Other Game Quotes

Serenity/Space:1889 "The Mad Turk" Campaign
Death from Above
Raleigh "I've got a vacuum rated kilt!"
Konrad (to Father Lars) "You're a priest and a doctor? That's convenient, because I have both dead and wounded."
Chmiel to Raleigh "I haven't seen that vein in your forehead in a while."
Konrad to Chmiel "That's enough of your Juan-liners, Mike."

Lost Expedition
Raleigh "Of course I'm dressed formally. If I was dressed informally, I'd be wearing nothing but blue paint!"
Konrad "Mr. Reddington…" Matt (as Nigel) "DOCTOR Reddington!"
Konrad (to Chmiel and Raleigh): "So how beat up are your characters?"
Kevin "Did you see the end of The Passion of the Christ?"
Chmiel "I was always taught that Evil stacks" (in response to Matt saying two wrongs make a right)
Konrad "I don't see that as a problem, I see it as an opportunity for rescue."
Chmiel, about his character "I'm used to running away from boyfriends and husbands, Rule #1, Cardio"
Kevin, combining technicality and tactics "On a tacticality"
Worst die roll Raleigh rolled 2d12+1d4 and got three twos…

Ships that pass in the Sky
Emily "He looks deliberately rough and tumble, so he grooms his 5 o'clock shadow" talking about Captain Harper.
Chmiel "If I thought things over, I wouldn't say much"
Konrad "Foreplay in 1889 consisted of taking off all of the layers"
Konrad "My own personal prayer factory" talking about Father Lars
Kevin "I'm prepared to poke them with bullets"
Kevin "When someone asks you if you're German, you say Yes!"
Konrad (about the Gunny): "There's a reason why I hired him"
Kevin "But I can't remember what it is."
Konrad (as Harper) "I'm not used to having workers of your nature."
Chmiel (as Juan) "What, productive?"
Raleigh "Dynamite doesn't take prisoners"

Konrad "I was just making shit up, that was Original Content right there."

End of an Emperor
Chmiel "Cannibal Corpse is from Buffalo?" (the band, that is)
Raleigh "Green Jello is from Buffalo?!" (another band)
Chmiel "They're working on an 'Occupy Evans' <protest>" (meaning the town of Evans)
Raleigh "What, Bob Evans?" (thinking of the restaurant)
Matt, Mike and Raleigh (simultaneously) "WHAT?!"
Kevin "There's another ping coming!"
Emily "Mrs. Entwistle needs to change into her adventuring corset."
Jim "You mean your fighting corset?"
Kevin "Its a natural instinct to want to shoot the Gunny" after Kevin's character accidentally shot Raleigh's character.
Raleigh's character pulls the primer from a 4 inch shell and fits it into the bunghole of a gunpowder keg to improvise a bomb. He rolled really well, so I said it fit perfectly.
Emily, as Mrs. Entwistle "Mr. Entwistle always plugs the hole perfectly and smoothly…"
and "When Mr. Entwistle and I played TNT croquet, there were occasionally small munitions detonations"

Don't fear the Reaper
Matt "Doesn't mean I'm going to kill him, I just have swords"
Emily "Having a <audio> cassette collection is like having a turd collection"

Ghoul Train
Niels, talking about his character "She's Greek"
Matt "My character is German."
Niels "Stop messing with our economy!"
Chmiel "Oh no, we're in a subway, we're being doubly railroaded"
Matt "And old subways, triply railroaded"
Niels "Did it escape on the subway? Does it have a train pass?"
Jim "No…"
Niels "Then that's an extra reason to get it, fare evasion!"
Chmiel "There really are alligators in the sewer!" referring to Geck.
Kevin "We have a lizard man on our team, your argument is invalid"
Konrad's lizard man is trying to help the others climb a wall:
Matt "Just stick your tail down there <as a rope>, if it comes off, it will grow back."
Konrad "Yeah…"
Kevin "But it really hurts"
George rolls two 1's on 2d8 "That's eleven, right?"
Chmiel to Konrad "I've got to rub more dice on you, you're good luck"
Matt, talking about the villain, who was a witch "The only course now is to put her in a lake with a duck…"

This Little Piggy
Emily "It's good to be a robot"
Jim "You mean a handy dandy spectre detector?"
Chmiel "Can you walk around around and look for objects of power so we know where to mount our homunculus-cam?"

