We had planned a cartoon adventure and time never seemed right. We finally got a chance to schedule it and poor Sam had to cancel at the last minute.
Players and Characters
Brittany- Secret Squirrel- Monk of the Open Hand with magical spy gadgets
Jack- The Tazmanian Devil
Nick- Archer- Assassin with magical spy gadgets
Sam- Grim- Undead necromancer (run by Jim to keep party balance)
Summary
The adventurers come to the town of Play Mountain (a joke on Spielberg) and see a sign seeking adventurers at the local inn, speak to Sam the bartender. Sam is a midget with a huge red beard and mustache; he has a catwalk behind the bar to bring him up to customers' height. He tells them the town is hiring adventurers to stop a series of bizarre thefts, everything from alchemy supplies to cobblestones and a coffin. The only clue is a wagon spotted heading west late one night with two hooded figures. He can give the party six Potions of Healing to help them.
The party sets out and travels down the road, following the wagon tracks. The tracks eventually lead into some hills, and they spot a cave near the road. A flying monkey emerges from the cave and chatters at them, more monkeys come out. The first monkey throws poop at Taz, and it bursts into flame. Flaming monkey poo! The party attacks them and starts killing them, more monkeys emerge. Then the monkeys switch tactics and they fly together, melding into one giant monkey! It throws poo that explode like Fireball spells, they battle it, and Secret manages to finish it. Grim has drawn the Holy Grail from his chest and fills it with water to heal Secret. Taz bites the Holy Grail and gets shocked. They search the monkeys' cave and find some shiny treasure, a few gems and coins and a pair of ruby slippers.
The party travels on, coming into barren rocky hills. In the distance, they spot a dark, forbidding castle with a maze in front of it. They approach the maze; there are locked double doors to enter the maze. While Secret tries to pick the lock, Taz pushes on the doors and sets off a giant bear trap trap. Secret opens the door, and they look inside the maze, the walls are 3o feet high and the passage is only five feet wide. Taz goes into whirlwind rage and chews through the walls until they come out into the inner courtyard. A storm is approaching, the sky is darkening, and thunder and lightning are coming. To one side is a small round tower with a dome, a barrel sized tube capped with glass protrudes from a slot. As they watch the tube is retracted and the dome closes. The party decides to head to the main castle doors (They missed meeting Marvin the Martian)
They enter the main hall and meet a man dressed in long dark hooded robes, with a long nose and receding hair. He speaks with an almost lisping voice and has eldritch tattoos and small tentacles on his face. He leads them into a room with a blood-stained altar and four cultists and prepares to sacrifice them. The party fights him and the other warlocks. One of the warlocks attacks with a meat cleaver, his hood falls back to reveal a black man, he tells them "Get on the altar, children" in a musical voice. The cultists attack with Hex and Eldritch Blasts and swords. Mr. Burns uses Vampiric Touch and gets Secret with Crown of Madness, causing him to shoot Archer with Magic Missiles from his cane. Once the cult is dead, they rest before they tackle the next room.
Inside is a huge, vaulted chamber with strange machinery (think Frankenstein's Lab). A device made from the coffin, inlaid with cobblestone buttons labelled in mystical symbols and numbers is hooked up, waiting to be activated by lightning from the storm. Two dark figures turn to look at the party and the shorter wizard says, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky?" The other replies "I think so Brain, but whoever would have thought Sharknado deserved a sequel?" Brain tells the party they will not stop him from activating his universal remote. Archer asks if it controls the universe or all the TVs? Brain shouts "The universe!" Secret moves closer, pretending to negotiate, and gets close enough to throw a haystack grenade between them, trapping the villains in the haystack.
The party goes on the attack, mostly focusing on Brain. Pinky yells "NARF!" and goes into barbarian rage. Taz attacks Brain and Brain responds with a Thunderwave. Grim tries to pull something from the chest and comes up with a copy of the Monster Manual. He tries again and gets sucked into the chest. Brain summons a monster, and it appears next to him. Taz is knocked out, but Archer gets him back up with a potion. Secret stuns Pinky, breaking his rage. Archer kills Brain, Grim destroys the monster, and Taz kills Pinky in a fury versus rage battle.
Silly Quotes and Smart Remarks
There was a lot of stuff I didn't get, it was a cartoon adventure after all
Secret Squirrel uses his monk ability to deflect missiles against the monkey poo
Jim "You deflect the poo"
Jack "That's a sentence we haven't said in our D&D campaigns before"
Which lead us to a discussion of Poo, the card game
And another:
Jim "Archer, Kongtron is engaged with Secret Squirrel so you can sneak attack him"
Lining up in order to enter the next room
Nick "The bad idea conga line"
Mr. Burns plans to sacrifice them
Jack "Sacrifice? I thought he said, 'Steak and Fries'. He's got a bib on with a steak and knife"
Archer stabs Mr. Burns and shoves a flash grenade in the wound with a natural 20
Jim "You shove the grenade in the dagger hole and dash away"
Taz kills Pinky
Jack "Not Pinky!"
Unused Ponderings
I think so Brain, but…
isn't cotton candy bad for your teeth?
does green ham come from Kermit and Miss Piggy's children?
why is the rum gone?
how many times can they reboot Batman?
why don't you post it on Twitter?
