It began in a Tavern

Summary
The adventurers are travelling on the Opal-Verella trade road and have stopped in the town of Steewold in Akadi to rest. During dinner, there's a commotion outside and a wounded man in a noble's livery falls through the door. Bloody and wounded, he claims orcs attacked his party on the road south of town. They were escorting Lady Elior, daughter of Lord Rainon home to her family. He says the other guards were slain and Lady Elior taken, he begs someone to help,she's only sixteen. He is sure her father will offer a reward for her rescue. The assorted adventurers band together to help and Clare takes charge. The group mounts up and rides south to find find the ambush site. With the help of Roskva's civet familiar Hagar they find the lady's coach and the bodies of her guards, thrown into a ravine. But there are some oddities, the bodies were killed by arrows, but the arrows were pulled from the bodies before they were dumped and while Elior is missing, her belongings have not been looted from the carriage. They follow tracks into the wilderness and find a dead orc, but again things don't add up. The orc appears to have been dead for days, not hours. Continuing along the trail, they come to a stream, and lose the tracks in the water. While deciding what to do, they are attacked by three ghouls. Clare is paralyzed, but they kill the ghouls. Now the party follows the ghouls tracks back to an ancient abandoned village, the ghouls were digging up bodies in the cemetery and must have been lured towards the ambush by the fresh bodies. It's a dead end…
The party backtracks down the stream, following the western bank closest to the road. But they spot a crumbled spot on the opposite shore and cross to find human bootprints and smaller prints of a barefoot human. They follow these tracks to a small ruined keep. Desdamona climbs the wall and drops a rope for the rest of the party to climb, she spots light inside the ruined keep. They decide to rest a few hours before attacking. Wittr casts Detect Magic and finds two sources in the keep, he thinks they are enchanted items. Desdamona creeps forwards and finds eight good horses tethered in the ruins, with fine saddles, etc, but all the gear is black… The light is coming from under a door, she looks through the keyhole and sees two warrior types playing cards at a table. She reports back to the rest of the party and they move into the keep. Clare opens the door a bit and Hagar slips inside to spray the fighters with his skunk-like musk, then runs out while Clare slams the door and Desdamona hammers a spike in the floor to hold it. The fighters are yelling and retching inside, but they alert the rest of the kidnappers. The party chases the horses outside.The fighters inside grab a bench to smash down the door, but they pull out the spike and the badguys crash through the door and stumble. The party attacks. Clare, Wittr and Dastan hold the line while Iria, Roskva and Desdamona fire arrows, spells and bolts. There are six enemy fighters, then they are joined by a wizard and a priest in black and red. Roskva throws a flask of oil and strikes the enemy wizard dead on, coating him in burning oil, some splash on the priest. The wizard drops to the floor and tries to put himself out, but dies in flames. Daston begins to sing a battle song, but the priest chants a spell and Wittr and Daston are paralyzed. Iria and Desdamona draw swords to help hold the fighters back, Roskva casts repeated Magic Missile spells at the priest, but he strikes her with a Spiritual Weapon in the shape of a bloody axe, then heals himself. With most of the enemy fighters down, Clare breaks through and slays the priest. The party fets some healing from Wittr, who is one of the most seriously wounded, then spread out to find the girl. Lady Elior is alive and unharmed, tied up in a room inside. They loot the bodies, gather their horses and head back to town in the morning. They confront the guardsman, it turns out he was Charmed to lie and say it was orcs instead of men. The party escorts Lady Elior the rest of the way home to her family, Lord Rainon rewards them for her rescue.

Silly Quotes and Smart Remarks
Jim suggests MC be party leader
MC, to boyfriend Mike "That means, wench, you must get me more Cheetos!"

The adventure hook is cast before the players
JoAnne "Amazingly, we didn't see the sign for the railroad"

MC's character was tired and failed a Constitution check to remain alert
MC "I am not constitutionafied enough to make decisions"

JoAnne fails a Strength check climbing down the wall
Jim "You fall and take a point of damage… to your pride"

Chmiel's Mage throws a flask of oil at the enemy wizard and gets a direct hit
Jim "The mage is fully involved"
Matt "He's like a Buddhist Monk"
The mage burns to death
Matt "50 Shades of Well Done, 50 Shades of Pink Inside"

Matt's Bard sings his battle song…
Matt (Beauty and the Beast song voice) "Nobody sings like Dastan!"
…but is paralyzed after only one round of providing a bonus to the party
MC "You know what battle song stands for? B.S."