One Man's Castle

The party travels to Fin Panir, the last major city in Tsaia and home of the High Lord's main temple and paladin academy. Gyles finds a local who knows the story of the castle, it was built by a successful adventurer named Bruna Riffinsdaughter. But she had angered the priests of Nerull and they attacked the castle, turning its people into undead and leaving a curse on the castle. They stock up on rations, winter gear and supplies before setting out on the road to Catun. They arrive at the town and ask around about the castle. The townspeople are disdainful, no one has returned from the castle.
The next morning they gear up and ride to the castle, Symond stays outside to watch the horses. Passing through the gate house, Gyles casts Protection from Evil on everyone and leads them to the smithy. There they encounter three skeletons in old armor. The skeletons are very strong, Gyles' Turn Undead does not destroy them and they recover quickly. Once the skeletons are destroyed, they head outside to go to the next building, but ten more armored skeletons are approaching. Negral throws a flaming oil flask, Gyles tries to do a Holy Smite but is hit and loses concentration. KG, Darwin and Sya go hand to hand, then Darwin casts a Mulch spell that causes the skeletons' armor to fall away. Gyles turns some and Sya shoots lightning from her Wand of Ball Lightning at them. As the skeletons overcome the turning, Darwin casts a ring shaped Wall of Fire spell through the skeletons' ranks. Several are destroyed and Negral kicks one backwards through the fire. They finish off the last skeletons and the one on the other side throws its shield, then its sword through the wall without effect. It walks off and enters the main keep. Darwin casts Fire Ward to stop fires caused by Wall of Fire and they approach the main keep. Gyles detects multiple evil sources in rooms adjacent to the entrance. Darwin uses his Shrieking Staff to go into Wraithform and ghosts through the building. He returns to report there are more skeletons, very angry and active zombies and a dark, ghostly spirit waiting for them. They fight the skeleton soldiers in the next room, then decide to go down a side hall way and come around. They travel through the empty servants' rooms om the first floor, but are attacked by three more of the active and angry zombies. They are fast and attack with clawed hands. One hits Sya with both claws and drags her forward to bite her. Gyles casts Bless to help the party, and they slay the zombies. They explore a basement store room and are attacked by two more of the fast zombies. Most of the stores are old, but some kegs of wine and brandy are still good. Returning upstairs, they encounter a group of four different zombies; these are also fast but have hard skins and punch with great force. They wear tatters of guards uniforms. Darwin destroys one with a Thorn Spray spell and Gyles hits them with a Holy Smite, but miscalculates and injures Darwin with the spell. KG stands back and fires arrow after arrow, Negral and Sya wade in with swords and the priests join them. Finally, they return to the grand hall and fight the first six active zombies. The party wades into the zombies and fights hard, but their wounds are starting to accumulate. Gyles uses Circle of Healing to help the party and damage the zombies. Darwin blinds one with his scimitar and the fighters cut down the rest. They come to the last room with the dark spirit, it is in the desecrated chapel. Darwin, Negral and Gyles attack it, then Sya hits it with a ball from her wand and it disintegrates. As the spirit vanishes, it whispers "Thank you" and Darwin realizes it must have been a good person's bound here by the curse on the castle.
They move upstairs and are attacked by another pair of zombies, but deal with them quickly. Searching the last floor, they come to a door with candlelight showing beneath. A female voice invites them in. They find a sunroom and library, lit by mismatched candles. Sitting in a chair is an armored female skeleton reading a book, an armored zombie stands at her side. She congratulates them on getting this far, but their fate is to replace the undead they destroyed. KG tries to tell her its his castle now, she laughs and scoffs and Darwin talks to her as well. She shows them a black spherical gem in her skull that anchors the curse. She gets impatient with their chatter and stands and Darwin hits her with Banshee Shriek from his Shrieking Staff but they are both untouched. Gyles casts Holy Flail and attacks, but the skeleton resists and strikes him twice, knocking him unconscious. Sya engages the zombie while KG, Negral and Darwin fight the skeleton. Darwin hits her with two Thorn Spray spells while KG hits her with arrows while Negral duels her with Lion's Fang. They finally drop her and when she falls from the floor, the stone rolls from her forehead. The zombie slams Sya with its mace and destroys her chainmail. Darwin attacks with his scimitar, then picks up the black stone, crushing it against the zombie. When the stone shatters, the zombie dies and the curse is lifted. Darwin heals Gyles and they rest up before searching the castle. Gyles takes Bruna's sword, Witherbrand and passes the Black Tooth Sword to KG. Sya gets Bruna's armor and the Gorgon's Bow. Darwin grabs a Bandanna of Blending and KG also takes the Iron Crown. They search and loot the keep. KG and Symond go to town and hire people to help clean the keep and bury the dead. Darwin plants a tree in the courtyard. Gyles also begins preparations to build a church nearby on KG's land. Symond will become the keep's seneschal.

