Minotaur's Maze

MC- Human Fighter Sya
Michael- Wild Mage Ryz
Mike- Elf Fighter Negral
Lee- Human Bard Jables
Callum- Half-Elf Ranger KG
NPC Human Cleric Gyles

The party arrives at the town of Alton Falls at dusk and sees a large sign as they enter: "Wanted: Adventurers to kill a minotaur. 1,000gp reward, apply at town hall". Gyles immediately votes yes and the rest of the party goes along. The meet with the mayor who explains a minotaur and a pack of wolves is attacking travelers and farmsteads, kidnapping people and livestock. The last attack was three days ago, and another five days before that. The party agrees and and takes a 50gp advance and goes to spend that in the local tavern. In the morning they resupply and head to the site of the last attack. It takes a while, but KG finds the minotaur's tracks and follows them into the wilderness. The tracks lead to the very old ruins of a castle or small town. As they approach, the minotaur's tracks are crossed by the footprints of a large reptile. The minotaur's trail leads to an old set of stairs descending into the earth. they decide to swing around and scout the ruins. Next KG finds a lot of insectoid tracks, belonging to creatures one to three feet long. Continuing to sweep clockwise through the ruins, they are attacked by a giant boring beetle. Passing it's hole in the ground lair, they find another set of stairs going down, but this opening is choked with vines and the passage beyond is dusty and strewn with curtains of cobwebs.
Ryz sends his bat familiar to scout, it reports back many corridors, but nothing else.The party enters, KG in the lead and he falls through a pit trap made of old boards covered with rubble. The party drops a rope and hauls him out, but now needs to cross the pit. Ryz takes a running jump and easily clears the gap. Negral tosses him a hammer and spike and Ryz drives the spike in. Sya throws him the end of a rope while Negral drives a spike on their side. They secure the rope to the spikes and the party crosses the pit. Coming around a bend, they are attacked by the minotaur and three dire wolves. They fight a pitched battle in the confines of the passage, but slay the monsters. Moving forward they find the room where the minotaur laired and decide to explore the rest of the maze. Moving down a passage, they find a puzzle. Next to the doorway into a large chamber containing a murky pool, they find a stack of rocks, old bones and chunks of wood. They assume there is something in the pool and Ryz casts Lightning Bolt into the water. The monster surges half out of the water, attacks with two tentacles and drags Ryz underwater. Ryz casts Nahal's Reckless Dweomer and shapes the surge into Alternate Reality. He jumps back in time and the monster has to attack again. This time only one tentacle hits, but Ryz is still dragged underwater. In desperation, Gyles throws his sword at the monster and misses, Negral and Sya fire arrows into the creatures back and finish it off. Ryz bobs to the surface and Gyles asks him to find his sword.
The party continues to explore the maze and finds a door barricaded shut and decide to bypass it for now. They find the entrance they first discovered and more of the giant reptile tracks. The adventurers follow the tracks to the lair of a giant fire lizard which attacks them. When the beast it slain, its head falls on the mage and crushes him to the floor. They press on and find a room filled with mushrooms, Jables throws a flaming oil flask into the room and flushes four giant beetles that attack them. Jables Charms one while the party fights the other three, then Negral finishes the last.
The party has explored almost all the maze. There is another barricaded door and a stuck door which leads the area with the small insectoid tracks and decide they have had enough of bugs. They return to the second barricaded door and listen. Negral hears growling and chewing noises. They remove the barricade and open the door to find two wights chewing old bones in a crypt. Gyles Turns them and the party strikes them down. Three more wights charge from a side passage and Ryz casts Lightning Bolt then the adventurers melee with the wights until they are gone. The party gathers up the last treasure and returns to Alton Falls for their reward.
After resting, the party examines their treasure and Ryz uses Identify on them. Two cloaks are a Cloak of Protection and Wings of Flying. A necklace is the Medallion of Malog, there is a set of Leather armor of Camouflage and Shoes of Travelling. Last is a small leather pouch bearing the mark of Simyits, the god of Chaos, Luck and Gambling. It is a Deck of Many Things, containing thirteen cards. Jables takes it as his reward and draws four cards and ends up cursed with a weakness versus Petrification attacks, a handful of magic darts and a treasure map. Ryz draws Death and a Minor Death appears and attacks him. The mage casts Lightning Bolt, but it does no damage. Ryz again casts Nahal's Reckless Dweomer and tries to shape it, but fails and Polymorphs himself into a small black dragon. The Minor Death kills him and he returns to human form. The Death stabs Ryz again with his scythe, draws Ryz's struggling soul from his corpse and disappears. KG draws some cards and changes alignment to Lawful Good and has all of his material goods stripped, in a flash he stands there naked. With nothing to lose, he draws more cards and his charisma skyrockets, the deed to a small castle appears in his hand and a warrior rides around the corner and says he has come to serve KG. Jables decides to draw some more cards and gets Imprisoned, he disappears.
The survivors are stunned by the turn of events, Gyles takes charge. KG's henchman, Symond, loans him some spare clothes and gold. Gyles gathers up Ryz's body for burial. He suggests they need to go to a major city so they can seek magical help in finding Jables.

Silly Quotes and Smart Remarks
Michael asks if Lee's bard has a harp, because he has a spell that lets him replay harp music
Lee "No, harps are the bass of medieval bands, he's the one no one pays attention to. You have to be the guy out front with a lute"

Discussing the effects of the minotaur's raids
Lee "Property values are dropping"
Jim "Almost as bad as having a meth lab next door"
Lee "The minotaur is cooking meth in the mountains"
Mike "Heisentaur"

Got off on a side note about the Random Prostitute table in the DMG
MC "Many whores? I thought we were looking for minotaurs"

The party finds the tracks of a large reptile
MC "Does anyone speak Parseltongue?

Talking about Callum's bad dice rolls as a ranger
Lee "I am a leaf on the wind"
Jim "If by that you mean he's going to get a spear through his chest, yes"
The party is ambushed by a giant beetle and the ranger is the only one surprised

The bard Jables sings a battle song
Mike "Is it a Beatles cover song?"

The monster in the pool attacks Ryz with two tentacles and drags him under water
Lee "I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going"

Trying to escape a monster's attack, the wild mage casts Nahal's Reckless Dweomer and shapes the surge into Alternate Reality. So Jim has to reroll the attacks. The mage is still attacked and in trouble, but takes 4hp less damage on the first turn and 4hp less on the second turn.
Lee "I lost 4hp just listening to that"

The characters are drawing cards from the Deck of Many Things and someone said "What's the worst that could happen?"
JoAnne, from upstairs <shouts> "You did NOT just say that!!"

After the epic debacle with the Deck of Many Things
Jim "I've said it before; I don't kill player-characters, players kill characters"