a dictator-ship"
Calculating the intercept course
Kevin "It's more complicated because we have to use Common Core"
Discussing Ruan shooting the snow globes and having to clean up
Lee "There's glitter everywhere, its like a strip club"
Emily "It's festive"
Lee "But its not March"
Jim "There's no stripper season"
Lee "Duck season. Stripper season. Duck season"
Coming up on the rogue ship
Lee "The left turn signal has been on for days"
Lothel has her own custom suit
Allison "My mom put my name in it with a tag"
Kevin "You can't knit a space suit!"
Allison "I have seasonal suits, like an ugly Christmas one"

Discussing Emily's idea of Locke and Saffron teaming up
Matt <Saffron> "I can't con you because you can read my mind" <Locke> "I can't con you because you…"
Michael "…have a vagina"
Comparing Branca Menta to Fernet Branca
Emily "Its like being punched in the mouth with a mint"
Raleigh "Liquid Altoids"
Discussing concealing explosives
Matt "You can fit a lot of C4 in a wiener dog"
No one wants to hurt the ship's pet dog, so make a robot
Raleigh "A wiener drone?"
Michael's character buys Captain Windsor some of the 'verse's most expensive tea as an apology
Emily "Its like the saffron of tea"
Raleigh "What, it infiltrates your ship and hijacks it?"
Lothel gives Ruan a fancy high tech snow globe she bought on Ariel
Jim "Its a Newtech x4 snow globe"
Matt "I've seen movies"
Jim "But not many"
The appetizers at the bar were great
Michael "You have to go, you have to go to flavortown"
Discussing that they messed up killing the organlegger
Michael "Ruan, read your mind and figure out what happened"
Talking about going back to the scene of the shooting
Matt "Isn't going back to the scene of the crime what criminals do?"
Emily slips up and mentions "the body"
Matt "You killed someone! Who needs to be psychic?"
Ruan asks Junior for some flesh dissolving acid, he is still buzzed
Matt "Stand back, I'm drunk scienceing"
Everyone is tired
Allison "I'll be in my bunk"
Emily thought the mules kept their own organs, and they had two livers, hearts, etc, etc.
Allison "You would have a huge abdomen"
Matt "Naomi is a Time Lord"
Raleigh "We killed the best evidence we had"
Jim "Oops"
Discussing attacking the organlegger's clinic, maybe with the ship's railgun
Kevin "Who doesn't deserve to be blown up…wait, what are talking about?"

Fall of the House of Higgins
Emily "Does anyone have dip for chips?"
Jim "Snackfoods of Catan"
Discussing the size of the organleggers' crime group
Raleigh "Its a boutique crime syndicate"
Emily "I killed a man in an alley"
Kevin "Just to watch him die"
Lee "Weekly space news about reavers and bat boy"
Matt "Reaver crop circles"
Planning to return to deal with the organleggers
Matt "Shall we start a leaflet campaign against the clinic?"
Lee rolls very well for a landing
Lee "Best non-fence landing ever"
Lee rolls a good cargo, but Jim takes it back because he realized it would interfere with the storyline
Allison "It's the Emperor's New Cargo"
They get a job to pick up cargo from the Wilson Starfreight shipping company
Lee "Is that his name? Wilson Starfreight?"
Emily "That's an excellent Star Wars name"
The players are really playing up that Jim laid out part of the plot for the game ahead of time, so they could choose which adventure to play
Jim "Next time I am just going to railroad you traditionally"
Raleigh "You never go full Serenity"
Matt "That's how you get just one season and a movie"
Raleigh rolls a 5 to dock
Raleigh "That's a stupid place to put a port"
Silas approaches his family
Raleigh "Word to your mudder"
Lee "Better than mudder inlaw"
Lee "Just a mudder brick in the wall"
Discussing if they can bring the future inlaws along too and do they count as family
Matt "All mudders are brudders"
The missiles they bought won't fit in the shuttle's launch tubes
Emily "Can we sell them to someone who likes big missiles and cannot lie?"
Where to hide the missiles
Lee "We're smugglers; we've got big slots" <facepalm>
Matt "Even we get boarded sometimes. You tell Jabba…"
Emily "Are you quoting Star Wars?"
Matt "Yes, I finally watched it"
Emily ' 'You're taking your first steps into a larger world' "
Silas shoots Higgins, he grabs his side where the dart hit, then groans and falls down with an aaarrggghhh
Emily "Hopefully he wasn't dictating a letter"
Raleigh wants to fire missiles at the reaver, but Naomi doesn't have gunnery skill, so she calculates a flight path to launch the missile along
Raleigh "Math always wins"