Silly Quotes and Smart Remarks
The nearby town's name is Catun
Jim "Not to be confused with Catan
Lee "Why do they have so many sheep? And big piles of rock?"
Jim "I hear there's a lumber shipment coming in"

Talking to a local in Fin Panir about the castle's history
Michael "Is he trustworthy?"
Lee "We're not looking for that"

The castle belonged to an adventurer, Bruna Riffinsdaughter
Lee "She sounds… substantial"
Mike "Girthy"

Discussing how often Callum's characters are killed, usually due to his poor judgement
Jim "If Callum doesn't kill himself, you're doing something wrong <as a game master>"

Passing through the city of Fin Panir, where the High Lord's main temple and paladin academy is located
Lee "Can we get a paladin student for an intern? A work study?"

Lee "I'm going to drink holy water so if zombies eat my brain, they'll explode"

Michael buys potions of healing to give to other party members
Lee "A cleric buying healing potions? Isn't that like saying you can't do your job?"

Lee is still looking for a paladin student
Lee "Paladintern. I'm going to trademark that"

One last round of shopping
MC "I there something I need? Can I roll a d20 to see what I need?"
Jim "Okay, shopping is over"
Michael "Do they have…"
Jim "Shopping is over!!"

The inn is the "Sweaty Dancer"
Jim "The sign is a pole dancer"
Lee "Everything's sticky and wet"
Mike "Moist"

Lee is considering shape changing into a bear for the battle, MC let off a string of puns. For example:
MC "That was a grizzly attack. It was possum!"

Mike's favorite death metal song title is "I Ejaculate Fire"
Jim "You should see a urologist"

Mike is drawing on the Battlemat for Jim
Lee "You're a ginger and left handed? Satan is in you"

Reminding Callum he got a deed to the castle from the Deck of Many Things, Mike and MC just bought a house
MC "House hunting is not worth it; the Deck of Many Things is the way to go"
Jim "It's a little fixer-upper"

The party found the garderobes and made monsters in the toilet jokes
Lee "Zombie Toilet; the new album from Cannibal Corpse"

Discussing flipping the keep
Callum "Victorian, not Roman sconces"

Jim takes XP chips back for bad jokes, MC thought she was safe because she didn't have any
Jim "I've given people negative points"
Lee "You're in the chiphole"

Rolling for surprise when zombies attack in the basement, Callum's ranger actually succeeds
Lee "I sense the call of the wild"
Mike "I could build a hell of a lean to down here"

Callum cuts open a bag of chips with his case cutter from work
MC "The bus you rode to school, was it full size or short?"

Discussing needing new furniture for the keep
Lee "We'll go to Medieval Ikea"
Mike "Mikea"

MC kept pushing her dice into a mound, then having to dig through the pile for what she needed
Jim "You're mounding your dice again"
Lee "Mounting?"
MC gets up like she's going to straddle the pile of dice on the table
Jim "I see a new table rule…"

Callum mispronounces 'roulette' in Russian roulette and leads to a spate of dick/gun jokes
Lee "In Russia, gay pistol fucks you"

Michael "Does my healing touch have to be my hand?"
Jim "Yes, because I don't want it to be another body part"
Mike "I'm going to mushroom stamp you"
Jim "You need healing? Tea bag!"

Looking for temples in a small town, they find one to Tyr
Lee "Fucking Tyr's everywhere"

Lee "Elf piss smells like honey"
Mike "That's where honey nut Cheerios come from"

Michael "Devote yourself to Tyr"
Mike "Fuck that, then they got you every month"