Mos Eisley Pharmacist

First Customer
Just opened my new pharmacy in Mos Eisley and my first patient was a Jawa with an order for a topical anti-fungal. I'm afraid to ask who examined it. And if they're still sane. #dontwanttolooktooclose

Yes, We Do
If someone asks me one more time if we carry sunburn cream, I'm going to scream. We're on Tatooine, of course we have sunburn cream. And sun block. And sun hats. #twosunsdoubletheburns

Hair Of The Bantha
Hangover cures are behind you on the left. And I have some Corellian brandy on sale if you're looking for a good time that won't hit you as hard the next day. #nevertellmetheproof

Big Sale
Just helped out a Mon Calamari looking for a skin moisturizer. Being on Tatooine must be their idea of hell, he took all that I had and asked me to order more. #bakedfish

First Aid Supplies
A guy with a severed arm just came in and bought all my bacta and wound pads. #amorecivilizedweapon

Door to Door
No sergeant, I haven't seen any droids or old men except for Old Sims there in the waiting area. Hmm? Yes, I have something for scalp itch. #helmetrash

Does This Look Like A Garage?
What? No, I don't have oil baths, I only sell to organics. Check the mechanic down the street. #nodroids

Just When I Go
Back again for your usual? Sorry to hear that, you need to find a better whorehouse. Have you tried Mona's? #yourpharmacistrecommends

Mothers' Milk
Blue Bantha baby formula is in aisle 3, top shelf. #bluemilk

Favorite Customer
Y-y-yes, I have your order, here you are ma'am. P-p-please come again. #hotandsexytwilek

Drink up
Something for dehydration? I don't know, drink more water maybe? #duh

Take Your Positions
Closed for the holiday, be back tomorrow after the race. #boontaseve

From Both Ends
Sounds like Bunkard Sewer Disorder, yeah, it's terrible. Here's a few things you can take. And I would move out of that neighborhood. #wipethecounterafter

Roger Roger
A hold up? Are you serious? I guess you didn't notice the coat rack is an old battle droid. And it still works… #wetmopcleanup

Veterinary Supplies, Too
Yes, I have that. But I have to warn you, the dose for a bantha is going to be pretty expensive #horsepillsarenothing

Continuing Education
Doing some required professional studies to maintain my license, Hutt reproductive difficulty treatments are just plain NASTY. #slugsex

Recreational Purposes
No, I don't sell spice. Or deathsticks. It's not that kind of drug store. #rethinkyourlife

The Biting Wind
It always happens when the storms blow in from the East. The bottom lands there are thick with sand fleas. Apply this all over, then use this on the sores. #itcheslikemad

Holiday Candy
I was ordering some candy to have for Harvest Festival, what in the name of the Original Light is a marshmallow porg?? #bitetheheadsoff

A Better Mousetrap
Womprat poison is in aisle 4. Just make sure you get rid of any carcasses, the scavengers are worse #rodentsofunusualsize

Late Delivery
Sorry, I am out of that. My last shipment was lost in that bad sandstorm, this week the ship carrying my delivery got stopped by the Imps. Everything's still waiting in Customs. #imperialentanglements

What's Eating You?
Well, that's the chance you take trying other races' food. Trandoshans can digest the eggs before they hatch in the stomach. Take this daily for a week, hopefully it will kill the larvae before it kills you. #orderwelldonenexttime

Nothing To Sneeze At
Many furred species have problems dealing with the heat and lack of humidity. Shampoo with this twice weekly until your condition improves, then once weekly to keep it under control. #wookiedandruff

Damn Two For One
Yes, I know what time it is, I know I'm late opening up, sorry. Chalmun had a drink special last night during the showing of the smashball championship and I had too much to drink. I know I look terrible, if you'll just get out of my way, I can open the store and take something! #healthyself

Let Go Your Conscious Thoughts
Hello Wuher, what can I do for you? My winnings from the smashball pool? I won how much?? Wait, how much did I bet? WHAT?!? I don't remember betting, damn good thing they won then. Next time I better leave my credstick home. #dontdrinkandgamble

Too Quiet
Yesterday was really hopping, so of course today is slow. I'd send my tech home, but I know what will happen if I do. Time for cleaning, you just can't keep the damn sand out. #itscoarseandirritating

Push Hard
I know they're a lot more expensive than the regular ones, that's what happens when you need a needle to go through scales. #armorpiercing

Bad Route
I'll sign for that, where's the usual guy? Killed by Sand People? That's terrible, good luck to you. #theyreanimals

Convenience, Fah
Add a drive thru window? For what? You want your stuff, you can come inside. #getoffyourassandwalk

Of Course It Is
C'mon, you expect me to believe this is a legit script? Everything is spelled wrong, including the doctor's OWN NAME! #forgire

Appetite Supressant
You want something to help you lose weight? Here's some gay Hutt porn I found on the Holonet by accident. I guarantee you won't be hungry after that. #safesearchonplease

Today's Forecast
Today's high temp will be 105, with a heat index of 105. At least there's no humidity to make things worse. #itsadryheat

Non-Competition Clause
No, I don't sell Death-sticks. No, I don't want to buy any either. Wait, didn't I throw you out a few months back? Who are you working for? An independent, huh? Hey battle droid! Take this guy over to Jabba's and let them explain things to him… #sarlaccbait

This kid in a Loth Cats jersey buying condoms asked if Tatooine had man-eating blobs or lethal fungus spores. I said I didn't think so and he said Tatooine already sounded like a better place than his last planet. #randomquestionoftheweek

Visor Vision
Sure, I do eye exams for licenses. Umm, you'll need to take off the helmet though, no artificial aids allowed. #prescriptionhelmet

Cosmetics and Beauty Aids
Horn polish? Certainly, it's in the Import section of the cosmetics aisle, aisle 1 on the left, past the multispecies shampoo section. #sharpdresseddevaronian

Every One Tells a Story
Tattoo ink? The only thing I have is the kind Twi'leks use for their lekku, will that do? No, I haven't met any Mirialans here on Tatooine, at least not in Mos Eisley. Do you ask that question everywhere you go? #oddsareagainstyou

How can I help you? For an inflamed piercing, I would recommend this bacta ointment, you can apply it to the piercing as well if you can remove it and reinsert it. No, I don't want to see… Okay, not where I was worried it was going to be. But, both nipples? Really? #dreamcatchers

Well, hello ma'am, what can I do for you? Ah, I'm sorry to hear that, but it looks perfectly natural. I have a cream that will moisturize the skin under the arm attachment and help relieve that itch. Please call if you have any other problems… or need a date. #thosearentsmallmoons

Poetic Justice
Who was in yesterday? That bitch, what did she want? She has what? Jundland Pox? Hahahaha, I hope she writhes in agony! Best news I had all day!! #imgoingtohell

A Special Day
Good morning sir, you're well dressed for a weekend morning. You're getting married today, congratulations! What can I do for you? Ahh, a case of the pre-wedding jitters on top of a hangover. Well, this will clear your head and this will steady your nerves. And here's something special, so you'll be ready for the wedding night… #anighttoremember

Least Favorite Job
What's that refrigerated tote they just delivered? Sand Fever vaccine? I heard they had some cases show up locally, damn we're going to be busy as hell with people worried about it spreading. Well, put the sign in the window and get ready to work some extra hours. #stabbingtime

Smuggling and Handling
Good afternoon, yes, I have your special order, but it's quite expensive. Listen, do you know how much it costs to get something like this out here on Tatooine? And at that, the fee to have it smuggled in was cheaper than paying the Imperial tariff on it. #additionalfeesapply