Good Help
Chmiel was supposed to play, but couldn't make it. On the first die roll of the night, Michael got a "9"
Lee chooses his dice by color to represent his character's mood. Choosing dice to roll for astrogation:
Lee "Am I angry about anything?"
Emily "Don't astrogate angry"
The crew is moving Silas' family to their new settlement
Jim "We get to have a barn raising in space"
Michael asked if the prefab shelters were made by Ikea and then we had jokes about "flat pack houses" and how many kinds of allen wrenches there were
A discussion that the crew doesn't take passengers because they tend to be hijackers
Kevin "As long as they pay us up front, I don't mind shooting them"
The job to find the missing yacht crew members is pitched to the crew
Lee "You had me at space yacht"
Emily is trying to decide which pistol to carry from Ruan's many choices
Emily "People keep giving me guns"
Lee "If by giving, you mean taking them after you kill them"
Looking for cargo on the skyplex
Lee "Amazingly enough, we get a cargo of yacht parts"
Kevin "Dubious yacht parts"
Discussing that Ruan rarely drinks and has never been drunk
Lee "Great. Drunken psychic assassin"
Jim, with drunken solemnity "I. Can. Mead. Your. Rind"
Emily just did a 14 hour overnight shift which started slow, so all her techs asked to go home early. Then they got slammed…
Jim "When last we left our crew…"
Lee "The captain had sent everyone home early"
Asked for names of casinos and bars, Jim said "Gimme Chocolate", with waitresses dressed as Asian schoolgirls as a reference to the band Babymetal. Lee said that wasn't Windsor's thing and Jim remembered Windsor's last fling was a tall blonde so he provided "Odin's Table", where the waitresses are tall, busty blondes dressed as valkyries. The Londinium tourist bar was "First Light" from Emily's Londinium national anthem.
Ruan is trying to find a secret assassin's bar, like in John Wick
Chmiel "Are you wandering around alleys saying 'I'm so thirsty, I could kill someone' "
Jim " 'But I only do that when I'm getting paid' "
Lee has been misnaming his casino all night. After finding out where Creel has been:
Lee "So he's been to the Londinium ex-pat place and Thor's Hairy Nipple"
Jim "Odin's. Fucking. Table."
Emily sometimes thinks Michael is still playing his old character Cid
Emily "I always forget that you're dead"
Chmiel "I send everyone a cortex text; a cortext"
Chmiel comes up with a plan that does not meet everyone's approval
Chmiel "That's Plan B"
Kevin "No, that's much lower"
Kevin "I hope we don't die in this maneuver"
Emily "It's more of a gesture"
Matt discussing a place he went for breakfast
Matt "Crepes are the taco of breakfast"
Emily "Aren't crepes the taco of France?"
Most of the guys were wearing flannel shirts at the game
Emily "All this plaid makes me feel like I'm back in Seattle"
Talking about Ruan's psychic abilities
Emily "Aren't you amazed by my abilities?"
Lee "I will bring it up in your next employee evaluation"
Jim asked Michael about his skills and he read off a list including Stealth and Seduction
Raleigh "We're not questioning your ability to be stealthy"
Lee "Or sexy"
They will attack the slave ship with shuttle 2 and the Britannia
Raleigh "Operation Crab Claw. I'm the little claw" <makes pincer gestures with his hand>
Missiles are fired at the ship
Lee "This is like shooting fish in a barrel with missiles"
Kevin "We're so into violence we didn't even try to talk to them"
Hwang is shot
Chmiel "I have faith in the skills of our medic"
Emily "Dear God…"
The Britannia swoops down on the ship
Emily "Don't forget there are cranes; you can't just land on them like a fence"
Junior blows a hole in the deck and jumps down to the next level
Chmiel "I jump in Matt's hole"
Jim "You're going in Matt's hole…"
Matt "My smoking hot hole"
Chmiel "I'm right behind you"
Moving the slaves aboard ship
Michael "Can I smack them? I like smacking 'em"
Matt begins setting charges
Kevin "Don't blow the ship up with us on it"
A few minutes later
Emily "Don't blow the ship up with us on it"
Kevin "We already discussed it"
Jim "You're three minutes behind on the panic"
Looking over the rescued slaves
Raleigh "Are any in bad shape? Do we need to take them to a hospital?"
Emily "I'm a medic"
Raleigh <looks at Emily> "Can we take them to a hospital?"
Michael wants his character to start a war between the Tongs and Niska, so they attack Niska's base to make it easier for the crew
Emily "Niska engineered a contract killing on a member of your family"
Jim "We'll leave out the part where Ruan did the killing"
Raleigh "We have the receipt"
Ruan calls Niska and his secretary puts Ruan on hold
Lee "This call may be monitored for quality assurance"
Emily rolls five dice for initiative
Lee "How many dice do you roll?!" <scoops up a handful of dice and drops them on the table>
Someone said the captain is boring
Lee "I have sex with valkyries"
Jim "Armored valkyries"
Lee "I almost had a valkyrie threesome"
Windsor has the drop on Niska and is really thinking about killing him
Lee "He's unarmored, defenseless…"
Emily "That's a terrible time to shoot someone"
Lee "Really!?!"
Chmiel "What was your excuse?"