Niels "Looks like someone fell off the Occultists Anonymous Wagon"
Konrad "We don't have a leader per se, just a loose congregation of crazy people"
Chmiel "It was a Lennonism."
Konrad to Matt about Matt's 80 year old, half-fey gypsy: "You're not retarded, you're senile"
Emily "Its not being detail orientated, its overplanning"
Kevin "Unless someone has a spell to talk to pillows, we're out of luck."
Chmiel "Hellhound dust, don't breathe it. It does blend"
Niels, after refusing to try a seance again "I don't know what the spirit world is like, maybe they talk to each other. I don't want them to say 'This girl's a total bitch'".
Jim "Shiiitttt!" When Niels does a seance to find out who has the last piece. That was supposed to be part of the next adventure.

Ouroboros, part 2
Emily "I'm like the world's worst 40 year old woman"
The party found some old spellbooks:
Chmiel "It's not the Necronomicon."
Jim "You can't read Latin, so how do you know its not?"

Countdown The Infiltrator
Konrad "What do you take me for?"
Dave E "A D&D player"
Konrad "Owww…."
Niels "That depends on the edition."
Konrad "Don't roll it near the hole" (There are holes in the desks we use)
Emily "That's what she said."
Konrad "You have this energy about you."
Niels "That is the weakest pickup line ever."
Kevin "I don't want to say: 'Why are you magic?'"
Jim "The darts contain concentrated vampire venom."
Kevin "That sounds like a fun job. First you have to milk the vampire…"

The Island
Jim about Matt's fallen angel "He didn't fall (from heaven) completely."
Raleigh "He tripped."
Emily as the party is requisitioning grenades "We're not going to occupy the place."
Emily "I don't often ruin plots, but when I do, its at the end of the campaign." (Referring to the end of our Space: 1889 campaign)
Raleigh "Can corrupted people be redeemed?"
Kevin "They can be redeemed with bullets."
Chmiel after the grenade in the pool "Frogmen, they DO blend."
Raleigh cautioning Emily not to go peek at LARPers changing clothes in the hallway "Two words: pudding golem"
Raleigh to Emily "Welcome to being in charge" (Raleigh played the ship captain in our Serenity campaign and had the same "herding cats" issues Emily was having with the other players.)
Emily "Irish mouthwash is beer"

On Patrol in Toledo
Emily to Konrad as his character rode his motorcycle: "Are you wearing your assless chaps?"
Konrad "ALL chaps are assless!"
Kevin "Otherwise they'd be pants."
Konrad "I don't often sexually harass people."
Kevin "But when I do…"

The Jersey Devil
Ryan "I can see into the future; I know I'm going to be hungry."
Matt "Its like Christmas for the holy."
Konrad "OH boo-fuckin' hoo!"
Jim "Nobody expects the Jersey Devil!"
Matt "Commence the clobberation!"
Ryan "Let's pull an Odysseus and hide under the sheep."

Emily Can we poke the darkness with bullets?"
Michael "You know what they say about big horns."
LOTS of bad Jawa jokes when they get to the snowcat transport.
Under attack by some kind of demon dogs:
Christopher "You forgot some meat bones to throw to the dogs"
Konrad "Who let the dogs out?"
Matt "I have a confession; I let the dogs out."
Christopher "Can I do a called shot to stick it in the hole?"
Everyone pauses…
Emily "That's what she said."
Emily rolls a botch: "Fuuuccckkk mmeeee…"
Jim "My first draft had brain worm parasite controlled zombies."
Emily "I've seen 'Keeping up with the Kardashians'."
Jim after Michael's dropped the first big monster "He goes down, not dead but unconscious."
Michael taunts Konrad "Suck it."
Matt "He's going to wear you like a meat suit when he's done ripping you apart."
Jerry "I'm just excited we have a demon pinata."
Emily "What comes out of a demon pinata?"
Matt "Orphans."
Emily "For a some reason, I just thought of Steampunk bukkake."
We played some Poo: the card game afterwards:
Matt "This is intense, it's like watching speed chess, but with poo."

Ball's in your Court
Lee "You ever notice how vampire lairs are never in someplace like Bermuda?"
Jerry "Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Or well done"
Jim "But your homeowner's insurance rates are very high"
A group of valkyries has arrived at the BPRD to reclaim the Golden Apples:
Jim "Imagine the Swedish Bikini Team in full chain mail with swords"

Cowboy Bebop
Boarding Party
There was a long explanation that since there is no artificial gravity in the Cowboy Bebop universe, ships and stations rotate to generate gravity. The ship's ring rotates to simulate normal Mars gravity on the outer layer where the luxury suites are, and perceived gravity is lower closer to the center.
Matt "The rich people are on the outer ring: 'We have only the finest gravity.'"
Konrad to Matt "Do you think you can use the internet better than me?" Matt's d6 Intelligence prize fighter then makes a better skill check than Konrad's d8 Intelligence Ex-Cop.

