Everyday Conversations with Cats

Max is in the air conditioned bedroom when we came home from the grocery and clawed the carpet to be let out. He roamed through the kitchen, then went back and clawed on the door to go back in.
Jim "You came out to see if we got you food, then wanted to go back in because we didn't?"

Max "Mrow. Mrow. Mrow"
Jim "You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means"

Sam is very twitchy, you can startle him opening a bag of potato chips
JoAnne "Stop being so twitchy!"
Jim "It's his nature"
JoAnne "You mean, his idiom?"

Max had a piece of carpet on his nose and started to lick at it to eat it
Jim "That's a fuzzy, not a snack"

Zoe was being very noisy
JoAnne "It's all about the meow"

Zoe is all black and was sitting on the desk in the moonlight
Jim "She is the angel of night and spookiness"

Sam is getting a little fat, he ran through the kitchen while we were getting ready for work
Jim "That was a pudgy stampede"
JoAnne "You mean, a Sam-pede?"

Sam was laying on the floor, in all his pudgy glory
Jim "Yes Sam, you're very cute. Like a cute blimp"

Max is circling me in the kitchen, looking for food
Jim "No. Now go away or I shall deny you a second time"

Max gets into the kitchen cabinet, blocking me from putting away the crockpot
Jim "Get out of there you, you're not kitchenware"

Max is again circling me in the kitchen and gets underfoot twice
Jim "You, sir, are a hazard to navigation"

Sam was sitting by the food bowls
JoAnne "Are you hungry Sam?"
Jim "Is he awake?"

Max was following us around, chirping
JoAnne "What do you want?"
Jim "What is your quest?"

Sam has been very vocal since Max passed away, and he still tends to meow loudly when he is alone in other parts of the house
Sam "Mrow!"
Jim "I think he's trying to play Marco Polo"
Sam <in the basement> "Mrow!"
Jim "Polo!"
Sam "Mrow!"
Jim "Polo! See?"

I'm feeding the kittens and Sam some treats and Merlin grabs for the bag
Jim "No, you get two treats. And the number of the treats shall be two. Nor shall the number of the treats be one, excepting that thou then proceedest to two."

Fiona is ripping around the house
JoAnne "Hi, you're crazy"
Jim "I prefer to think of myself as sanity challenged"

Fiona is watching the birds on the feeder
Jim “See poppa cardinal, isn’t he pretty? You probably think he looks tasty; he is not strawberry flavored”

I interrupted Fiona as she looked to be about to climb the entertainment center
Jim "Where did you think you were going?"
Fiona raises her chin and swishes her tail
Jim "Yes, you're cute. Don't change the subject"

Fiona's new nickname is the "Fionagator" and we were making movie title jokes
JoAnne "Fionagator, The Return of the Fionagator"
Jim "Fionagator 3: The Cutening"

The Fionagator is playing with a toy with a bell
Jo "Dingle, dingle, dingle"
Jim "I am Death; hear me dingle"

Merlin was rumbling
Jim "You need a new carburetor"

Fiona rolled on her back to attack Sam and Jim rubbed her belly
Jo "No, I didn't expect that!"
Jim "No one expects the Spanish Tummy Rub!"

Jo "I am so cute"
Jim "Cute but deadly. I am…the Fionagator!"
Jo "Sounds like a movie tagline"

Sam and Merlin were wrestling
Jo "I'm watching the CWF: Cat Wrestling Federation"

One of the cats (usually Merlin) wakes me up everynight and I have to lock them in the basement. But sometimes I don't want to make Fiona move because she's cute. But if I don't, she wakes me up later
Jo "Don't trust the cute!"
In the dark, sometimes the only way to find her is to listen for her loud, rumbling purr
Jim "Aim for the rumble"

Sam is thinking about getting up on the console table and messing with stuff
Jim "I know what you're thinking; don't think it"