Orc Ruins

Summary
(GM's note: We got a late start and needed to add Kimi's character, so I sort of fast forwarded through the introduction. All aboard the plot railroad, choo-choo!)
After returning the kidnapped Lady Elior to her father, Lord Rainon, he suggests that the party might be able to help him with a problem. Orc bandits have been raiding the edge of his land, so he hires them to take care of the orcs. The party heads out to one of the ambush sites and finds tracks from a stolen wagon being driven cross country. Along the way, they meet the druid Wylie, who approaches Wittr. She is also hunting the orcs and decides to join the party. Following the trail, they find an old ruined castle, the orcs are camping in some of the partially intact towers. Desdamona climbs one of the towers and spots an orc sentry on amother tower and returns to inform the party. The adventurers move in and Roskva sends her familiar Hagar to spray musk in one of the towers and drive out the orcs. The orcs come out of the tower to avoid the smell and fight the party. Desdamona climbs back up the tower to attack from above. Dastan, Wittr, Roskva and Clare fight the orcs while Iria engages the orc archers on the tower across the courtyard. Dastan sings to aid his companions in battle. Roskva fires off several Magic Missile spells then starts swinging her staff. Clare ends up joining the archery duel as well and the two fighters kill all the orcs on the guard tower. Wittr and Wylie heal some of the wounded.
Once the orcs are dead, the party searches them and the ruins and they find a secret door. It leads down into the dungeons below, which seem to be undisturbed. They find a hall of orc made statues of orcish chieftains and champions and a torture room with the remains of ten elvish skeletons hanging from the walls. Wittr uses Detect Magic and finds an elven dagger. Exploring the main hall, they come to a large chamber with scuttling noises. Wylie tries to use Speak with Animals, but it doesn't work. Whatever is in here isn't a normal animal… They are confronted by bizarre monsters; giant brains crawling on multiple short legs with acid dripping antennae. One radiates a wave of fear at Desdamona and she flees from the room, but returns to fight once the feeling wears off. The party attacks the creatures, they slash with their antennae and another uses mind control to make Clare attack Daston and he drops, mortally wounded. Fortunately, the monsters are soon slain and Wittr heals Daston. Searching the room, they find the corpse of an old wizard, brain-like fungus growths spurt from his flesh. The party gathers some coins, a cloak and a staff, carved of light wood with an icicle and snow flake designs, and burn the body. Moving deeper into the dungeon, Daston encounters some giant rats but Wylie convinces them to accompany her. In another large room, they find giant fire beetles and fight them. Daston stuns one with Color Spray and Wylie's rats fight alongside the adventurers. Afterwards they decide they need to rest, they return to the surface and camp in the ruins overnight.
In the morning, the party returns to the catacombs. Desdamona leads them forwards to a door and stops when she hears sounds like some creatures chewing on a bone. The party debates what to do, but the creatures inside hear them and come out, a ghoul comes out and attacks. Then another. The party falls back into a wider section so they can surround the ghouls and kill them. The first ghoul is down and a third appears. They fight the last ghouls and kill them, then advance into the rooms beyond. The room is filled with skeletons of long, long dead orcs. The ones on the bottom are neatly laid, but the ones on top are piled haphazardly. It looks like it may have been a makeshift morgue. There are also two bodies newer that the rest, a pair of humans. One has a shining set of chain mail,the other a finely made short sword. Coins from rotted pouches are pooled on the floor. They loot the bodies and move down the main hall. The next section of corridor has a circular room with a large well in it. Giant crabs come out of the water and attack and again they fall back into the hallway. The crabs' thick armor and heavy claws make them dangerous opponents, but Claire's two handed sword chops through their shells and Wylie hits a couple with Thorn Whip spells. Iria plants some arrows in weak spots while Roskva, Wittr and Dastan help. After the battle, the party rests and Wittr and Wylie help heal the party. Moving down to the end of the corridor, they find side passages blocked by rockfalls and Wylie warns that they appear to be dangerously unstable. A side room holds a dead elf with a potion bottle in one hand, it looks like he died of wounds before he could drink the potion…
The main corridor ends in a large pair of double doors bearing the symbol of Gruumsh, the orc god. When the push the doors open, they see a throne room with an armored orc skeleton sitting on the throne, a spear across its lap. Dead orcs are spread before the throne, some still kneeling in the positions they died in. Wittr castsDetect Magic and finds the spear and skeleton are magical. When they enter the room, the skeleton stands and raises the spear, which begins to glow red. It threatens them in Orcish and the four skeletons in front of the throne rise up also and turn to attack. The party advances to attack, Roskva shoots Magic Missiles at the lead skeleton and Iria shoots arrows at the others. Wittr, Dastan, Wylie and Claire draw swords to fight the skeletons and Desdamona shoots crossbow bolts from one side. The leader's spear glows red, dealing burning wounds. But they smash the skeletons and pull back to recover. No more skeletons come after them. The spear is evil, they take it to be destroyed.
They return to town and are rewarded by Lord Rainon for wiping out the orc bandits.

Silly Quotes and Smart Remarks
Kimi's druid Wylie has a pet owl
Kimi "I use the shit from my owl to slick my hair back"

The party can smell the orcs' cook fire
Chmiel "What are they cooking?"
Mike "Meth"

Trying to learn something about the ruin's history
Mike "Can you do something with your bardiness?"
Matt "Do you want to know about drinking or whoring?"

Matt spills coffee on his character sheet
Matt "NOW its a character sheet"

Matt's bard goes down
Natasha (singing) "Nobody dies like Dastan!"
Chmiel (singing) "Nobody fries like Dastan!"

Matt "This room looks like a railway station"

The party finds an old Potion of Healing
MC "Make sure you check the expiration date"