What Happens in New Vegas...
Matt "I'm still good at what I used to do."
Jim "Yeah, beating the shit out of people."
Matt "Goddamn guest appearances, whose idea was this anyway?"
Jim "Yours."
Matt "Come for the car show, stay for the gun show!"

Shell Game
Michael "I shoot the biggest thing I see."
Jim "That would be Mars…"
Matt "You know, <Michael> is the only one of us who rolls crits like its his job."
Matt (talking about space cops): "How do you like putting tickets on spaceships?"
Konrad "Those ships had less hit points than your mom."
Matt "'Cause your mom's the Death Star. I'll have you know my mom's an elder dragon."
Matt is writing a ninja note:
Konrad, in a wheedling tone "Hey, what's that you're writing?"
Matt, surly "Nothing."
Konrad "I just want to proofread it."
Konrad "Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver."
Matt: "There's always a bigger fish."
Konrad "So, we're on Mars..."
Konrad "It's faux whale penis leather."
Jim "Callisto is frigid and hostile."
Konrad "Sounds like a girl I used to know."
Konrad is being a cheapskate with his bribes.
Konrad "I slide over an extra 500 woolongs ($50)."
Michael "My toilet paper costs more than that."
Michael, after Matt's fighter knocks out a guy with his taser gloves "Karate Chop!"
Konrad "What is this, Austin Powers?"
Michael "Stun chop!"
Matt "I'm going to drop the hammer on him,and by the hammer, I mean the brick."
Konrad "And by the brick, you mean your penis."

Venus Concerto Foxtrot
Jim made a comment that all the LARPers at the other end of the hall seem to spend a lot of time standing in the hallway waiting for their turn:
Matt "It's the womens' bathroom version of LARPing."
Matt "You can't drink the whole bar, you're not a fish."
Konrad "Blub, blub."
Ryan threw out a few "Space" jokes:
"I'm drinking space scotch, it's spotch."
"Space flares?"
Michael and Konrad "Splares"
Ryan "I thought we were supposed to shoot them until they're dead."
Konrad, at the beginning of the aircar chase "Shotgun!
Michael's character was wearing a breathing mask "I look at him and say (puts his hand over his mouth) "Grrr,brrm, gah!"
Rolling initiative:
Ryan "13"
Michael "13!"
Konrad "14!!"
Matt "15! Suck it!!"
Jim "You brought that <a two shot derringer> and didn't bring any reloads?"
Matt "This is my casual dinner gun."
Matt "You're always making fun of me because I'm from Earth."
Konrad "I'm not making fun of you, that's <being from Earth> like having a disability; I would never make fun of someone with a disability."
Konrad "Don't eat the mushrooms."
Jim "I thought they were bob-bons."
Matt "Meow"
Jim "How did you get 'meow' from bon-bons?!"
Michael is talking about putting the moves on the hot female NPC:
Ryan "He might have really good 'persuasion'."
Konrad "Or really good chloroform."
Michael is still talking about getting down with the NPC, using military slang as euphemisms for sex.
Konrad: "That's what you call it? No wonder you don't get laid."
Matt rolls "3" on a d8 + d6 three times in a row rolling for Perception.
Ryan finds an envelope left behind by the female NPC:
Ryan: "I tear the end off and hold my breath."
Matt: "Meanwhile, she's watching you through a sniper rifle scope saying: 'That's not going to help you'."

The ship's air filters die and the crew is stuck breathing their own stink:
Matt "This may look like a flamethrower, but its loaded with Febreze."
Konrad "Can we get a shitload of deodorant candles?"
Michael's character Boomer buys a bunch of guns, knives and ammo to conceal around the ship. There were lots of comments about guns in the couch, ammo in cereal boxes, etc.
Last adventure, Michael's character was sucker punched by an assassin so she could escape. The others were hassling him with comments like:
Matt "This place could use a woman's touch. You know what else got a woman's touch? HIS FACE!!"
Ryan "Let's impersonate weed inspectors."
Jim "Do you smell that? That's the sweet smell of over planning."
Konrad to Michael and Ryan "I want you to hot-wire both trucks, get their machine guns loaded and ready to go, and while you're at it, can you pour me a cup of coffee?"
Konrad, after injuring some of the thugs "Someone with brain damage can still serve a prison term…<thinks about what he said>…I feel like I'm in Texas."