Serenity "Big Damn Medics" Campaign
Rescue on Greenleaf
Emily's character is given a comlink/pager and a keycard ID/door pass:
Emily "Multipassss"
Konrad's character is chewing out some Alliance grunts:
Emily "Do you have skill in yelling?"
Konrad "Am I getting old? Am I boring? I should buy a sports car."
Raleigh "The Spacalade is so last decade"
Raleigh "Battlestations!…<thoughtful pause> Medical Stations, Medical Stations!"
Jim "Crew Complement <of the station> is 56"
Raleigh "We're going to need a bigger boat"
Raleigh "Theory and Practice are always the same, in theory"
Raleigh "My guess, and this is just a guess, but its my guess, so its probably pretty good,"

Cadmium Blues
Lots of silliness, I know I didn't get it all…
Konrad "I got tiki drink on my character sheet"
Kevin "He's got Chang-nesia"
Raleigh's character was happy to be going to Regina because it had a better port rating than Triumph, but upon seeing the tiny village they land at:
(sadly) "This isn't a class C port…"
Konrad "That's pants-on-head retarded."
Emily "You're going to drink warm beer?"
Chmiel "I drink warm beer all the time"
Kevin "That's right, he's from Pennsylvania"
The team is doing toxin tests on the soil and water:
Matt "Its red, what does that mean?"
Chmiel "You're pregnant"
Talking about the possibility that nearby mining may have released the cadmium:
Kevin "Dwarves always go too deep"
Jim and Konrad "That's what she said!"
Chmiel's character had an important question for Ryan's doctor character:
Chmiel (urgent tone of voice) "Hey Doctor!"
Emily "Yes?" Emily is a veterinarian and Mike's tone totally triggered her "at work" response. Best laugh all night, even she was laughing harder than anyone else
Kevin's character is deaf and Matt's character does the grumpy old man bit, constantly complaining:
Kevin "I don't hear your backtalk"
Chmiel's character shot down a drone with his rifle:
Chmiel "I reached out and grasped it with bullets"
Emily "He's the Howie Mandel of the Serenity 'Verse"