GERIA Transfer
Konrad's character is talking to the train station manager, she is female and attractive, an "8"
Konrad "Perfect, 2 years younger and 5 points hotter"
Matt "Poopy dick mouth"
Konrad "That's my line"
Matt was drinking some Dos Equis beer in a can and said it was worse than the bottled version
Ryan "By 'stay thirsty', they mean 'don't drink this, it's icky' "
Ryan "They have midget rage"
Konrad "Its called a Napoleon complex"
The bounty was killed by the rival team
Konrad "He's dead Jim"
Ryan, about Konrad's character's drinking habit "You know, there's this thing called alcohol poisoning"
Matt, about the Cowboy Bebop theme song: "I'm convinced anything with bongoes is awesome"
Ryan "That's why Donkey Kong is so awesome"
There was a listing of space drugs or sprugs.
Matt, to his dice after a bad die roll "You are a bad die" sets it aside, picks up another and sets that one aside. "And you are the friend of a bad die".

Space: 1889
Dinosaur Hunt
Emily "I feel like I've never had a doing it twice character." (She was referring to being able to shoot twice in a round…)
Emily "Do you want some tea?"
Chmiel "No thanks, I'm percolating"
Emily "What?"
Konrad "He has coffee"
Emily "Oh, I thought he was going to fart" (Much silliness occurred because Emily has a Fart app on her iPhone)
Robert "I speak drunk, that's kind of like Irish"
Emily (in character) "We went looking for cheese on the Moon one time and didn't find any. Mr. Entwistle was so upset, he had brought all these crackers…"

Cyberpunk/AD Police
Power Armor Smackdown
Chmiel wanted to open fire in the warehouse with his grenade launcher, but Konrad was concerned about friendly fire, so he fired a 100 round burst from his .50 caliber gatling gun at the robot instead:
Chmiel to Konrad "And you were afraid of me grenading our teammates."
Matt "That's ok, all of our teammates are lying on the ground…"
Matt to Konrad, in character "I am already on lowest point on totem pole, I am under YOUR command."
Chmiel "Does your suit have a fire suppression system? 'Cause you just got burned…"

Cyberpunk 2020
Jim "There are three fences around the prison"
Chmiel "That's o-fence-sive…"
Solo from other team "I'm going to be the biggest bad ass dude in here"
Jeremy from other team "I'm going to look like his bitch"
Chmiel "I want a parrot"
John "Is it inflatable?"
Jim "Is it a robo-parrot?"
John "Does it eat memory chips like crackers?"
One of the running gags was an inflatable love doll dressed up in the prison guards' uniform who was the fourth member of the extraction team. The only comment I'm going to repeat is:
Konrad "So you have an intern"
John "An inflatable intern"

Call of Cthulhu
Mansion of the Mi-Go
Jim offers to take the female character so everyone else can pick other characters
Jim "I'm channeling Jessica Rabbit"
The characters are invited to an English mansion for their inheritance from a mutual friend
Jim "I feel like this is the opening set up for Clue"
Lee is playing a French lawyer
Lee "I am a civil lawyer; when I sue you, you will think I am your friend"
Lee "My Knowledge is 99%?"
Jim "You do well on Jeopardy"
Kevin "How many World War 2 history books are there four years later?"
Lee " 'WW2: Will we win?' "
Michael is trying to make a Persuasion roll
Kevin "If you fail, there will be tentacles and no one will be happy"
Reading the will
Lee "Who is C. Thulhu?"
Kevin "What kind of name is Yog?"
Jim "Its Swedish"
Matt "He was buried in the yard"
Jim "Did he stay buried?"
Lee "His tombstone reads 'That is not dead which can eternally lie' "
The dead inventor was named Terrence and named all three of his sons Terrence also
Lee "What is the ship name?"
Matt "SS Everlight"
Callum "I thought it would be named Terrence"
Lee's lawyer bribes the staff at the sanitarium
Lee "I'm moving the plot along, you can't put a price on that"
Jim "I pull my derringer"
Kevin "So if something very small gets very close, you might be able to wound it"
Lee's character charges the monster with the alien weapon he found
Kevin "I've never heard of a Frenchman wanting to jump into battle"
The weapon sprays a cone of purple gas
Lee "We don't know what it does"
Jim "It might put them to sleep. Or flay the flesh from their bones"

Jim greeting Chmiel at the door "Welcome, Space Cadet!"
Chmiel immediately goofed something up "Wow, I really am a space cadet. I took the short spaceship here"
Kevin is having trouble getting the ship to move as Helmsman
Chmiel "Is the parking brake on?"
Reading the enemy ship profile
Emily "The captain is bombastic and unmarried, according to space Tinder"

Mountains of Madness
First game, there was a little reading issue
Mike "What is frugal honey?"
Lee "I think its fungal honey"
We flipped over one of the upper cards which needed lots of resources
Emily "That's lots of tools"
MC "More tools than a Five Finger Death Punch concert"