Organ Trade
Emily remembers the old captain's name on the Serenity's false papers:
Emily "I can't believe I remembered that"
Raleigh "That's almost as nerdy as your license plate" (She has a Firefly themed license plate on her car)
The team boards a Firefly:
Raleigh, as Naomi "Wow, this thing is spaceworthy?"
Matt about the organleggers' clinic "Its like chop shop…for people"
Matt pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket while we were ordering dinner:
Matt "Where did all this money come from?"
Jim "Have you been sleep-stripping again?"
Raleigh "Easter Island native cooking is like…your neighbor"
Ryan's doctor character is trying to revive an NPC:
Mike "Did you reboot his heart?"
Ryan "I tried turning his heart off and back on again"
Raleigh "They <the authorities> are working at the speed of police"
Talking about what would happen if Kevin's deaf pilot Samuel was blind, too:
Raleigh "He's the Pinball Wizard of Space"
Kevin "I didn't hear that part"
Ryan "You're deaf"
Ryan's doctor character knocks out the doctor villain, escapes from the ship, sneaks back aboard, knocks out the pilots and the doctor again and takes the last two crew captive single handedly, relying almost entirely on his martial arts skills:
Matt "Your character's new name is Dr. McNinja"

Train Job Reverse
The players are talking about getting new skills for their characters and discussing silly skills like wood carving and crafting pipes and such for sale
Emily "We could make space Etsy, its Spetsy"
Raleigh "Break it like a treaty with the Federation" (Raleigh and Konrad are working their way through Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
Jim "You have a nightmare of being strapped to a chair and doing math problems while being electroshocked."
Emily "Like vet school?"
Emily "What does Spikipedia say?"
Emily dropped some pieces of a map from a previous adventure
Raleigh "You're leaking topography"
Emily "We're not playing Fat Albert: The RPG"
Konrad (deep Bill Cosby as Fat Albert voice) "Hey, hey, hey, stay in character"
The team loads their mule on the mercenaries' mule
Raleigh "We're going to get some mule on mule action"
Emily "So its a donkey show?"
Raleigh "Its Doctors Without Atmospheres" as a play on Doctors Without Borders

Death of the Apollo
A bunch of drinking jokes about if Willy Wonka had been about alcohol
Konrad <sings> "Sweet dream of Inebriation"
"He fell in the river of Fernet-Branca"
"Where does it go?!"
"To the Distillery"
Raleigh "Would Lennon's answer be 'What would Sata do?'"
Matt, after his character sees the hole in the hull "We're going to need the big <duct> tape"
Naomi botches on a First Aid roll and injures the victim, Dr. Hammond pushes her aside
Ryan "This isn't an engine"
Konrad "#5 cheese knife or #6 cheese knife?"
Ryan "Let me see the ruler"
Talking about Roy's custom, long duration spacesuit
Jim "There's nipples inside the helmet for food, water, electronic cigarette"
Emily "Boob, water, cigarette?"
Wondering if there was a chance Matt's character routinely carried explosives around with him
Emily <old man voice> "I've had some in my anus since the war"
Emily "Since this is the part where I'm on the loveboat…I mean lifeboat"
Matt rolls a Piloting roll and only gets a "5"
Matt "Oh wait" Sticks his hand in the air and mimes flicking the three switches. "That's better"
Konrad is talking about how upset his character is over all the crew members who have just died
Ryan "Sterilize their wounds with your tears"
Matt "Congratulations Dr. Hammond, you're the first doctor to declare himself dead"
Emily's character is eavesdropping on a conversation outside and she's making jokes about Extendible Ears from Harry Potter
Konrad "Where'd you get the tube?"
Emily "I pulled the butt tube out of my suit"

Serenity Young Browncoats Campaign
No Time to Rest
Jim's cat Sam was sitting in his lap and Jim had a Bond villain moment:
Jim "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die"
Michael had some bad Agility + Covert rolls, a botch and a 3.
Lee "I have <just> a d10 for Agility, I think I could beat some of your rolls"
Planning the attack to save the hostages:
Callum to Lee "We can come in the back and draw fire while they come in the front"
Lee "Excuse me? If I draw fire, there's no one to fix you"

The Warehouse
The crew has a cargo to Regina
Michael "We're going to one of those desert planets"
Lee "Tatooine?"
The crew is ambushed
Lee "I knew I should have searched for traps"
The players are trying to decide what to do, and Lee is a little uncertain
Lee "Normally at this point, Emily has killed everyone"
Lee's doctor character is asking for someone to be his surgical assistant
Callum "I volunteer as tribute!"
Lee's character whispers to the rest of the crew that he stole a laser scalpel, and Michael's character is hard of hearing
Michael "YOU STOLE WHAT??"
Chris "You had to be that guy"